We all know that dizzying, almost intoxicating excitement that comes with a new flirtation — the racing heartbeat when their name appears on our screen, the butterflies fluttering in our stomach, the daydreams of a shared future. This magical beginning feels like walking on a pink cloud — and, scientifically speaking, that’s not far from the truth.
During the early stages of attraction, our brain releases a powerful chemical cocktail: dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. These neurochemicals create intense pleasure, bonding, and euphoria. However, this same neurochemical rush can also cloud our judgment, making it difficult to notice the dangerous red flags hidden beneath the pink clouds.
Dating, ideally, should be a healthy process of mutual discovery. Yet for some manipulative individuals, it becomes a battlefield for control and power. Let’s explore three common manipulation tactics, how they affect the brain, and how to protect ourselves in this neurological storm.
1. Love-Bombing: From Instant Pleasure To Lasting Addiction
You’ve only known each other for a week, yet they call you their “soulmate,” talk about traveling the world together, and flood you with affection, compliments, or even lavish gifts. They mirror your interests, integrate themselves into your life, and make you feel like you’ve finally met “the one.”
While it seems like a romantic dream, this may actually be the manipulative tactic known as love-bombing.
What Happens In The Brain?
This overwhelming display of affection activates the ventral tegmental area (VTA) — the brain’s reward and motivation center.
Here, dopamine — the “pleasure molecule” — is released in abundance, producing a neurological high strikingly similar to that of substance addiction.
The manipulator’s goal is to make themselves your sole source of dopamine — your emotional “drug.” Once they’ve secured control, they withdraw their affection, triggering a kind of dopamine withdrawal.
These withdrawal symptoms — anxiety, confusion, and craving — make you more likely to comply with their behavior to recapture that initial euphoria (Öztürk & Yılmaz, 2023).
2. Gaslighting: Playing With The Borders Of Reality
“You’re remembering it wrong.”
“You’re overreacting again.”
“I was just joking — you’re so sensitive.”
If these phrases sound familiar, you may be experiencing gaslighting, a form of psychological abuse designed to make you doubt your perception of reality.
Named after the 1944 film Gaslight, this tactic works gradually — eroding your confidence until you begin to question your memory, emotions, and even your sanity.
What Happens In The Brain?
Chronic exposure to gaslighting triggers a constant fight-or-flight response. This keeps levels of cortisol, the body’s stress hormone, persistently elevated.
High cortisol has a toxic effect on the hippocampus — the brain region responsible for memory and learning — weakening your ability to recall events clearly (Kaya, 2022).
In other words, the confusion you feel isn’t “just in your head.” It’s a neurological consequence of emotional manipulation. The manipulator exploits this cognitive fog, making you more controllable and dependent.
Over time, you may find yourself asking, “Am I the problem? Am I the crazy one?” — one of the most dangerous signs of psychological capture.
3. Ghosting: The Physical Pain Of Silence
Everything was going well — messages, laughter, shared plans — and then they vanish. No call, no explanation, no closure. Welcome to the digital age’s coldest breakup method: ghosting.
What Happens In The Brain?
Humans are inherently social creatures. Our brains are wired for connection and acceptance.
When someone unexpectedly disappears, we experience social rejection, one of the most profound psychological threats to the human brain.
fMRI studies show that social rejection activates the anterior cingulate cortex, the same region involved in physical pain processing (LeFebvre et al., 2019).
This means that ghosting literally hurts — your brain interprets it as real, physical pain.
Worse still, our minds crave closure.
Without an explanation, we spiral into endless loops of “Why?” and “What did I do wrong?” — leaving the brain trapped in cognitive dissonance and self-blame.
Conclusion: Equip Your Neurological Shields
Knowledge is your first line of defense. Understanding how these tactics manipulate your neurochemistry allows you to reclaim your emotional agency.
Here are a few ways to protect yourself:
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Pace Yourself: If a relationship feels too fast, slow it down. Genuine connections develop gradually.
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Reality Check: Talk to a trusted friend or therapist. Outsiders often see red flags that you may overlook.
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Keep A Journal: Especially if you suspect gaslighting, documenting events helps you trust your own memory again.
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Trust Your Gut: Chemistry should excite you, not confuse you. If something feels off, listen to that intuition — it’s your brain’s early warning system.
Remember: Love should awaken your brain’s chemistry, not weaponize it.
Healthy affection nurtures your mind — it doesn’t turn it into a battlefield.
References
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Kaya, S. (2022). The effects of emotional manipulation on self-esteem. Journal of Psychology Research, 14(2), 112–128.
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LeFebvre, L. E., Allen, M., Rasner, R. D., Garstad, S., Wilms, A., & Parrish, C. (2019). Ghosting in emerging adults’ romantic relationships: The digital dissolution disappearance strategy. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 39(2), 125–150.
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Öztürk, M., & Yılmaz, A. (2023). Attachment styles and love bombing in narcissistic relationships. Turkish Journal of Social Psychology, 25(1), 45–60.