Weoftenwitnesswomenasiftheyconstantlyneedtoprovetheircompetence.Inthisarticle,Iwilldiscussthepsychologicalpressuresthatchildbirthanditsassociatedchallengesimposeonwomen,especiallywithinthis “performancestage”createdbysocietalexpectations.
BirthMethodOrMeasureOfWorth?
Thechoiceofchildbirthmethod,whichshouldbeentirelyunderthewoman’scontrol,hasbecomeanareathateveryoneelsefeelsentitledtodominate.Exceptfornecessarymedicalreasons,nooneshouldexertpressureonawomanduringthisprocess.Alreadychallengingandvulnerable,childbirthshouldbesupportedandfacilitatedbythepeoplearoundthemother.
Nowoman’svalueshouldbejudgedbasedonherchoiceofbirthmethod.Sheshouldnotfacefeelingsofinadequacyorjudgmentbecauseofherdecision.
CesareanBirth:The “DefectiveProduct”Mentality
Phrasesunconsciouslyembeddedinsociety’slanguagecanfurtherburdenwomenwhohavealreadyenduredadifficultperiod.Inparticular,afteracesareanbirth,expressionssuchas “lazybirth,” “itwasn’tnormal,”or “shetooktheeasywayout”mightaswellbedirectedatadefectiveproductfromafactory.
Yetthefemalebodyisnotafactory,andthebabyisnotaproduct.Undernocircumstancesshouldawoman’sbodybeturnedintoaperformancearena.
DoesEveryWomanWantToBeAMother?
Maternalinstinctisnotanabsoluteoruniversaltruth.
Biologically,humanshaveatendencytocareforothers,supportedbytheattachmentsystemandhormonessuchasoxytocin.However,thisdoesnotmeanthat “everywomanisbornwantingtobeamother.”
Inpsychology,instinctsarenotrigid.Ourbehaviorsareshapednotonlybybiologybutalsobypersonalitypatterns,childhoodexperiences,attachmentstyles,traumas,goals,andtheculturewelivein.
Somewomendeeplydesirechildren,whileothersmayfeelnosuchurge,ortheirperspectivesmaychangeovertime.Thisisneitheradeficiencynor “againstnature.”Thecapacitytonurturedoesnotequalthedesiretobecomeamother,andsocietalrolesdonotalwaysalignwithpersonalwishes.
Societyoftenpresentsmotherhoodasanaturalandinevitableextensionofwomanhood.Psychologically,whatishealthyisforindividualstomakechoicesfreely—notoutofobligation.
Womenwhodonotwantchildren,orwhowanttobemothersbutcannot,areoftenlabeled “incomplete,” “half,”or “selfish.”Theselabelsreflectsocialstereotypes.Yetnoteverywomanisbornwithamaternalinstinct,andnoteverywomanmustbecomeamother.
Motherhoodisnotaninevitableend;itisaconsciouschoice.
TheConstraintOfSanctity
Societyimposestwoextremerolesonwomen:theselfless,saintlymotherandtheinadequate,complainingwoman.
Awomanisoftengrantedstatussolelythroughheridentityasamother.Ifsheisamother,hereffortsarereveredandhermistakesoverlooked.Ifsheisnot,shemaybecomethesubjectofcritiqueanddiscussion.
Inreligiousnarratives,thenotionofabsoluteforgivenessattributedtomothershasplayedamajorroleinmakingmaternalidentitysociallyuntouchable.However,everyroledeemed “sacred”simultaneouslydenieshumanity.
Awomanneednotbeasaintnorasinner.Simplybeinghumanisenough.
States,Medicine,AndThe “Normal”BirthDiscourse
Wemustpayattentiontotheunderlyingmeaningoftheword “normal.”Doesitmean “natural”? “Morallycorrect”?Orisitaproductofstatepolicy?
Byorganizingbirthmethodsaccordingtopopulationmanagement,costconsiderations,andhealthcaresystems,statesandmedicalpoliciesturnthefemalebodyfromapersonaldomainintoapublicissue.Consequently,theword “normal”ceasestobepurelymedicalandgainsapoliticaldimension.
Thephrase “normalbirth”canunconsciouslycreatefeelingsofinadequacyorfailureinwomenwhoexperiencechildbirthdifferently.Yetthemethodofbirthisnotameasureofcompetence;itistheresultofcircumstancesandpersonalchoices.
Thefemalebodyisnotadomaintobedominatedbywords—itisaspacewherewomenremainthesubjectsoftheirowndecisions.
PostpartumReality:DepressionAfterBirth
Childbirthisnotjustthearrivalofababy;itisalsothedissolutionofthemother’spreviousidentityandtheconstructionofanewone.Thistransitionalprocessmaybringgrief,loss,anduncertainty.
Postpartumdepressionisaseriousmentalhealthconcernthatoftengoesunnoticed.Itisnotmerelytemporarysadness;itcanmanifestasintenseanxiety,cryingspells,feelingsofworthlessness,andsometimeseventhedesiretoescape.Duringthisperiod,amothermayfeelalienatedfromherbaby,hersurroundings,andevenherself.
Noteverymotherimmediatelyexperiencesintenseloveforhernewborn.Attachmentcantaketime.However,societalexpectationssuchas “motherhoodisthehappiestmoment”or “youmustbehappy”canintensifytheconflictbetweenamother’slivedrealityandsocialexpectations,deepeningdepressivesymptoms.
Everyexperienceisunique.Therefore,wemustbemindfulofthewordsweuse.
Amother’sunhappinessisnotshameful;itisasignal.Itmustbeacknowledged,notignored.
WhenDoesMotherhoodBegin?
Motherhooddoesnotbeginatasinglemoment—notonlyinthedeliveryroom,noratthefirstsightofthetwolinesonapregnancytest.
Itisbuiltovertimethroughsustainedrelationships.Whatmattersmostforachildisnottheinitialphysicalcontactbutrepeatedexperiencesofsafety.Achildwhoseneedsareconsistentlymet—whoisseenandheard—beginstoencodetheworldasasecureplace.
Motherhoodiscultivatedthroughtheserepeatedinteractions.Itisnotasingletouchbuttheabilitytosustainconnection,tocarryanother’sexistenceresponsiblyandwithcare.
Conclusion
Intheperformancearenawherewomenareconstantlyexpectedtoprovethemselves,childbirthshouldnotbecomeameasureofworth.Neitherthemethodofbirth,northechoicetobecomeamother,northewaymotherhoodisexperienceddeterminesawoman’svalue.
Thefemalebodyisnotatestingground.Motherhoodisnotmerelyarole;itisaformofrelationship.
Everywomanhastherighttoexistwithoutsanctificationorjudgment.
Beinghumanisenough.