Everyone has unpleasant memories they’d rather not think about. Avoiding these distressing memories and pushing them into the background is one of the most natural things we do. Our brain does this by stopping the memory from reaching our awareness. But it doesn’t just block recall in the moment. Research shows that suppressed memories can stay harder to remember for a long time. In other words, forgetting isn’t just something that happens over time—it can be an active process we can shape. This is what psychologists call motivated forgetting. It’s the mind’s way of consciously or unconsciously weakening or suppressing certain memories. It’s also one way researchers explain why some childhood traumas remain difficult to remember.
The Origins of Motivated Forgetting
The idea of “repression” comes from Freud, who described it as pushing unwanted memories into the unconscious. These memories stay hidden but can sometimes show up as symptoms. Repression was the first theory to explain motivated forgetting. Modern neuroscience looks at this not just as a psychoanalytic idea, but as something the brain actually does. That’s why researchers use specific experiments, or paradigms, to study it.
One of the most common is called “Directed Forgetting.” In these experiments, people are shown words, images, or sentences. Some are told to “remember this,” while others are told “forget this.” At the end, the “forget” items are remembered less. This shows that the brain can actually choose not to store some information. In everyday life, ignoring certain study topics thinking ‘it won’t appear on the exam anyway’ is an example of the same thing. Later, recalling that topic really does become harder.
The Think/No-Think Paradigm
Another popular method is the Think/No-Think (TNT) paradigm. Here, participants are shown cue–memory pairs (like tree and cat). Later, when they see “tree,” sometimes they are asked to recall “cat,” and sometimes to avoid thinking about it. After practicing this repeatedly, the memories they are told not to recall become weaker, making them harder to bring to mind. An example is hearing a song that reminds you of an ex and consciously trying not to think about them. This shows that while cues can trigger memories automatically, our brain can stop them from coming up. This process is closely linked to memory suppression.
How the Brain Suppresses Memories
This works because the prefrontal cortex (the brain’s “control center”) can suppress the hippocampus, which stores memories. The brain sends a “don’t remember this!” signal, helping to block recall in the short term and making the memory harder to retrieve later. The amygdala, which handles emotions like fear and anxiety, also becomes less active during suppression, so both the memory and the feelings attached to it weaken.
Sometimes, instead of directly blocking a bad memory, we bring another memory to mind. For example, when a traumatic image pops up, we might think of a happy place, event, or person instead. This strategy is called “thought substitution.”
When Motivated Forgetting Fails
Sometimes, this forgetting system doesn’t work properly. In PTSD, traumatic memories keep coming back because they are tied to very strong emotions. The prefrontal cortex can’t suppress the hippocampus enough, so memories return even when the person doesn’t want them to. In depression, blocking negative thoughts is also harder, and motivation drops. People often get stuck in rumination, endlessly replaying negative thoughts without finding solutions. In both cases, motivated forgetting fails—wanting to forget isn’t enough if the brain’s control system isn’t working properly.
The Emotional Benefits of Forgetting
Forgetting isn’t just a mental process—it also helps regulate emotions. By suppressing unwanted memories, we reduce the anxiety, fear, or sadness attached to them. While forgetting is often seen as negative, it’s actually a way our mind protects us. We can’t enjoy every memory, and limiting how long unpleasant events occupy our awareness helps maintain emotional balance, preserve our sense of self, and focus on life. Everyone uses this mechanism in daily life. Choosing not to dwell on failures, shame, or past relationship conflicts helps protect both our relationships and mental health.
Forgetting isn’t just a natural loss over time; the brain can actively process, suppress, or reshape unpleasant memories. This shows that our memory is both flexible and protective.