“Today, we are together with Research Assistant Sevda Kartal, who addresses topics such as family, parenting, and motherhood in light of both her academic studies and her experiences and observations as a mother of two. In our interview, we will discuss the concepts of maternal gatekeeping – the gatekeeping mother – and the ideal mother, and evaluate them through both theoretical knowledge and practical observations.”
1. Hi, could you briefly introduce yourself and your work?
-Sevda Kartal. I am pursuing a PhD in Child Development at Ankara University. At the same time, I work as a Research Assistant in the Department of Child Development at the Faculty of Health Sciences, Hakkâri University. I enjoy nature, seeing different countries and cultures, taking long solitary walks, engaging with children, and conducting research about them.
2. How would you define maternal gatekeeping in light of your research and observations?
-Although maternal gatekeeping is not frequently expressed as a concept in our country, it is widely observed in social practice as a parenting behavior. This concept refers to mothers’ attitudes and behaviors that encourage, limit, or control fathers’ involvement in childcare and upbringing. Mothers who exhibit gatekeeping behaviors not only fulfill their responsibilities toward their children but may also tend to direct, restrict, and supervise the father’s parenting role.
3. What psychological or cultural factors lie behind gatekeeping mother behaviors?
-Maternal gatekeeping behaviors are shaped by the interaction of both psychological and cultural factors. Psychologically, a mother’s own childhood experiences, the positive or negative caregiving patterns she observed from her parents, how she constructs her maternal identity, and her perception of competence in parenting play a decisive role. Especially, the desire to be a “better” or “different” mother based on past experiences can increase the tendency to maintain control over the childcare process. In addition, perfectionism, feelings of guilt, and the concern of meeting the child’s needs in the best possible way are among the important psychological factors that feed maternal gatekeeping behaviors.
From a cultural perspective, gender roles and the meanings attributed to motherhood play a significant role in the emergence of these behaviors. Widespread beliefs that mothers are primarily responsible for childcare can lead them to adopt this role and consciously or implicitly limit the father’s involvement.
4. What are your observations regarding maternal gatekeeping behaviors in Türkiye?
-In Türkiye, maternal gatekeeping behaviors, although not always explicitly named, are frequently observed in everyday family life and are generally shaped by cultural norms, perceptions of motherhood, and parental roles. Observations in this context show that mothers occupy a central and decisive position in childcare, while fathers often assume a more limited and guided role.
For example, in many families, when a father wants to be involved in childcare, he may encounter interventions from the mother such as “don’t do it like that, let me do it” or “you’ll do it wrong.” Such situations stem from the mother’s belief that she manages the caregiving process more correctly and may lead the father to withdraw over time. Similarly, it is a common pattern that the time fathers spend with their children is mostly limited to play, while mothers maintain control over areas such as nutrition, sleep routines, and education.
Another example is when the mother makes decisions about the child on her own. Issues such as which school the child will attend, how the child will be fed, or which rules will be applied may involve little to no input from the father, or his input may remain merely symbolic – this can be considered an implicit indicator of maternal gatekeeping. This situation is often associated with the belief that “I know my child best.”
5. What are the short- and long-term effects of maternal gatekeeping on child development?
-Maternal gatekeeping refers to mothers’ attitudes and behaviors that either encourage or restrict fathers’ involvement in childcare. In the short term, particularly restrictive (controlling/critical) forms of maternal gatekeeping can reduce fathers’ participation in childcare, thereby limiting the diversity of the child’s daily interactions. This narrows the child’s opportunities for social learning and may weaken the bond with the father.
Additionally, differences of opinion and behavior between parents may increase tension, which can lead to stress and behavioral problems in the child. In the long term, consistently restrictive maternal gatekeeping can make it more difficult for the child to develop a secure attachment with the father, which may negatively affect social relationships, self-efficacy, and identity development in later years. Low paternal involvement can pose risks for academic achievement, self-confidence, and especially role model development in boys. In contrast, supportive (encouraging) maternal gatekeeping can enhance the father’s involvement, supporting the child’s holistic development; the child may develop stronger social skills, better emotional adjustment, and higher life satisfaction.
6. What maternal attitudes hinder fathers’ involvement in childcare?
-Maternal attitudes that hinder fathers’ involvement in childcare are shaped around control, criticism, lack of trust, traditional role beliefs, and exclusionary behaviors. In contrast, supportive and encouraging attitudes increase fathers’ involvement, strengthening both parental cooperation and the child’s development.
7. How can a healthy division of roles between mother and father be achieved?
-First and foremost, open and regular communication is essential. Parents should clearly discuss childcare, household responsibilities, and expectations, which helps reduce role ambiguity. Research shows that in families with high parental harmony, fathers are more actively involved in childcare. Therefore, making decisions together and adopting an “equal parenting” approach instead of the idea of the “helping father” is critically important.
Additionally, responsibilities should be shared flexibly and fairly. Instead of fixed and rigid role distributions, tasks should be allocated based on parents’ working hours, interests, and skills. For example, fathers should not be limited to playing with the child but should also take an active role in caregiving, education, and daily routines. This supports the child in forming strong bonds with both parents.
It is also important for the mother to trust the father and allow him space. Overly controlling or critical attitudes reduce the father’s involvement, whereas supportive attitudes (encouragement and appreciation) increase his parental self-efficacy. Likewise, fathers should not avoid responsibility and should take active initiative.
8. How do you interpret the concept of the “ideal mother” in terms of child development?
-In contemporary developmental psychology literature, the concept of the “ideal mother” has largely been replaced by a more realistic and functional concept: the “good enough mother.” Introduced by Donald Winnicott, this approach emphasizes not perfection but providing care that is sensitive and consistent with the child’s basic needs, while gradually allowing space for the child’s independence.
From this perspective, the mother responds highly to the child’s needs in early stages, but later “withdraws” in a controlled way, enabling the child to develop problem-solving, emotional regulation, and self-efficacy skills. Thus, the “good enough mother” represents a balanced and flexible parenting style that adapts to the child’s developmental needs-neither overly intrusive nor completely disengaged.
9. What are the main differences between the ideal mother and the gatekeeping mother?
-While the ideal mother supports the child’s healthy development through balance, flexibility, and cooperation, the gatekeeping mother is characterized by control, restriction, and intervention. The differences between the “good enough mother” and the “gatekeeping mother” can be understood across several dimensions:
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Level of control: The good enough mother allows space for both the child and the father, whereas the gatekeeping mother centralizes control. This may limit both the child’s autonomy and the father’s parenting role.
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Parental relationship: The good enough mother supports cooperation and co-parenting, while the gatekeeping mother may display critical, directive, or exclusionary behaviors, reducing the father’s parental self-efficacy and leading to withdrawal.
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Impact on child development: Good enough parenting supports secure attachment, self-confidence, and independence. In contrast, gatekeeping attitudes may lead to dependency, difficulty adapting to different caregiving styles, and limited social learning opportunities.
10. Finally, what is the most important message you would like to give to mothers and expectant mothers?
-The most important message is to move away from the pressure of being a “perfect mother” and embrace the idea that being a “good enough mother” is the healthiest approach for your child. This perspective emphasizes that sensitivity, consistency, and gradually allowing independence-not perfection-are what truly matter for a child’s development.
Instead of trying to meet every need perfectly, allowing your child to experience life and cope with small challenges contributes to raising a stronger individual in the long term. At this point, being mindful of maternal gatekeeping behaviors is important. Holding all control or unintentionally limiting the father’s involvement may restrict the child’s learning experiences and reduce the father’s confidence in parenting.
On the contrary, active father involvement enriches the child’s social, emotional, and cognitive development. Therefore, making space for the father, allowing different parenting styles, and sharing rather than controlling is beneficial for the child.
Finally, be compassionate toward yourself. Making mistakes is a natural part of parenting. What matters is not being flawless, but remaining open to learning, flexible, and responsive to your child’s needs. For a child, the most valuable thing is not a perfect mother, but a secure, supportive, and cooperative parenting environment.