We are not all Pollyanna! Throughout life, people often struggle to make sense of their emotions. Emotional confusion is common; we swing between highs and lows. Sometimes we feel terrible, while at other times fragile, irritable, or cheerful. This range of emotions is perfectly natural. But no one is obligated to feel good all the time. When things are falling apart, we may not be able to look on the bright side, and the real question is: must we?
Feeling bad has never been a flaw, nor something that makes us incomplete. We cannot always maintain an optimistic attitude. Yes, Pollyanna may have been good at that, but in the flow of real life, we are not required to follow her lead.
Recognizing What We Feel: The First Step
The very first thing we must do is to notice what we are feeling. This step is often skipped. Without first asking ourselves, “What am I feeling right now?”, we tend to suppress our emotions or push ourselves to feel better immediately, thereby denying the natural course of emotions.
For instance, if a friend hurts you and your immediate thought is, “I shouldn’t be upset; they didn’t mean it,” you begin to invalidate your feelings. Yet sometimes, simply saying “I’m hurt” creates the space needed for the emotion to move through. When emotions are not expressed, they get trapped inside, and eventually, they find other ways to surface.
The Pressure to Stay Positive and the Rise of Toxic Positivity
In recent years, we’ve become surrounded by well-meaning but oppressive messages like “stay positive” and “think happy thoughts.” Behind the cheerful reminders on social media to “keep smiling,” many people are forced to sweep their broken emotions under the rug. This creates what we might call emotional suppression.
Toxic positivity leaves no room for real emotions by insisting that everything must be good. Even when you’re genuinely sad, you’re told, “Everything happens for a reason,” invalidating your pain. When you try to share your struggle, you’re met with remarks like, “But at least you’re healthy, right?” In a world where good feelings are enforced, bad ones begin to feel like a personal failure.
Suppressed Emotions and Their Psychological Toll
Not knowing what you’re feeling or being unable to claim it can later undermine your emotional regulation. When we suppress our pain, we risk experiencing emotional outbursts or periods of intense withdrawal. That’s because we’re not asking “What do I feel?”, we’re jumping straight to “What should I do?” This detachment from emotion leads us into a state of performance, rather than presence.
Over time, when people sense a mismatch between what they feel and how they act, they begin to feel alienated from themselves. When alone, this dissonance becomes harder to ignore, and we may start to feel fake or emotionally exhausted.
All Emotions Are Valid: Owning and Distinguishing Them
Emotions exist to tell us something. Anger signals a boundary violation; sadness marks a loss; fear warns of threat. These feelings should not be silenced. On the contrary, recognizing, naming, and understanding them strengthens our psychological resilience.
After asking ourselves, “Why am I feeling this way?” and “What triggered this?”, the next step is to own the feeling. “Yes, I felt this and it belongs to me.” But sometimes, the emotion we experience doesn’t belong to us. We may have absorbed someone else’s anger, fear, or guilt. In those cases, we need to be able to say, “This isn’t mine. This is their feeling, not mine.” Making that distinction not only frees us emotionally but also helps us set healthy psychological boundaries.
Emotional Growth Begins with Acceptance
We don’t grow by suppressing our emotions; we grow by accepting them. Telling ourselves, “You don’t have to feel good all the time,” opens the door to emotional growth. We are worthy, enough, and whole even when we are not feeling our best. Fully living our emotions—crying when we are sad, setting limits when we are angry, and retreating inward when we are hurt—is not only healthy, but necessary.
Pollyanna may have chosen to see the bright side of everything. But we, as human beings, are allowed to connect with every shade of emotion life offers. Sometimes we smile, sometimes we cry, and sometimes we simply pause. And in those moments, we might just come closest to what it truly means to exist.