“Some are just alone, while others are always by themselves…”
I came across this line a few years ago. I couldn’t quite understand it back then, but it had a strange way of hurting somewhere deep inside me. Can someone feel lonely without being alone? And is that really as scary as it sounds?
That’s when I started to understand something I had seen for years in my clients but couldn’t name—this bittersweet feeling inside. Even though they had strong social skills and seemed good at communication, something inside still felt… incomplete. Like they had swallowed a balloon that kept growing, leaving behind a strange emptiness. A tiny ringing sound in the middle of crowds and noise… They belonged to friends and to dance groups, to school teams, as the disciplined music student, or the well-behaved son/daughter of the family. And yes, at some point, they truly did belong to those roles. They lived them joyfully. But then they stepped back for a moment and looked at themselves. They felt grateful for that version of their life. And then the time came they no longer fit into those roles. When they isolated themselves or tried to talk about the changes they were going through, people around them couldn’t quite understand. They took what they could from each other and drifted apart. This doesn’t mean there were mistakes, or that they won’t meet again. It means that, in a wiser version of themselves, they might meet again and build healthier relationships. Remembering memories with a smile and sometimes with tears is just part of life’s journey.
So in this change, how do we adapt to our own “me in the moment”? When our lips say, “I don’t know what I want,” maybe we can at least say, “But I know what I don’t want.” As of 2023, the world’s population is around 8 billion, and Türkiye’s is about 85 million. “Me” is not the only one on this crowded planet searching for a place to belong, and as “me” connects with others on their own journeys, the joy of discovering self-identity will keep fueling motivation. As we explore, meet others, and experience new things, discovering ourselves can boost our motivation too.
Recently, I’ve seen events that, without trying to make people socialize, end up doing exactly that. For example, I met so many different and interesting people just by taking my new puppy to the dog park. Even though our lives are all over the place, the dog park had a clear, shared goal: finding friends for our dogs. Some people shared their experiences, gave advice, and simply by showing up at the same time each day, we ended up going for walks or grabbing coffee. You might find yourself becoming friends with people you never thought you’d talk to. The best part? You don’t need to put in extra effort or take on extra responsibilities. Sometimes, the people you never expected to connect with can surprise you, and that becomes part of discovering yourself too.
If you’re thinking, “Well, I don’t have a dog,” there are plenty of other options. Thanks to my dog, I started walking at different times of day and often saw people running in those new trend “run groups.” They start with a short intro, warm-up moves, and then run in small groups based on the level. Even slowing down during the run gives people a chance to chat. And yes, if you’re looking to meet someone romantically, it can be a great chance too.
But what if the “me in the moment” is holding onto the wrong people just out of fear of loneliness? What if we keep going to the wrong places, hoping that will change, just because we’re scared of loneliness? As one of my teachers says: “People don’t leave when they’re lied to or disappointed. They leave when there’s no more hope.” We often see people’s potential and wait for them to turn into a better version of themselves. In the process, we ignore things that actually hurt us. That’s like building a dream world and forcing ourselves to live in it. Instead of accepting people as they are, we try to turn them into someone they’re not. But that says more about the value we place on ourselves than it does about them. We try to change parts of them because we think it’ll make us feel better, but this actually takes away from who they really are. And when that change doesn’t happen, we get disappointed and bring frustration to our own “me in the moment.”
As someone who believes that social relationships require effort, I think it’s not about trying to manipulate or change others, but about expressing the things you’d like to be different through open and honest communication, and that this can lead to healthier connections. And if the other person is on the same page with you, it’s simply wonderful. But if not, a solution can still be found either by seeking a middle ground or gently parting ways with mutual respect and the right tone, without wearing each other down.
Life can sometimes feel lonely. But true loneliness begins when we disconnect from ourselves. So no matter what happens, come back to yourself. Because your best companion is the “me in the moment.” Wishing you a life where you enrich your personal growth journey without ever losing your own value…