Every morning when we look in the mirror, we see reflections of ourselves that are tired or enthusiastic, hopeful or anxious. Then we look at our phone screens: likes, comments, followers… It seems as if we want to validate that we are truly living, feeling, and existing by sharing these things. It seems that the modern self is shaped not so much by the inner self we recently discovered, but by what we share. How does this define who we are? Who are we? Are we defined by what we see, or by what others see?
These days, the question “Who am I?” is not just a philosophical or psychological curiosity. It is a quest that almost everyone asks themselves but cannot fully answer. Because in the past, “knowing oneself” was an internal journey. We approached ourselves in silence, in solitude, while writing, while thinking. Now, however, “showing oneself” takes center stage. Sometimes, we even question whether we truly experienced a moment if we didn’t share it. For an increasing number of people, the answer to the question “Who am I?” is shaped by how others perceive them.
The digital self we create on social media can be a reflection of our true identity. But most of the time, this reflection is neither completely real nor completely fake. When we don’t share something, it feels as if that moment never really happened. There are times when we drink coffee just to have content, go somewhere to take pictures, or even try to look like we’re doing something just for the sake of it. We are all caught up in this cycle. No one is an outsider who has figured everything out. On the contrary, we are all individuals who are both created by and striving to exist within this culture of visibility. We show our good moments, share the photos where we look our best, and strive to appear happier, more successful, and more “aesthetic.” In this effort, we sometimes push our real emotions, pains, and grievances to the back of our minds.
Social media offers us many things: connecting, sharing, telling stories… But it also puts us in a certain mold. How productive are you, how beautiful are you, how busy are you, how good is your life? The answers we give to these questions are sometimes not about what we really experience, but about what others want to see in us. Here lies a dilemma: are we getting to know ourselves, or are we constructing a version of ourselves that others want to see? The concept of the “mirror self” in psychology is particularly relevant here. People begin to see themselves through the eyes of others. After a while, this external perspective replaces the internal one. While the true self does not disappear, it is pushed into the background. How we appear becomes more important than how we feel. Yet, the self is not only formed by what is shown but also by what is felt.
Of course, this need to share is not only individual. According to social psychology, a person’s identity is constructed socially in a way. In other words, the answer to the question “Who are we?” is also shaped by questions such as “Who do we resemble? With whom do we feel connected?” Therefore, we have both an internal sense of self and a social reflection. Social media can blend these two very powerfully.
Furthermore, the cycle of social comparison also affects our self-perception. In a world where we see everyone at their best, being faced with our own ordinariness can sometimes feel overwhelming. This comparison can make us feel inadequate and bring out our feelings of inadequacy. Yet no one looks amazing every day, and no one is happy all the time. But even though we know this, the snippets we see can exert pressure on us as if they were real. This pushes us to want to show more and seek more approval. And in doing so, we can drift away from our true identity and inner reality.
However, it would be simplistic to blame social media at this point. Because the issue is not just the platforms, but the relationship we establish with them. Some people create a space for themselves on social media and express their reality. Others create a character and eventually begin to live in the shadow of that character. The difference lies in intention and awareness.
So what is the solution? Should we stop using social media and distance ourselves from everything? Of course not. This world is now part of our lives. The important thing is to find the balance between visibility and sincerity. Knowing yourself and showing yourself do not have to be contradictory. In fact, when combined in the right way, one can feed the other. As we get to know ourselves better, we can start making more “original” posts. And as we express ourselves with sincerity, we get to know ourselves more closely. The real problem is existing just to be seen. When “view counts” replace feelings, thoughts, and choices, they lose their inner value. That’s why the question “Who am I?” may find its answer most in silence; in the moments we share, when we honestly look at ourselves, when we confront the parts of ourselves others don’t see… But this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t share. It simply means staying true to ourselves while sharing.
Ultimately, identity is not shaped solely by observation or sharing. The answer to the question “Who am I?” lies in the balance between internal exploration and external expression. It is possible to live without fear of revealing ourselves, yet without being shaped by others’ expectations. Sometimes we look in the mirror, sometimes at our screens, but what truly matters is never forgetting to look within.