People say they have changed. They make new decisions, start new beginnings, and believe they have left their old behaviors behind. However, upon closer inspection, an unavoidable question emerges: what has truly changed? Is it the essence of the person, or merely the roles they play?
This question is not only an individual curiosity but also lies at the center of the human effort to understand the self. Because many people, at certain periods of their lives, say “I am not the same as before,” yet cannot clearly define what has actually changed. Have behaviors changed, or have only circumstances shifted? More importantly, has the person truly transformed, or have they merely constructed a new narrative for themselves?
In everyday life, change is often associated with what is fast and visible. Making new decisions, abandoning certain habits, or choosing differently are seen as evidence of change. However, the human inner world is not a structure that progresses so linearly and superficially. Therefore, when trying to understand change, one must question not only what is visible but also what is invisible. Because “change” is often measured through external behaviors, while the transformation of the internal structure is largely overlooked.
Behavior Or Structure?
Behavioral approaches explain change largely through learning processes. New reinforcements, new environmental conditions, and new habits can transform an individual’s behavior. From this perspective, change is possible because behavioral repertoires are flexible.
However, deeper theories, particularly psychoanalytic and schema therapy perspectives, argue that change is not this superficial. Core beliefs shaped by early experiences—known as “schemas”—determine how individuals perceive the world (Young, Klosko & Weishaar, 2003). These structures are often automatic, resistant, and self-reinforcing cycles. At this point, a critical distinction emerges: individuals can change their behaviors, but unless the meaning behind those behaviors changes, old patterns may reappear in different forms. (Young et al., 2003; Türkçapar, 2012)
Changing Roles: Adaptation Or Avoidance?
Social psychology shows that individuals adopt different roles in different contexts. A person may present a different identity at work, in romantic relationships, and with family. This can be seen as healthy flexibility, but in some cases, it may also function as a strategy of adaptation or avoidance.
For instance, a person who constantly plays the “strong” role may actually be avoiding contact with vulnerability. Or someone who appears “indifferent” may be developing a defense that masks the fear of rejection. In such cases, what looks like change is actually only an update of roles. Carl Rogers’ (1961) distinction between the “real self” and the “ideal self” provides an important framework here. As individuals adapt to social expectations, they may move closer to their ideal self while drifting away from their real self. As this distance increases, they may feel as though they have changed; yet in reality, they may simply have become better at performing a more socially acceptable role.
Different Versions Of The Same Cycle
Sometimes change occurs in form rather than content. Even when a person chooses different people, environments, or goals, the underlying emotional and cognitive patterns may remain the same (Beck, 2011). In this case, a surface-level sense of novelty emerges; however, the structure of the experience remains largely unchanged.
For example, someone who repeatedly experiences similar relationship problems may believe they have changed when they change partners. Yet if their responses within the relationship, attachment style, and emotional needs remain the same, the experience is likely to repeat in a similar way. This shows that change can sometimes be nothing more than a change of context. From this perspective, defining oneself as “changed” does not always indicate internal transformation. Sometimes it is merely the same story rewritten with different characters.
Is Real Change Possible?
Real change occurs not only at the behavioral level but also at the level of meaning. This requires moving beyond visible habits. Psychotherapy research shows that lasting change is generally possible through awareness, emotional processing, and the internalization of new experiences (Prochaska & DiClemente, 1983). In other words, when a person begins to understand not only “how they behave differently” but also “why they behave that way,” change deepens.
In this process, individuals become aware of their automatic reactions, see how past experiences shape present choices, and gradually begin to make more conscious decisions. At this point, change becomes less of a role shift and more of a “transformation of meaning.”
Conclusion: Different Versions Of The Same Story?
Sometimes people truly change. But most of the time, they simply replay the same story on a different stage, in a different role. Real change requires stepping out of the comfort zone, confronting uncomfortable truths about oneself, and rewriting old meanings. This is not a quick process, but a layered and time-consuming one.
In this process, the individual begins to question not only what they do, but why they do it. Re-examining one’s own story often requires letting go of familiar explanations and encountering deeper, sometimes uncomfortable insights. Yet it is precisely at this point that change moves from surface to depth. Perhaps change is not about becoming “someone new” as we often think; it is more about recognizing old patterns and consciously transforming them. This is not a sudden leap, but a reconstruction process that unfolds over time.
Ultimately, change is not always as clear and definitive as it appears from the outside. Sometimes we truly transform, and sometimes we simply adapt better. Being able to distinguish between these two is a form of awareness as valuable as change itself.
References
Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. Prochaska, J. O., & DiClemente, C. C. (1983). Stages and processes of self-change. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 51(3), 390–395. Rogers, C. R. (1961). On becoming a person. Houghton Mifflin. Türkçapar, M. H. (2012). Cognitive therapy: Basic principles and practice. HYB Publishing. Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema therapy: A practitioner’s guide. Guilford Press.