“Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.”
— Matt Walsh
With today’s rapidly changing conditions, the age of becoming a parent is visibly increasing. This rise is often discussed in relation to biological limits or social norms. However, an individual’s psychological readiness is frequently overlooked. So, is becoming a parent at a later age a conscious choice, or an inevitable outcome of the era we live in?
Economic uncertainty, prolonged educational paths, career goals, social pressures, technological developments, and personal preferences are among the key determinants of this process. The changing structure of society also transforms individuals’ priorities in life. At this point, late parenthood should be considered not merely as a form of “postponement,” but often as a necessity or a natural course of life. What truly deserves attention is not so much the reasons, but the consequences of this situation.
Why Is The Age Of Parenthood Increasing?
It is a well-known fact that in industrialized societies, women tend to become mothers at later ages. From a psychological perspective, this is related not only to participation in working life but also to the individual’s need to complete identity development. Trying to understand “who one is” and “what one wants from life” can lead individuals to consciously postpone the parenting role.
In addition, the desire to feel financially secure and to experience freedom before taking on parental responsibilities are also influential factors. For this reason, individuals often want to feel both materially and psychologically secure before transitioning into the parenting role.
With rapidly advancing technology, anxieties associated with becoming a parent at a later age have somewhat decreased. In other words, as medical possibilities expand, individuals appear to experience the fear of “time running out” less intensely than in the past.
Effects Of Late Parenthood From The Child’s Perspective
An increase in parental age can lead to both positive and negative outcomes. These effects should be considered not only from the parents’ perspective but also from that of the child.
Is the age gap between parent and child truly a disadvantage, or is it a detail that is not as important as commonly assumed? Research shows that parental interest in a child’s health, education, fulfillment of needs, and future does not differ significantly depending on whether parents are younger or older. In other words, it is not the parent’s age, but the parenting quality that is decisive.
Individuals who become parents at an older age may have higher emotional awareness due to increased life experience. Accordingly, it has been observed that older parents experience fewer conflicts with their children and resort less frequently to harsh discipline and punitive attitudes.
Indeed, an early cohort study conducted in New Zealand revealed that as maternal age increased, the risk of reported behavioral problems in children decreased (Fergusson & Lynskey, 1993). This finding suggests that the quality of parenting is more decisive than its quantity.
However, the other side of the coin is that as age advances, the quality of the romantic relationship between couples may decline. As a result of lower perceived couple quality, expressions of love and affection reflected toward children may be perceived as more limited. A child is nourished not only by the attention directed toward them, but also by the emotional climate of the relationship between their parents.
One of the most challenging aspects of late parenthood is the concern that children may be excluded by their peers. Yet children often do not carry the meanings that adults attribute to such differences. They tend to express their thoughts superficially. Questions like “How old is your mother?” or remarks such as “Your father looks like your grandfather” are usually not conscious attempts to hurt, but rather superficial reflections of curiosity. Perhaps they do not know the meaning, or perhaps they do not know the impact of their words.
For this reason, parents’ greatest fear is that their children will encounter such labeling and feel hurt by it. At this point, parents often make extra efforts to ensure their children are not hurt and can become stronger. In fact, the key responsibility for parents is to help their children understand that differences are not something to be ashamed of or hidden, but rather something that can be talked about and understood.
Effects Of Late Parenthood From The Parents’ Perspective
The parenting role is most healthily formed after an individual enters adulthood (Yılmaz, Ülker & Yılmaz, 2018). Becoming a parent in middle or later adulthood has both advantages and challenges.
Research indicates that women who become mothers at a later age tend to have relatively lower rates of depression and anxiety during pregnancy, yet higher levels of concern regarding their babies. This concern often does not stem from a sense of inadequacy, but rather from awareness of responsibility and taking the parenting role seriously. After becoming mothers, these concerns are often replaced by interest, attachment, and a protective parenting attitude.
It has been found that mothers who have children at a later age show higher levels of interest in their children’s development, schooling, and behaviors. This situation is associated with mothers feeling more prepared and competent for the parenting role.
Similarly, individuals who become parents later in life have been found to experience less stress and conflict related to parenting, derive greater satisfaction from the parenting role, and display more accepting, compassionate, sensitive, and involved attitudes toward their children (Helms-Erikson, 2001; Goldberg, 2014; Pekel Uludağlı, 2017). These findings support the view that the quality of parenting is related not to age, but to psychological readiness.
In Conclusion
The answer to the question “At what age does one need to be to be a good parent?” is often found not in numbers, but in relationships.
From a psychological perspective, late parenthood is neither a deficiency nor an inherent advantage. What is decisive is not the parent’s age, but their emotional availability, awareness, and capacity to build relationships. Parenting is not a race against time; it is a matter of emotional connection. And often, good parenting does not begin at the “right” age, but at the right psychological place.
References
• Balcı, A., Aydın Kılıç, Z. N., Tezel Şahin, F., & Tutkun, C. (2024). Examination of the self-perception of the parenting role and their interest towards their children of mothers who have children at early and late ages. 3rd International Turkic And World Women’s Studies Congress.
• Ylänne, V. (2015). Too old to parent? Discursive representations of late parenting in the British press. Discourse & Communication, 10(2), 176–197.
• Barnes, J., Gardiner, J., Sutcliffe, A., & Melhuish, E. (2014). The parenting of preschool children by older mothers in the United Kingdom. European Journal Of Developmental Psychology, 11(4), 397–419.
• Lysons, J., & Jadva, V. (2023). The psychosocial outcomes of older parenthood in early to mid-childhood: a mini-review. Human Reproduction, 38(6).