Although the focus during pregnancy and the postpartum period is often on the mother’s risk of depression and sexual functioning, research shows that fathers may also experience a decrease in sexual desire. This is often not due to relationship problems but rather stems from biological, psychological, and social changes. The postpartum period is a significant transition not only for the mother but also for the father.
In male partners, it is common to observe a decrease in libido, avoidance of sexual contact, performance anxiety, or ambivalent feelings toward their partner. Studies show that men—especially new fathers—experience a significant decline in sexual desire during the first 6 months to 1 year.
When We Examine the Main Causal Factors: Biological, Psychological, Environmental, and Interpersonal Factors
For many men, libido fluctuates during what is known as the first trimester (0–13 weeks; 3 months). The initial shock of learning about the pregnancy, the risk of miscarriage, the mother’s nausea and loss of appetite, feelings of fatigue, and the way partners are affected by each other’s emotional states can all impact sexual desire. While some men adopt a more protective and distant attitude, others become closer to their partners and show greater empathy.
Studies conducted in recent years have shown that hormonal changes can also occur in men as they take on the role of a father.
In particular, a decrease in testosterone levels and an increase in prolactin and oxytocin levels can reduce sexual drive while increasing a man’s care for his partner and baby, as well as his compassion, empathy, and attachment behaviors. From a psychological perspective, as a man transitions from being merely a partner to assuming the role of a father, he takes on—from both an evolutionary and societal standpoint—the role of a protective provider who is responsible for advancing and supporting the family. Economic concerns, anxiety about the future, and worries regarding the health of his partner and baby can temporarily push his erotic self into the background for many men.
Ambivalence Toward a Spouse: Both Wanting and Not Wanting, Either Lust or Tenderness
From a psychodynamic perspective, a male partner’s lack of sexual desire may be related to the following conflicts. Some men begin to view their partners in two different roles after pregnancy or childbirth. While this does not necessarily mean a decrease in love, it can lead to a temporary change in their erotic perception.
A sexual partner? Or the mother of his child? A man may find it difficult to reconcile these two identities in his mind. In particular, we see that the coexistence of concepts such as motherhood and sanctity—imposed on women by a patriarchal social structure—creates a worldview for some men that separates women from their own sexuality, causing them to continue viewing women solely as “she is now a mother” and placing them in a position where they may divert their libidinal energy away from their partner and direct it elsewhere.
As Sigmund Freud proposed, the Madonna–Whore Syndrome refers to the unconscious meanings some men ascribe to women. Here, men divide women into two opposing categories: while constructing the image of the “Mother” figure in their minds (sacred, untouchable, and a symbol of honor), they struggle to perceive her as someone from whom they can derive sexual pleasure. Consequently, while they may feel little or no sexual desire toward a partner they deeply respect, they experience sexual desire toward women they perceive as less respectable or who are labeled as “whores” by society.
While a man may view a prostitute as a woman with whom he can have fun and as the object of his sexual fantasies, he may continue to maintain sexual distance from his wife under the sacred label of “the woman I married.” We must discuss and challenge society’s double standards in these matters—the roles, expectations, permissions, and privileges it assigns to different genders. In the personality structure of a psychologically healthy individual, a man can view his wife both as a mother and as a partner with whom he shares his sexuality, reconciling these two roles within his mind.
A Woman’s Changing Body—Her Male Partner’s Changing Perception and Relational Intimacy
Recent studies conducted with a large number of men also indicate that most continue to find their partners attractive and beautiful during pregnancy. However, the growing abdomen, the mother’s physical changes during pregnancy or after childbirth, and the need to adopt new sexual positions can lead some men to experience anxiety stemming from a mindset of “I need to be careful,” which may alter the spontaneity of their sexual lives.
A study conducted with expectant fathers found that the strongest factor determining sexual satisfaction was emotional closeness with one’s partner. It highlighted the importance of fidelity, recognized that couples enter a new learning process during pregnancy, and emphasized that they experience particularly sensitive periods regarding communication, physical intimacy, emotional connection, and sexuality. Acknowledging these changes may help couples strengthen their emotional closeness. In other words, a decline in a man’s libido does not necessarily indicate a loss of physical attraction or love. Sometimes, the couple’s quality of communication, stress levels, and emotional investment are more decisive factors.
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