Every Ending Carries A Grief Of Its Own
Every ending opens the door to a grieving process that comes with it.
But have you ever wondered: what kind of grief do beginnings hold?
Or why do beginnings sometimes feel heavy, even painful?
The loss of routine, the structured uncertainty that follows the first step, or the part of us that waits for perfection before starting — seemingly flawless, yet immobilized… All of these can quietly pull us into an inner crisis.
Routine is a safe zone for the human mind. It is easy to choose and difficult to give up. A beginning, on the other hand, belongs to the unfamiliar. And precisely for this reason, it interrupts our attachment to what is known.
From a psychodynamic perspective, endings are experienced as losses — small or large. A relationship, a goal, a role, a dream… all require grief. Grief is not limited to the death of a loved one; it includes every loss we are capable of experiencing.
For this reason, what may look like simple laziness due to the difficulty of taking action can, in fact, contain multiple psychological layers. In this piece, I aim to explore those layers with you.
Does A Beginning Really Have To Be Orderly Or Aesthetic?
The first step, first love, first word…
Just as our “firsts” were never masterpieces, we cannot expect perfection from every beginning.
Sometimes ruining a basket of figs is more meaningful than never owning figs at all. Because the courage to carry them belonged to you from the start.
Diving In Suddenly Or Stepping In Slowly?
Some people act with a “now or never” mindset. For them, starting becomes a way to regulate anxiety. The moment they act, they feel safe — control begins where action begins.
Others prefer to move slowly. Their nervous systems prioritize balance. Starting something new is not a threat, but a process that requires preparation. They establish control through planning and anticipation.
So people do not start suddenly because they are brave, nor do they move slowly because they are lazy. Each style reflects a different way of coping with anxiety, uncertainty, and the need for control.
Procrastination And Starting Tolerance
Procrastination is often an attempt to regulate fear of failure, feelings of inadequacy, or overwhelm by postponing them. What is delayed is not the task itself, but the emotions anticipated once the task begins.
Starting tolerance refers to a person’s capacity to begin despite uncertainty, imperfection, mistakes, and uncomfortable emotions. Those with low starting tolerance struggle to begin without clarity. They frequently say, “I’m not ready yet.” What they are truly waiting for is not readiness — but safety.
Individuals with high starting tolerance can begin with missing pieces. They tolerate the possibility of error and trust their ability to adjust along the way.
For some, what is desired at the beginning is silence itself; for others, it is breaking through the deep silence within.
Why Does Inner Resistance Appear As Inaction? (A Neuropsychological Perspective)
The inner resistance felt just before starting an action is often not a conscious decision, but an automatic protective response of the brain. For the brain, starting is not merely an action — it represents uncertainty, potential mistakes, and possible loss.
In this state, inaction temporarily becomes a safe space.
The amygdala, responsible for threat detection, interprets starting as risk. Inaction helps quiet this alarm, even if only briefly.
The Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC), the brain’s conflict-monitoring region, detects the tension between wanting to act and wanting to avoid. Wanting to begin while simultaneously feeling fear activates the ACC. When this conflict persists, the brain chooses the fastest way to reduce tension: doing nothing.
In this sense, inaction is not passivity — it is a method of tension regulation.
The Prefrontal Cortex (PFC), responsible for planning, decision-making, and initiating behavior, becomes less effective under stress, anxiety, or intense self-criticism. As amygdala activation increases, the regulatory power of the PFC weakens. The person knows what to do, yet lacks the mental energy to initiate action. What appears as “lack of motivation” is often a temporary disengagement of the PFC.
Inaction delays the cognitive load of decision-making.
Why Do We Believe “Starting Is Hard, Continuing Is Easy”?
For the brain, uncertainty is the most difficult state to tolerate. Before starting, the brain does not know how long the process will take, how it will feel, or what outcome it will lead to. This ambiguity elevates amygdala activation and intensifies inner resistance.
Once action begins, the situation becomes familiar. The brain exits threat mode and enters process mode. With this shift, inner tension decreases noticeably. Progress signals emerge, triggering dopamine release — not as pleasure, but as motivation to continue.
This is why starting can feel difficult: dopamine has not yet entered the system. Continuing becomes easier once the system is internally reinforced. However, true ease depends on the meaning the individual assigns to the process.
When a sense of safety is established, the nervous system relaxes — and a relaxed mind accesses the strength required to continue.
Is Every Ending A New Beginning?
An ending transforms into a new beginning only under certain conditions: acceptance of loss, emotional regulation, and reconstruction of meaning. Beginnings do not arise from endings that simply stop — but from closures that are internally completed. Without finishing the grief within, the door to a new beginning cannot be opened.
How Does A Good Beginning Affect Focus?
Contrary to popular belief, focus is not merely a matter of willpower. The brain decides whether to engage during the first moments of contact. This makes beginnings — whether of a film, a book, or a life change — decisive for sustained attention.
A strong beginning does not reveal everything at once. It leaves gaps of curiosity. These gaps activate the dopamine system. As dopamine increases, time perception fades, and focus shifts from effort to immersion.
Before The First Step: What We Leave Behind
From an existential perspective, beginning does not always promise progress, action, or courage. Sometimes it brings confrontation, sometimes acceptance, and sometimes loss.
These moments that activate our small inner griefs are the baby steps of moving away from familiar rhythms and learning to attune ourselves to a new symphony.
Because some beginnings require not moving forward, but learning how to let go.