Nowadays, there is a common belief, especially in personal development discussions, that happiness should come wholly from inside and should never be dependent on the people in our life, our jobs, or our relationships. According to this approach, everyone should know how to take care of themselves; in fact, if our partner negatively affects our inner peace, they should distance themselves emotionally, otherwise this means that we do not know how to set healthy boundaries. This idea seems to be an increasingly extreme interpretation of the concept of self-sufficiency that we have adopted from the Western world. This extreme individualism has almost made us afraid of attachment. However, humans are social beings who naturally establish relationships. Establishing an emotional attachment is a critical component of our psychological wellness. “Being dependent” is not a choice, but rather a reality of our human existence. Our umbilical cord connects us to our mother, and therefore to life, while we are still in the womb. Even if the cord is severed at birth, the cycle of attachment that will last our entire lives begins with that cord. This basic need for attachment manifests itself in different ways in our relationships throughout our lives.
The Effect of Early Attachment Experiences on Relationships
Attachment is a basic need that begins in the first moments of our lives. This relationship, which begins with the umbilical cord in the womb, is formed by Erikson’s idea of trust and mistrust, which is the first stage of psychosocial development. The newborn questions itself: “Can I trust the world?” When babies are born, they are dependent on others. They need their parents for a variety of survival needs, including trust and affection. According to the theory, the baby’s trust in themselves and others depends on the quality of this care. The quality of this first bond established in infancy comes up again in many close relationships, including romantic relationships, in later life. Insecurity that develops early in life might cause the individual to be continuously on guard in relationships or to become overly dependent.
Independence Seeking or Fear of Connection?
In this situation, early attachment experiences ensure that the individual has trust in the interactions he or she gives throughout his or her life. The lack of trust at this period of development might be carried over to other phases of development. So, at this point, does the separation and connection relationship continue to have an impact on our entire lives? Of course, this feeling of insecurity and trust only appears during the initial phase of development and is not a scenario that is resolved to never occur again. It can re-emerge in successive stages. Although romantic relationships established in adulthood can be combined with early attachment experiences, the emergence of trust can be shaped or transformed by variability and established relationships throughout life.
Finding a Balance Between Self-Sufficiency and Connection
The perfect understanding of self-sufficiency among today’s examples can often turn into a defense option that feeds emotional isolation rather than drawing a healthy line. However, self-sufficiency is not being free of all emotional needs; it is to notice these characteristics and share them with open communication rather than putting them on someone else.
A balance between being self-sufficient and “gaining connection” is achieved through healthy care. This balance can help us grow as individuals while also strengthening our relationships.
Here are some points to consider to establish the balance we need:
Taking Responsibility For Your Own Feelings
Expecting your partner to not “complete” you, but to provide you with a safe environment to express your emotions. This helps to create a secure area where you may express yourself and find mutual support.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
One of the most fundamental requirements of a partnership is the ability to communicate one’s own demands, personal space, and time. These healthy boundaries allow you to respect your partner’s boundaries while preserving your own.
Flexibility
Every relationship faces difficulties from time to time. Flexibility refers to partners’ capacity to adjust to and overcome problems. Solving challenges together and being open to change keeps the partnership strong.
A Common Life with Separate Identities
In a healthy relationship, it is a great asset for both individuals to have their own interests, goals, and social circles. The important thing is to spend quality and meaningful time together, as well as having different pleasures.
Conscious Commitment, Not Dependency
When being in a relationship is shaped not by a sense of obligation but by a conscious choice of your partner and the bond you establish with them, this conscious choice creates a much healthier and deeper commitment.
Open and Compassionate Communication
Expressing emotions honestly and openly, instead of suppressing or implying them, minimizes misunderstandings in the relationship. When this form of expression is far from an accusatory, judgmental, or demanding tone, it builds the trust needed in the relationship and deepens mutual understanding.
In Conclusion
A healthy relationship refers to an area where the individual’s capacity for self-sufficiency and the ability to establish a secure and deep bond with others are in balance. Neither a completely introverted independence nor a commitment established by ignoring oneself is sustainable. True closeness and meaningful connection are only possible when two individuals stand firmly on their own two feet and voluntarily turn to each other. This balance both supports individual development and allows the relationship to grow in a healthy way.