Children do not express the world with words the way we adults do. Their experiences, especially traumatic experiences, are often conveyed through a language beyond words. Therefore, when working with children and building relationships with them, it is crucial to proceed with care. Perry and Szalavitz (2007) explain it as follows:
“The brains of children who experience trauma are not mature enough to put the horrors they have endured into words. They express themselves through emotions, behaviors, and sometimes silence.”
Traumatic experiences leave marks on children. They also affect personality development and emotional capacity. A child who is constantly on alert may not feel safe, which can likely impact their normal development. These effects vary from child to child. Some children express the fear and anxiety inside them through aggressive behavior or anger, while others withdraw and become silent. These behaviors are not merely chosen responses; they are natural defense mechanisms of the brain. In both cases, the behaviors reflect what the child has experienced. The key point here is that adults and professionals should avoid labeling children as “difficult,” “quiet,” or “naughty.”
Trauma affects brain areas responsible for emotional regulation and memory, such as the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex; these changes directly shape a child’s stress responses and behaviors (DBE, 2023). These brain changes, along with increased stress hormones, amplify the challenges the individual experiences and make coping more difficult. According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), some possible difficulties include:
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Anger
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Anxiety
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Nightmares
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Flashbacks
Children may show various reactions to trauma. For example, they may experience unusual distress when separated from their parents. Some may display a type of “frozen alertness,” appearing as if in shock. Others may become emotionally numb, show little emotion, or seem somewhat detached from their surroundings. Trauma can also affect eating habits and cause avoidance of eye contact. The critical point is to understand the story behind the behaviors rather than labeling the child based on their actions.
The Importance of Secure Attachment
To understand the story behind children’s behaviors, it is essential to build a secure attachment and supportive relationship. For children who have experienced trauma, forming secure attachments is crucial. Perry and Szalavitz (2007) emphasize that when working with children who have experienced trauma, it is important to provide a stable environment, show respect, listen to them, and engage through play even before starting therapy. These methods strengthen the child’s sense of security and positively contribute to the healing process.
Predictability and Routine: The Cornerstones of Trust
Predictability and routine are the foundations of a secure relationship with traumatized children. These children perceive the world as constantly alert and uncertain. Predictability and routines regulate the brain’s stress-response mechanisms and support emotional balance. Routines create a sense of safety in daily life—for instance, fixed times for sleep, lessons, and play. Predictability removes uncertainty, such as informing the child in advance about planned activities for the day.
Ways to Build an Effective Bond with the Child
Creative activities can be very helpful in establishing an effective bond with children who have experienced trauma. A child can express their inner world more comfortably through drawings or toys. It is harder for children to hide their true feelings in drawings or play. Daily routines and planning also provide a sense of security and are very effective in forming secure attachments. Repeated activities, visual schedules, or daily plans help the child know what to expect.
When behaviors like anger or silence are observed, it is crucial to understand the emotion behind the behavior rather than labeling it. For example:
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“What are you feeling right now?”
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“What were you thinking when you did that?”
Conclusion
When working with children who have experienced trauma, understanding the story behind behaviors, establishing a secure attachment, and creating predictable routines are the foundations of the healing process. These approaches regulate the stress-response systems in the child’s brain, support emotional balance, and reduce the effects of trauma. Understanding children’s behaviors and providing a safe environment is the most critical step in initiating the healing process.
References
DBE. (2023). TSSB belirtilerinin görünmeyen yüzü: Travma beynini nasıl değiştirir?
https://www.dbe.com.tr/tr/yetiskin-ve-aile/11/tssb-belirtilerinin-gorunmeyen-yuzu-travma-beyni-nasil-degistirir/
Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. (2007). Born for Love: Reflections of a Child Psychiatrist. Koridor Yayıncılık.
Better Health Channel. (2022, August 22). Trauma and children – newborns to two years.
https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/trauma-and-children-newborns-to-two-years