Romantic relationships are a phenomenon that occupies a large place in the lives of individuals and has an impact on many areas, from personal development to happiness. After a certain age and developmental period, people tend to find the right partner with whom they can share their lives. However, “choosing the right person” and “making the relationship sustainable” are often questions that are not easy to answer. In this article, we will look at the key conditions that can lead to healthier and longer-lasting romantic relationships.
The Cornerstones of Romantic Relationships
Research shows that the quality of romantic relationships often starts with the individual. Personality traits, values, and life goals are decisive criteria for choosing a partner. The longevity of the relationship depends mostly on the following factors:
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Shared Interests and Hobbies: Similar tastes increase the quality of time spent together. Contrasting interests may seem attractive at first but can lead to incompatibility in the long run.
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Education Level and Life View: It is easier for individuals with similar levels of education to communicate and plan for a common future.
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Physical and Aesthetic Similarities: Research shows that in some cases, similar physical characteristics increase attraction and support the continuity of the relationship.
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Similar Negative Experiences or Aversions: Shared dislikes (for example, avoiding similar things) can increase compatibility between couples.
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Personal Goals and Life Plan: Individuals with clear future goals are more committed and sustainable in their relationship. Shared goals serve as a compass to guide the relationship.
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Character Alignment: Empathy, sense of responsibility, and supportive behaviors make the relationship stronger in the long run.
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Financial Compatibility: Differences in financial status can create problems in some relationships. Research shows that a high level of economic well-being, especially of the man, can bring balance to the relationship, but not always in the opposite case.
In addition, the criteria that men and women prioritize in choosing a partner may differ. Women generally give more importance to their partner’s future goals and trustworthiness rather than their appearance, whereas men tend to focus more on physical attractiveness.
The Investment Model and Relationship Longevity
The question arises here: What processes are important to make a relationship last longer? Rusbult’s (1980, 1983) Investment Model provides an explanatory framework at this point. According to this model, there are costs, rewards, and investments in every relationship.
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Costs are the sacrifices made to maintain the relationship.
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Rewards refer to relationship satisfaction and happiness.
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Investments refer to resources that can be used outside the relationship but will be lost when the relationship ends.
Individuals tend to stay in a relationship if the rewards outweigh the costs. Conversely, when the costs outweigh the rewards, the likelihood of relationship dissolution increases. In this respect, the Investment Model provides an important theoretical basis for understanding the permanence of romantic relationships. Today, it is one of the most basic models used to explain the persistence of relationships.
Homogamy and Similarity Hypothesis
Another important concept that affects the sustainability of romantic relationships is homogamy. Homogamy refers to the situation where individuals come together by showing similarities in terms of certain characteristics. Education, religious and ethnic origin, age, and socioeconomic level are the most frequently examined dimensions of homogamy.
There is a remarkable study conducted by Schröld and Weinig on this subject. In the study, homogamy of same-sex couples in civil marriages and cohabiting couples were compared. According to the findings, the similarity in marriages is more apparent. While women emphasize economic concerns more in their relationships, non-economic issues seem to be more dominant in men. It was also observed that religion and ethnic similarity played a stronger role, with kinship ties becoming more important in marriages.
The data show that cohabiting couples generally have similar educational backgrounds, whereas religious and age similarities are more prominent among married couples. Another interesting finding is that men in marriages have higher levels of education than men in cohabitation. The researchers tried to reduce selection bias by examining only couples who met within the last two years to avoid misleading results.
These findings support what is known as the “similarity hypothesis”. Similarity and closeness are among the most widely accepted factors in the establishment and maintenance of romantic relationships. Of course, there are many hypotheses in this field; however, many of them may create confusion because they contradict each other. For this reason, similarity and closeness hypotheses, which are the most accepted and have strong foundations in the scientific literature, offer an important explanation for the sustainability of relationships when evaluated together with the concept of homogamy.
Conclusion
In summary, the sustainability of romantic relationships does not depend on a single factor. Shared values, personality traits, life goals, investments, and homogamy constitute the basic building blocks of a healthy relationship. In the process of partner selection, recognizing one’s own needs and goals, taking similarities into account, and being aware of the investments one has made in the relationship increases the likelihood of finding the right person and sustaining the relationship.