From the moment a person is born, they begin trying to make sense of their surroundings. In this process, the first caregivers accompany the child’s journey of recognizing the world. The earliest social interactions between the caregiver and the infant form the psychological building blocks that shape the child’s later life. Research has shown that, in the postnatal period, an infant’s social expressions and behaviors can alter the caregiver’s responses, thereby influencing the child’s development.
As the baby grows, this process of social mirroring extends beyond basic needs. Parents must recognize that the child is not a being who arrived into the world on their own, but rather someone invited into life as a result of parental responsibility. Therefore, the parent is obliged to support not only the child’s physical needs, but also their mental inclinations, desires, and emotional development. When these responsibilities are neglected, the emergence of various problems in adulthood becomes inevitable.
The Parent’s Emotional Mirror
In summary, the caregiver’s role in the infant’s self-development is shaped from the earliest stages by the caregiver’s behaviors and emotional reflections. But how long does the influence of parental behavior on the child continue? While this duration varies from individual to individual, the process of constructing a sense of self is largely tied to the space the parent provides.
The ability to build one’s own life journey becomes possible through the secure environment offered by the caregiver. In this context, Albert Bandura’s social learning theory explains how children observe the social and emotional responses of their parents, learn similar behaviors, and strive to adapt to societal norms. Thus, the parent becomes both the emotional reflection and behavioral model for the child; the child raised in this way is shaped through the influences they observe.
For example, a parent’s approach to their child’s personal problem reflects back on the child’s later problem-solving strategies. If a parent resorts to anger when addressing difficulties, the child may adopt anger as a problem-solving method as well.
Winnicott’s Mirror and the Child’s Emotional Development
From a psychoanalytic perspective, Donald Winnicott emphasized that the parent must function as a “mirror” who accepts the child’s feelings and reflects them back accurately.
To clarify this further, imagine a child who has had a conflict with a friend at school. After the conflict, the child may feel confused, unsure of what to do, and might even exhibit somewhat angry behaviors. At this point, the parent should not focus on whether the child was right or wrong, nor on the child’s behaviors, but rather on making the child feel heard and understood.
For instance, the parent might say: “It seems like you feel treated unfairly, or maybe you’re feeling a little angry?” What matters here is reflecting the child’s emotions rather than the behavior. Understanding the child’s emotions before offering corrections or warnings is fundamentally important.
Such mirroring allows the child to build a sense of self securely. Inadequate or inconsistent mirroring, on the other hand, can create gaps in the child’s sense of identity, leading to emotional difficulties and psychological vulnerabilities. This may negatively affect the individual’s emotional resilience and capacity to cope with challenges during the transition from adolescence to adulthood. Various theorists emphasize that one of the primary causes of these difficulties lies in the parental role.
Existential Freedom and the Internalized Mirror
Indeed, the parental role is one of the cornerstones that shape our lives; we did not choose to be born—we were “thrown” into existence. Yet, as existential therapy underscores, the individual has the will and autonomy to choose and reconstruct their own life story.
The conditions presented to us from the moment we are born, and the hardships we experience throughout life, essentially shape the choices that define who we are. From this perspective, the individual’s most fundamental responsibility is to fully own both what life brings and what it takes away.
While the existential approach highlights the individual’s freedom to direct their own life, Winnicott’s concept of the mirror helps us understand the roots of this freedom. After all, the child first becomes aware of themselves through the reflection in the parent’s eyes. As they grow, they draw strength from these initial reflections to construct their own mirror and learn to redefine their identity.
Conclusion
Therefore, the parental mirror effect is not limited to childhood alone; it is one of the most fundamental elements shaping the individual’s lifelong sense of self, relationships, and psychological resilience.
References
Murray, L., & Trevarthen, C. (1985). Emotional regulation of interactions between two-month-olds and their mothers. In T. M. Field & N. A. Fox (Eds.), Social perception in infants (pp. 177–197). Norwood, NJ: Ablex.
Fonagy, P., & Target, M. (1997). Attachment and reflective function: Their role in self-organization. Development and Psychopathology, 9(4), 679–700.
Bandura, A. (1977). Social learning theory. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall.
Kara, S. (2019). Bağlanma kökenli ebeveyn tutumları: Erken çocukluk bağlamında bir inceleme. Erken Çocukluk Çalışmaları Dergisi, 3(1), 45–62.