Toxic positivity is a mental attitude that dictates positive thinking and feeling under all circumstances, ignoring the naturalness of emotions. People hide behind words like love and peace. Yet, this denial of the diversity of life and emotions. Clinical psychologist Jamie Long and therapist Samara Quintero call this approach emotional invalidation. In other words, individuals forbid all natural emotions and necessary discussions in the name of positivity.

However, discussions surrounded by dialogue provide healthy grounds for identifying and resolving problems. Indeed, those subjected to toxic positivity constantly pressure others to conform. This attitude is too false to be the language of love or peace and is a form of emotional manipulation.

The word “spirituality” entered Turkish from the French word “spiritualité.” When we examine the etymology of the word, we encounter the root “spiritus,” meaning soul, life inspiration, and breath, and the verb “spirare,” meaning to breathe. This meaning of the word is also at the root of new age approaches and is completely different from the “soul” (psyche) used in psychology.

In the context of psychology, “soul” refers to mental processes such as consciousness, the unconscious, thought, emotion, and perception. In other words, although they are not concrete, they are related to brain functions and are measurable. Spirituality, however, is based on personal beliefs and cannot be proven. This leads to many complexities today. For example, the reality of phenomena created by human efforts to dominate the world, such as the climate crisis, can be denied.

While the “soul” in the context of psychology provides the basis for the healing of individuals or communities, spirituality in psychology carries the potential to cause harm to individuals and communities. On the other hand, it’s no coincidence that many people who claim to be spiritual are drug addicts, or even deny being addicted. Psychology emphasizes experiencing and accepting emotions and phenomena as they are. Spiritual approaches can sometimes contribute to emotional well-being, but they fall short of achieving lasting resolution. Furthermore, they can pave the way for avoiding responsibility for healing one’s own emotions and the world’s current problems.

Throughout this article, we will explore the commonalities of toxic positivity and spiritual well-being, as well as the avoidance of false optimism. Consequently, we will expose the workings of spiritual deceptions and reveal the positive effects of knowledge-based and experience-based confrontations.

The Mechanisms and Consequences of Toxic Positivity

Perceiving life, events, and emotions as invariably negative is just as unhealthy as constantly evaluating them positively. This effort is like shoving excess clutter into the basement without being sorted or sweeping dust under the rug. Momentarily dismissing problems causes them to accumulate and become even bigger problems. As in this example, as a person ignores negative situations, they experience various psychological distress over time.

Mechanisms that prevent them from generating realistic solutions and constantly striving for positivity exhaust a person, leading to emotional exhaustion. Masked emotions can pave the way for depression or anxiety disorders. Furthermore, not sharing true feelings also creates difficulties in social relationships. This prevents a person from successfully forming genuine relationships. Toxic positive attitudes also manifest as a lack of self-compassion in individuals whose problem-solving abilities are impaired. In this way, individuals who appear strong on the outside fail to conform themselves and their surroundings to their ideals, ultimately experiencing profound insecurity.

Chronic stress weakens the immune system, which can lead to physical illnesses. Instead of deceiving ourselves with clichés like “life is beautiful,” we need to be aware of the dynamics of violence in the world and in relationships. Indeed, paradoxically, the path to making life beautiful first lies in perceiving it as it is. Of course, this doesn’t happen by sitting in our own shells, pretending we’re alive and making affirmations.

Life exists only when we have the courage to make mistakes and learn from them. Otherwise, life is merely stagnant, dull simulations. Accordingly, we can remember the saying, “Still water can be poisonous, while flowing water can’t be poisonous.” However, whether water flows slowly or rapidly, it both cleanses itself and shapes the rocks and soil around it. Decisive action can transform the most rigid materials, individual or social structures.

Spiritual Rigidity, the Illusion of Peace, and the Desire to Control Others

As psychologist John Welwood describes in his theory of spiritual bypassing, some people hide their deep emotional conflicts behind their spiritual beliefs. Commands like “don’t be sad, don’t be angry, don’t get stuck” block natural emotional pathways. However, the healthy thing is to experience all emotions as they are and, over time, develop the ability to manage them.

When unrepressed emotions and thoughts flow freely and one observes them with awareness, one begins to know oneself. Control mechanisms dissolve in the process, and as one gains experience, one can master their actions. As activist author Barbara Ehrenreich points out in their book Bright-Sided, the effort to see the positive in every situation essentially corresponds to an unrealistic, toxic positive outlook. New age movements reduce power to thought, devaluing the concept of labor.

The world concretely encompasses darkness (black, gray), light (white, yellow), and countless other hues. Within such a broad spectrum, fixating solely on the bright, the sun, can eventually lead to skin lesions and vision loss. Focusing solely on darkness creates other problems. However, experiencing twilight, blue, green, metallic, all colors and tones as an observer reveals true wisdom, as opposed to a baseless and blurred spirituality.

Therefore, pretending that slaughterhouses, prisons, poverty, psychological and physical violence, systems that produce suffering, and people don’t exist serves nothing but to nourish them. As the poet Rainer Maria Rilke so masterfully put it, we must also say yes to “the terrible aspects of life.” This acceptance paves the way for the end of inner conflicts. Now that we can clearly grasp what we are facing or what we are producing, we can use our recharged energy to heal it.

The Healing Effect of Facing Reality and Flexibility

What is rigid, what cannot be flexible, breaks. What we need is to recognize anger as well as happiness, bad as well as good, and many other positive, negative, and neutral phenomena and emotions. If we can observe these as they are within ourselves, in our actions, and in our thoughts, we can also discover ways to avoid producing them. When we can act flexibly, without settling or freezing in any of them, we can take beneficial actions with agility.

Being malleable corresponds to being able to shape, and being flexible corresponds to being able to stretch. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s “intense focus where time is forgotten,” or the flow state, emphasizes immersion in the process of creation rather than constant complaining or repeating baseless aphorisms.

According to Viktor Frankl, the founder of logotherapy, discovering the meaning in suffering means inspiring others. When we can transcend ourselves, we can learn to build genuine relationships and demonstrate solidarity with one another.

References

• Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.

• Long, J. (2023). The Opposite of Toxic Positivity: A Compassionate Guide to Emotional Validation. HarperCollins.

• Quintero, S., & Long, J. (2022). The Toxic Positivity Detox: How to Stop Suppressing Emotions and Start Healing. New Harbinger Publications.

• Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1996). Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention. HarperCollins.