At almost every stage of life, we are expected to be better, more competent, and more successful. From childhood, we are raised with this ideal: we should be happier, live more productively, behave with greater understanding, and move forward with a healthier mind.
However, this pursuit of being “better” often begins by skipping a crucial step: accepting what already is. While it may sound simple, embracing this mindset can be challenging in practice – and it’s often the key to overcoming feelings of inadequacy.
For genuine change or transformation, we first need to examine what we have in the present. If we want to shift a certain emotion, we must first allow it to exist to truly feel it. Suppressing it, ignoring it, or trying to eliminate it immediately often leads to deeper internal conflict.
Many people want to eliminate uncomfortable emotions as quickly as possible. Someone who feels anxious seeks calm instantly; someone who is sad wants to cheer up right away. But emotions do not pass without being felt. The more we suppress them, the stronger they become. The more we ignore them, the more they resist. Only when emotions are acknowledged, expressed, and named can they begin to settle.
In this way, making space for our emotions becomes the first step toward inner peace and emotional awareness.
This Approach Isn’t Limited to Emotions
Do you want to build a new habit? First, you may need to examine your existing behaviors and the motivations behind them. Expecting lasting change without honestly observing your inner world is like trying to tell time without fixing a broken clock.
Accepting that something is missing, messy, or disorganized is the first and most valuable step toward transformation.
It’s much like an artist facing a blank canvas: the creative process doesn’t truly begin until the first marks are made. At first there is confusion, then clarity. Sounds come first, then sentences form.
Our minds and emotional worlds follow a similar rhythm. Change doesn’t start with suppression – it starts with awareness and self-acceptance.
Acceptance Is Not Giving Up
Acceptance is often misunderstood as giving up. In truth, genuine acceptance lays the solid groundwork for change. Seeing our current state without judgment and approaching ourselves with honesty strengthens us both mentally and emotionally.
At this point, the desire to succeed and the grip of perfectionism come into play. In today’s society, focusing on achievement is often seen as a virtue. Yet when this desire becomes excessive, it can lead us to be harsh with ourselves.
Operating with a mindset of “I must always be better” causes us to undervalue our current selves. Perfectionism, in particular, makes it nearly impossible to see or accept what already exists, because the mind is constantly focused on what should be — not what is.
True progress, however, begins when we tell ourselves, “I can start from where I am.”
The Paralysis of Perfection
Choosing not to begin a project, a task, or an experience because we think “It won’t be good enough anyway” or “If I do it, it must be perfect” often guarantees that nothing happens at all.
That’s why it’s essential to believe that some things will take shape and evolve as we go. These perfection-driven thoughts tend to paralyze us, intensify our sense of inadequacy, and reinforce the belief that we are incapable of doing anything good enough.
Break the Cycle: Start Small, Start Real
Breaking this cycle might mean shifting your focus — instead of trying to do something perfectly or ideally, aim simply to do better.
This mindset offers the opportunity to discover that real success isn’t defined by outcomes, but by the journey itself. Because success isn’t just about reaching a big goal — it’s about continuing to show up and put in effort for yourself.
It’s important to remember that truly successful people are rarely those who got it perfect from the start, but those who moved forward with patience and chose not to give up.
This is the foundation of personal growth.
Start With a Question
Perhaps the first step toward inner change begins with a question like:
“What am I ready to make space for in my inner world right now?” or
“What have I been ignoring?”
Maybe the part of yourself you’ve always rejected — the uncomfortable or messy piece — is precisely where growth begins.
When you make space for it, you’re not just accepting an emotion; you’re embracing your full potential.
Final Reminder
Remember: everything can change – but only if we first allow it to exist.
And nothing has to be perfect to begin. Often, the most meaningful transformations arise from the places that once seemed flawed or incomplete.