We often witness women as if they constantly need to prove their competence. In this article, I will discuss the psychological pressures that childbirth and its associated challenges impose on women, especially within this “performance stage” created by societal expectations.
Birth Method Or Measure Of Worth?
The choice of childbirth method, which should be entirely under the woman’s control, has become an area that everyone else feels entitled to dominate. Except for necessary medical reasons, no one should exert pressure on a woman during this process. Already challenging and vulnerable, childbirth should be supported and facilitated by the people around the mother.
No woman’s value should be judged based on her choice of birth method. She should not face feelings of inadequacy or judgment because of her decision.
Cesarean Birth: The “Defective Product” Mentality
Phrases unconsciously embedded in society’s language can further burden women who have already endured a difficult period. In particular, after a cesarean birth, expressions such as “lazy birth,” “it wasn’t normal,” or “she took the easy way out” might as well be directed at a defective product from a factory.
Yet the female body is not a factory, and the baby is not a product. Under no circumstances should a woman’s body be turned into a performance arena.
Does Every Woman Want To Be A Mother?
Maternal instinct is not an absolute or universal truth.
Biologically, humans have a tendency to care for others, supported by the attachment system and hormones such as oxytocin. However, this does not mean that “every woman is born wanting to be a mother.”
In psychology, instincts are not rigid. Our behaviors are shaped not only by biology but also by personality patterns, childhood experiences, attachment styles, traumas, goals, and the culture we live in.
Some women deeply desire children, while others may feel no such urge, or their perspectives may change over time. This is neither a deficiency nor “against nature.” The capacity to nurture does not equal the desire to become a mother, and societal roles do not always align with personal wishes.
Society often presents motherhood as a natural and inevitable extension of womanhood. Psychologically, what is healthy is for individuals to make choices freely—not out of obligation.
Women who do not want children, or who want to be mothers but cannot, are often labeled “incomplete,” “half,” or “selfish.” These labels reflect social stereotypes. Yet not every woman is born with a maternal instinct, and not every woman must become a mother.
Motherhood is not an inevitable end; it is a conscious choice.
The Constraint Of Sanctity
Society imposes two extreme roles on women: the selfless, saintly mother and the inadequate, complaining woman.
A woman is often granted status solely through her identity as a mother. If she is a mother, her efforts are revered and her mistakes overlooked. If she is not, she may become the subject of critique and discussion.
In religious narratives, the notion of absolute forgiveness attributed to mothers has played a major role in making maternal identity socially untouchable. However, every role deemed “sacred” simultaneously denies humanity.
A woman need not be a saint nor a sinner. Simply being human is enough.
States, Medicine, And The “Normal” Birth Discourse
We must pay attention to the underlying meaning of the word “normal.” Does it mean “natural”? “Morally correct”? Or is it a product of state policy?
By organizing birth methods according to population management, cost considerations, and healthcare systems, states and medical policies turn the female body from a personal domain into a public issue. Consequently, the word “normal” ceases to be purely medical and gains a political dimension.
The phrase “normal birth” can unconsciously create feelings of inadequacy or failure in women who experience childbirth differently. Yet the method of birth is not a measure of competence; it is the result of circumstances and personal choices.
The female body is not a domain to be dominated by words—it is a space where women remain the subjects of their own decisions.
Postpartum Reality: Depression After Birth
Childbirth is not just the arrival of a baby; it is also the dissolution of the mother’s previous identity and the construction of a new one. This transitional process may bring grief, loss, and uncertainty.
Postpartum depression is a serious mental health concern that often goes unnoticed. It is not merely temporary sadness; it can manifest as intense anxiety, crying spells, feelings of worthlessness, and sometimes even the desire to escape. During this period, a mother may feel alienated from her baby, her surroundings, and even herself.
Not every mother immediately experiences intense love for her newborn. Attachment can take time. However, societal expectations such as “motherhood is the happiest moment” or “you must be happy” can intensify the conflict between a mother’s lived reality and social expectations, deepening depressive symptoms.
Every experience is unique. Therefore, we must be mindful of the words we use.
A mother’s unhappiness is not shameful; it is a signal. It must be acknowledged, not ignored.
When Does Motherhood Begin?
Motherhood does not begin at a single moment—not only in the delivery room, nor at the first sight of the two lines on a pregnancy test.
It is built over time through sustained relationships. What matters most for a child is not the initial physical contact but repeated experiences of safety. A child whose needs are consistently met—who is seen and heard—begins to encode the world as a secure place.
Motherhood is cultivated through these repeated interactions. It is not a single touch but the ability to sustain connection, to carry another’s existence responsibly and with care.
Conclusion
In the performance arena where women are constantly expected to prove themselves, childbirth should not become a measure of worth. Neither the method of birth, nor the choice to become a mother, nor the way motherhood is experienced determines a woman’s value.
The female body is not a testing ground. Motherhood is not merely a role; it is a form of relationship.
Every woman has the right to exist without sanctification or judgment.
Being human is enough.