Where do we distinguish the line between being truly in love and being addicted? Love is often seen as a bond that empowers people and makes them start a new day with hope and motivation. However, when that invisible thin line between love and addiction is crossed, it can turn into a dependency that makes people lose control and feel that they cannot do without it. This blind dependency can not only harm oneself but can also have a significant impact on the other person’s life.
Love, from a psychological perspective, is not merely a romantic feeling; it is also a complex experience involving biological, cognitive, and social processes working together. The emotion we call love arises from the effects of neurotransmitters and hormones in the brain, such as dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin. These chemicals trigger feelings of pleasure, attachment, trust, and desire in a person. For example, dopamine increases feelings of reward and happiness, while oxytocin strengthens feelings of attachment and trust.
Looking at the cognitive dimension of love, we can say that love is a process of thought and evaluation. The human mind tends to idealize the other person, think about them constantly, and attach special meaning to them. In this respect, love creates selective attention and a strong mental bond.
The emotional dimension of love can vary from person to person. In general, love is characterized by intense happiness, excitement, passion, longing, and sometimes anxiety. The ability to regulate emotions is a critical factor here. If a person does not know how to manage their emotions in the face of the intense excitement and uncertainty that love brings, their anxiety increases. As anxiety increases, the person may exhibit uncontrolled behavior. In other words, feeling love is not a problem in itself, but not being able to manage these emotions increases anxiety, and this anxiety can manifest itself in different ways in the relationship.
Behaviorally, a person in love engages in behaviors such as being close to their loved one, spending time with them, protecting them, and supporting them. Psychology says that these behaviors are fundamental to attachment and the couple’s motivation to maintain the relationship. But what if the two partners have different love languages? If the partners’ love languages are different, these behaviors may be interpreted differently. For example, if one person values expressing love “with words” but the other shows love “with actions,” the first person may not feel loved enough. In this case, a difference in perception arises. This incompatibility can lead to misunderstandings, disappointment, and communication problems in the relationship.
Love is not only an individual phenomenon, but also a social one. Cultural norms, family structure, and social values influence how love is experienced and expressed. For example, in some cultures, love is considered the foundation of marriage, while in others it takes a backseat.
Addiction from a Psychological Perspective
Addiction is a condition in which a person feels an intense and repetitive need for a substance or behavior to the point of losing control. In this process, the person disregards long-term negative consequences for short-term pleasure.
The physiological aspect of addiction works through the brain’s reward system. There is a system in our brain called the “mesolimbic dopamine pathway,” and the addictive substance or behavior stimulates this system. As a result, dopamine release increases. Dopamine is the “pleasure and reward” neurotransmitter, so the person feels very good. Over time, the brain learns this pleasure and demands it again, so the person constantly seeks the same behavior or substance, just like a “learned habit.” When the person is away from the substance or behavior, or in our case, the partner, dopamine levels drop. This leads to physiological and emotional symptoms such as restlessness, anxiety, anger, and feelings of emptiness.
Psychological Similarities Between Love and Addiction
There are far more similarities between love and addiction than we might think, because both share common mechanisms at the levels of the brain, emotions, and behavior.
Obsessive orientation, or obsessive thinking, is one of the most obvious similarities between love and addiction. A person in love constantly thinks about their partner; their mind is always preoccupied with them. An addicted person constantly thinks about the substance or behavior; their mind cannot be separated from it.
The brain’s reward center is constantly triggered. Time spent with the partner increases dopamine secretion, which gives the person pleasure. The substance/behavior also triggers the same system and provides intense pleasure.
The discomfort and feeling of emptiness that arises in the absence of the stimulant, i.e., the substance or partner, is third on our list. When separated from the partner, anxiety, restlessness, longing, and even insomnia may occur. After all, isn’t a person more peaceful and relaxed when they are physically close to their partner? The same applies to addiction. When the substance/behavior is stopped, withdrawal symptoms such as anxiety, restlessness, and palpitations occur. This is one of the commonalities between love and addiction.
Loss of control, intense emotional fluctuations, attachment, and inability to let go are next on our list. From the outside, love and addiction may seem like very different things. If you ask someone, they might say, “Love is a beautiful feeling, addiction is a disease. They are very different things.” Even though they seem like two very different things, love and addiction are things that cause a person to lose themselves at some point, and when they do, they disrupt the balance of their life. And as a result, they have the same symptoms; these symptoms just manifest in different ways. But they are not that different, really.
Moments When Love Turns Into Addiction
The loss of independence in a relationship makes people dependent on each other. In a healthy relationship, partners are dependent on each other but still maintain their individuality. However, when dependency develops, the person abandons their own identity, hobbies, and friends, and their partner becomes the center of their life. At this point, you might say, “It’s not a bad thing for a person’s partner to be the center of their life.” Having one’s partner be the center of one’s life, seeing nothing but one’s dependence on them, continuing one’s life according to one’s partner, and losing one’s individual identity is not putting them at the center in the sense of love, but putting them at the center of one’s life in the sense of dependence. As long as a person cannot maintain their individuality in a relationship, they are at risk of losing their sense of self.
In a healthy relationship, there is trust, and jealousy is manageable. However, in a dependent relationship, the person constantly controls and restricts their partner out of fear of losing them. Manageable jealousy can add excitement to a healthy relationship, but when this jealousy reaches the point of accusing the partner without proof and restricting their freedom, the relationship becomes increasingly dependent.
Every relationship has its ups and downs. In a healthy relationship, these are balanced. However, in a dependent relationship, when the partner shows interest, there is excessive happiness, and when their interest wanes, there is intense unhappiness. In other words, emotions fluctuate between extremes.
Conclusion
Love is a powerful emotion and experience that deeply affects a person’s biological, emotional, and social aspects. Depending on how the person manages their emotions, this experience can turn into either a healthy attachment or a dependency-like vicious cycle. The line between love and addiction is a fine one. While one offers trust, belonging, and growth, the other can lead to loss of control and impaired functioning. Therefore, understanding and experiencing love is not just about surrendering to the intensity of emotions, but also about being able to manage these emotions in a healthy way.