“Just think positive and everything will be fine!” And what if it doesn’t?
In the Shadow of Obsession with Happiness
In recent years, self-help books have become permanent members of the bestseller shelves in bookstores, “motivational speakers” are constantly being brought up by algorithms on social media, and psychological advice is presented as a cure-all. All of these are traces of the self-help culture that has become popular today.
At first glance, this content seems hopeful, motivating, and exudes positive energy. But how scientific are these discourses? And more importantly: Do they really work? Research shows that some of the content that individuals embrace with good intentions can be detrimental to psychological well-being, especially when it is based on unscientific and generalized advice (Coyne & Tennen, 2010). In this article, we explore the background, potential harms, and alternatives to popular self-help discourses.
Toxic Positivity: Dealing with Avoiding Emotions, Not Dealing with Emotions
Statements such as “Don’t feel bad!”, “Think positive, be positive!”, “Don’t lower your energy!” are among the most common messages that individuals with emotional difficulties encounter, especially on social media. These statements go beyond suggesting positive thinking and encourage the suppression of negative emotions.
This is defined as toxic positivity in the literature. In other words, this culture, which forces people to remain positive under all circumstances, causes them to deny their real emotional experiences (Quintero & Long, 2019). However, psychological well-being requires facing negative emotions, recognizing them, and transforming them over time not suppressing them. Numerous studies have shown that repressed emotions can lead to anxiety, depression, and even psychosomatic symptoms in the long run (Gross & John, 2003). In short, the compulsion to feel “good” all the time actually causes us to deny ourselves emotionally.
Manifesting and Detachment from Reality
The “manifesting” trend is characterized by positive thinking as a magical tool. In particular, it is spreading rapidly on platforms such as TikTok and Instagram. Sentences like “Just think positive and everything will be fine!” may at first glance seem like a source of motivation, but this can lead to the inevitable illusion of control (Langer, 1975).
Manifesting culture can cause the individual to put all the blame on themselves, especially when what is imagined does not materialize: “I didn’t want it enough,” “I thought negatively, so it didn’t happen.” Such thought patterns can undermine self-compassion in situations of failure, while at the same time weakening realistic problem-solving skills (Neff, 2003). Of course, hope is valuable. However, when hope is disconnected from reality, it can cause a person to feel emotionally isolated. Especially for individuals experiencing socioeconomic difficulties, such discourses ignore the structural dimensions of their circumstances. So things can only change through collective effort and justice, not through “positive thinking.”
The Fatigue of Constantly Pursuing the “Best Version”
The message “Be the best version of yourself” is a kind of self-improvement resource that we all hear and keep in mind. Although this discourse may seem to motivate individuals to realize their potential, this idea of the “best version” with unclear boundaries may lead to burnout, self-inefficiency, and self-anxiety, especially in individuals who are prone to perfectionism (Shafran et al., 2002).
Forcing oneself to constantly transform oneself can lead to a kind of self-fatigue instead of promoting personal growth. True psychological well-being begins not with constantly getting better, but sometimes with simply accepting oneself as one is.
Pop Psychology: Distorting Science While Simplifying It
Most self-help books simplify psychological concepts to make them accessible. However, this simplification can lead to a misunderstanding of the scientific knowledge that is available at many points in our lives. For example, suggestions such as “Let go of your trauma and be free!” ignore the complex nature of trauma and create a kind of competition with oneself.
Psychotherapy requires an understanding of the individual’s past experiences, defense mechanisms, and emotional regulation skills. Fudging these complex processes with three-point solutions may create a sense of secondary guilt in the individual, such as “Why can’t I heal?” In this context, transparency and ethical responsibility are critical in bringing psychological science to the public. A careful balance must be maintained between scientific reality and popularity.
Self-Healing or Joining the Race?
Self-help culture can be a powerful tool for promoting self-awareness and spiritual growth. But when it is presented in a way that contradicts science, promotes emotional denial, or generalizes, it contributes to vulnerability, not resilience.
True healing is not a fast and shiny path. Living without suppressing emotions, having self-compassion when we fail, and sometimes just accepting that we are “good enough” is far more valuable for spiritual balance. Perhaps what we need most is not to be “perfect” but to accept ourselves as human beings with our contradictions.
References
- Coyne, J. C., & Tennen, H. (2010). Positive psychology in cancer care: Bad science, exaggerated claims, and unproven medicine. Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 39(1), 16–26.
- Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348–362.
- Langer, E. J. (1975). The illusion of control. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 32(2), 311–328.
- Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223–250.
- Quintero, M., & Long, M. (2019). Toxic positivity: The dark side of positive vibes. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://thepsychologygroup.com/toxic-positivity/
- Shafran, R., Cooper, Z., & Fairburn, C. G. (2002). Clinical perfectionism: A cognitive-behavioral analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 40(7), 773–791.