One must be either fed so much… or have been ignored … Sibling relationships are often romanticized through a “fight-and-reconcile” cycle. However, when repetitive patterns, power asymmetry, and harm become dominant, sibling violence is no longer a developmental “friction,” but rather a silent trauma untouched that can become chronic within the family (Tucker et al., 2020).
Recent studies demonstrate that sibling aggression is significantly associated with child and adolescent mental health symptoms. Moreover, when it coexists with a broader “domestic violence,” the level of risk augments substantially (Ingram et al., 2020; Tucker et al., 2020). Sometimes, sibling violence may also be shaped by gender differences and hierarchical dynamics, where inequality between siblings intensifies the pattern. Yet the deeper truth is this: when there is a persistent problem between siblings, its roots often lie within the parental system. And therefore, it is the responsibility of the parents to recognize, regulate, and resolve this dynamic between their children.
Dynamic Perspective: Triangles, Displacement, and Object Relations:
According to psychoanalytic or dynamic perspective, the sibling is often not merely a “rival,” but a mirror reflecting the child’s internal representation of parental love. As parental inaccessibility, inconsistency, or criticism increases, anger and jealousy intensify. When this anger cannot be directed toward the parent, it is displaced onto a “safer” target, which is the minor sibling. In this sense, violence is not only an act of aggression, but also a silent demand for recognition, visibility, and worth.
According to object relations perspective, siblings growing up in the same household may internalize different “inner parents”: one may carry a punitive internal object, another a neglectful one, and another a conditionally loving one. The conflict between these internal representations creates a psychological triangle of jealousy, entitlement, and shame, which becomes enacted within sibling relationships.
Schema Therapy Perspective: How Schemas and Modes Operate:
Schema Therapy conceptualizes sibling violence not as a “character flaw,” but as cognitive-emotional patterns emerging from unmet early needs. Empirical evidence supports the relationship between the need for frustration and schema formation (Bach et al., 2018). Following schemas are particularly activated:
- Emotional Deprivation / Abandonment: Fear that love will diminish; the perception that “shared love equals loss.”
- Defectiveness / Shame: The self is experienced as inadequate when the sibling receives attention or success.
- Entitlement / Grandiosity: The belief that “I deserve more,” legitimizing competitive or aggressive behavior.
- Insufficient Self-Control: Impulsivity and difficulty regulating anger.
Mode level tells us that the aggressive sibling often shifts rapidly into the Angry Child and Impulsive Child modes, sometimes followed by a Bully/Attack Mode. The victimized sibling, on the other hand, may experience the Vulnerable Child mode along with avoidance-based coping patterns. When family boundaries are weak, this “mode dance” becomes easily chronic and self-perpetuating.
Trauma and Long-Term Consequences: The Cost of Normalized Violence:
Meta-analytic findings indicate that sibling aggression is associated with long-term internalizing symptoms and trauma-related outcomes (Perkins et al., 2021). In addition, research emphasizes that conceptual ambiguity, whether the behavior is labeled as rivalry, bullying, or abuse, renders the phenomenon less visible and complicates intervention (Ingram et al., 2020). At this point, the critical clinical question emerges: “Are these children simply fighting, or is one chronically dysregulating the other’s nervous system?” This distinction is crucial, as normalized violence often masks chronic psychological harm.
Clinical Intervention: Integrating Dynamic and Schema Approaches
Evidence-based intervention is often family-centered. Strengthening parental boundary-setting and mediation skills has been shown to reduce sibling conflict (Leijten et al., 2021). Parents are the major responsibility to figure out where they made a mistake… because this is definitely their responsibility. From a psychodynamic perspective, the aim is to make visible the suppressed emotions within the parent–child triangle and to identify repetitive relational patterns, such as who represents what for whom.
From a schema perspective, the therapeutic goals include:
- Naming schemas
- Mapping modes
- Strengthening the Healthy Adult function in parents to be fair towards children
- Developing emotional regulation skills in children
Sibling violence is often not “malice,” but the silence of unmet needs… When language fails, the body begins to speak…
Kaynakça
- References
- Bach, B., Lockwood, G., & Young, J. E. (2018). A new look at the schema therapy model: Organization and role of early maladaptive schemas. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 47(4), 328–349.
- Ingram, K. M., et al. (2020). Family violence, sibling, and peer aggression. Frontiers in Psychiatry.
- Leijten, P., et al. (2021). Parenting programs to improve sibling interactions: A meta-analysis.
- Perkins, N. H., Finegood, E. D., & Branje, S. (2021). The long-term consequences of sibling aggression: A meta-analytic review. Developmental Review, 61, 100988.
- Tucker, C. J., Finkelhor, D., Turner, H., & Shattuck, A. (2020). Sibling aggression and assault. Journal of Interpersonal Violence.