Parent–Child Psychology Sena Aydoğan Is My Child Ready for School? Perhaps We Should Look at Ourselves First Parents whose children are about to start school often find themselves asking the same questions: Can my child hold a pencil? Do they know their letters?
Can they count? Can they use the toilet independently? Will they be able to listen to their teacher?
Will they make friends? Will they be able to separate from me? All of these questions are important.
However, evaluating a child’s school readiness solely in terms of “what they know” means that we may be overlooking an important part of the picture. School readiness is not merely an academic matter; it is a process that involves the integration of cognitive, social, emotional, and physical development. Just as important as recognizing letters is being able to cope with disappointment after losing a game; just as important as holding a pencil is knowing how to ask for help; and just as important as counting is being able to wait for one’s turn (Christensen et al., 2022; Józsa et al., 2023a; Metaferia et al., 2021).
So, how do these skills develop? The answer is often found at home, within everyday life. When you read a book with your child and ask, “What do you think will happen next?”, you are supporting cognitive development.
When you count the ingredients while preparing a meal together, you are contributing to mathematical thinking. When your child does not want to share a toy, instead of simply saying, “You have to share,” you might say, “I can see that you really want it. Waiting is difficult,” thereby creating space for your child to recognize and regulate their emotions.
In other words, preparing a child for school does not mean turning them into a little student. It means giving them opportunities to wonder, try, make mistakes, wait, start again, and gradually learn to manage their emotions. This is where the importance of parental involvement becomes particularly evident.
Meta-analytic findings show that parental factors are associated with children’s school readiness, with parental involvement demonstrating one of the strongest relationships among the factors examined. This tells us something important: supporting a child’s development does not require parents to spend hours every day conducting formal “educational activities.” Simply being genuinely present and engaged in a child’s everyday life can be far more meaningful. However, as parents, we need to look not only at our children but also at our own emotions.
A child’s transition to school is also an emotional transition for their parents. Pride, excitement, anxiety, and fear can coexist. Moreover, sometimes a parent’s own experiences of school become part of the process.
The thought, “I struggled at school; what if my child goes through the same thing?” may unconsciously influence how a parent responds to their child. For this reason, as your child prepares to start school, it may also be helpful to ask yourself: How do I feel about school? Are my expectations for my child appropriate for their age and developmental level?
How comfortable am I allowing my child to struggle? When my child asks for help, do I immediately do things for them, or do I give them an opportunity to try? Could I be transferring my own fears about school onto my child?
Another important factor is the relationship established with the school. A child’s adjustment to school is not solely their responsibility. Collaboration between parents, teachers, and schools can provide important support, particularly during the early stages of transition.
As the ecological perspective reminds us, children do not develop independently of the relationships and environments surrounding them (Bronfenbrenner, 1979; Rimm-Kaufman & Pianta, 2000). Therefore, rather than repeatedly asking a child, “Are you ready?”, perhaps it is sometimes more meaningful for us to ask ourselves: “What kind of environment am I creating to help my child become ready?” Starting school is not a performance test. Some children adjust quickly, while others need more time.
What matters is not comparing a child with others, but recognizing and responding to their individual developmental needs. Because children do not go to school carrying only letters and numbers with them. They also carry the relationship patterns they have experienced at home, the way their emotions have been responded to, how they have felt when making mistakes, and the sense of confidence they have developed in themselves.
Perhaps one of the most important messages we can give a child as they begin school is: “You don’t have to know everything. You can ask for help when something is difficult. You can make mistakes.
You can keep trying. And I will be there with you.” Because sometimes the most powerful way to prepare a child for school is not to teach them more, but to build a relationship in which they feel safe enough to learn.
Kaynakça
- References
- Bronfenbrenner, U. (1979). The ecology of human development: Experiments by nature and design. Harvard University Press. Rimm-Kaufman, S. E., & Pianta, R. C. (2000). An ecological perspective on the transition to kindergarten: A theoretical framework to guide empirical research. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 21(5), 491–511.