Sometimes life flows in a routine. Sometimes events unfold so quickly that you suddenly realize they’ve vanished as you try to grasp them. But both have one thing in common: those emotions that arise as a reaction to whatever happens, sometimes helpful and sometimes suffocating. Emotions are a concept that’s become a household name, but we often don’t stop to think about what it actually contains.
Just like in every aspect of life, emotions are composed of opposites. These opposites have an order, and this order can sometimes exhaust us and leave us breathless, while other times it relaxes us and allows us to take a deep breath. This order is the body’s reactions to events. Each emotion comes with a different hormone. These hormonal changes shape our responses, and we progress in a continuous cycle.
As long as these hormonal changes are on the side that relaxes us and gives us respite, they don’t bother us, and we don’t even think about them. But there are times when they leave us starving, sleepless, breathless. At that moment, we want to get rid of that reaction, that feeling. Sometimes this can be sadness, sometimes anxiety, sometimes guilt, disappointment, regret… the list goes on and on. Staying with the emotion in those moments and trying to understand why our body brought that emotion to the frontline, that chemical reaction, and so on is a good start to breathing.
Although I don’t have a scientific basis for it, my observations suggest that we all have a particularly challenging emotion. And this emotion appears right next to us in the face of every challenging event. For some reason, this feeling is “guilt” for me. Whenever something I’m struggling with happens, I suddenly realize that this guilt is right there with me. This feeling has been with me for so long that when it’s not there, I feel incomplete.
And the moment I feel this lack, I find myself searching for places where I can revisit that feeling. Because whether it’s good or bad, whether it’s beneficial or not, it doesn’t matter. It’s been with me for so long that its absence is as much a concern as its presence. When I realized I was searching for it, when I realized it was my confidant, I realized it was always listening to me. And I decided to listen to it, too.
Because if it came to visit me, if my body and mind brought it to me as a friend, then it must know something, and it wouldn’t hurt to lend an ear. Because our bodies and minds don’t work against us; they have only one purpose: to protect us from both physical and spiritual threats. This is precisely why that compelling feeling, the confidant of us, emerges.
Sometimes it’s guilt, as it was for me; sometimes it’s disappointment; sometimes it’s regret, sadness, anxiety, fear… these feelings have been our confidants for so long that they sometimes become reminders of moments even we’ve forgotten. They bring that memory to us when we least expect it, saying ‘remember’. Don’t forget. Don’t forget the lessons you learned from this experience so you won’t make the same mistakes again. So don’t get hurt again.
When we look at it, their fundamental purpose is to protect us. That’s why our mind brings that emotion to the frontline because it acts as a shield. It tries to protect us from negative events. It wants to prevent us from getting hurt. But there’s something our mind isn’t aware of. This confidant is sometimes so protective that, in trying to protect us from external factors, it actually causes more harm and exhaustion.
Because for our mind, there’s only one right or one wrong. It’s either yes or no. It’s either black or white. It works with ones and zeros. Just like a computer. It codes what it learns and moves forward with those codes. Therefore, there is no possibility beyond those codes. A number other than one and zero, a color other than black or white, or a maybe between yes and no…
At that very point, saying “I am listening to you” and “I understand” to our mind and the feeling it brings, is a good start to showing it those maybes, other colors and numbers. Because it has been supporting us for so long, it has become exhausted and lacks the energy to see any other possibility. Responding to the support our mind has shown us, trying to understand it, allows both of us to take a deep breath.
With this deep breath, we gather the energy to cope with all the events and emotions that befall us. And when we work with our mind, we realize how powerful we are. When we look back, we see that the energy and strength we seek is actually that confidant who has been with us all along.