Have you ever suddenly asked yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” At times, a person may realize that they are experiencing an emotion but struggle to define it. It becomes difficult to distinguish whether one feels happy, uneasy, or simply tired. For most people, such moments are temporary—side effects of a stressful period or an exhausting day. However, for some individuals, this sense of uncertainty does not pass. Emotions are felt but not named; something stirs within, yet it cannot be put into words. At this point, an important question arises: why do some people find it so difficult to express what they are feeling? The answer to this question lies in the concept of alexithymia.
The concept of alexithymia was first defined by Sifneos as a “lack of words for emotions” (Dereboy, 1990). This definition succinctly captures the essence of the concept. Alexithymia refers to difficulties in recognizing, identifying, distinguishing, and verbally expressing emotions. The crucial point here is that emotions are not absent. Individuals with alexithymic traits do experience emotions; however, these emotions fail to become mentally clear and cannot be translated into language. As a result, they may sometimes be perceived from the outside as emotionally distant or unresponsive.
Research has shown that this perception is misleading. Individuals with alexithymic characteristics are capable of thinking, using language, and engaging in behavior; yet they often struggle to establish a meaningful connection between their emotions and thoughts. When emotions do not adequately accompany cognitive processes, inner experiences become complex and difficult to understand. This situation has been reported to cause various problems both in individuals’ inner worlds and in their social relationships (Atasoy, 2002). In other words, the difficulty lies not in feeling emotions, but in making sense of what is felt.
Everyday Manifestations Of Alexithymia
How, then, does this condition manifest in everyday life? Recognizing alexithymia is not always easy. Difficulty in distinguishing or expressing emotions is something everyone may experience from time to time. Therefore, to speak of alexithymia, these difficulties must be persistent, recur across different areas of life, and significantly impair one’s understanding of oneself or one’s relationships.
In such cases, individuals may struggle to find appropriate words when trying to describe their emotions. It has been noted that people with alexithymic traits often use general and superficial expressions such as “comfortable” or “uncomfortable” when describing how they feel. When asked directly about their emotions, they may appear confused and tend to report physical complaints more frequently than emotional experiences (Erden, 2005).
At this point, it would not be incorrect to say that emotions speak through the body. For some individuals, emotions emerge not through words, but through bodily sensations such as stomach tension, chest pressure, headaches, or a general sense of unease. Instead of saying “I felt hurt” or “I was angry,” saying “my stomach tightened” may feel more familiar. In environments where emotions are discussed, these individuals may struggle to express themselves, feel withdrawn, or perceive themselves as inadequate. This is often misinterpreted by others, leading to labels such as “cold,” “distant,” or “indifferent.” However, what is actually at issue is a limitation in emotional expression skills.
Psychological And Developmental Origins
When examining the causes of alexithymia, it becomes clear that no single explanation is sufficient. In most cases, multiple factors come together to create this condition. Individuals raised in family environments where emotions are not discussed, expressed, or are ignored—especially during childhood—may not have the opportunity to learn how to recognize their emotions.
Traumatic experiences also play a significant role in this process. In an effort to protect itself, the mind may suppress emotional responses, and over time this suppression can turn into a persistent pattern.
In this context, alexithymia has been described as the “aphasia of emotions.” This perspective suggests that functional disruptions in the connection between the limbic system and the neocortex underlie the condition. Such disruptions hinder the integration of emotion and cognition, causing language to become emotionally impoverished and overly focused on concrete details (Sifneos, 1996).
Moreover, psychological conditions such as depression or somatization may co-occur with alexithymia, further complicating the process. Family environment is also crucial in this regard. It has been reported that children raised in families where emotions and thoughts are expressed through bodily symptoms rather than verbal communication are more likely to develop alexithymic traits (Stoudemire, 1991). When all these factors are considered together, alexithymia should be viewed not as a flaw, but as an emotional difference shaped by an individual’s life history.
Developing Emotional Awareness
In conclusion, alexithymia does not involve a complete absence of emotions, but rather a limitation in the relationship one has with emotions. Therefore, change begins not by trying to understand emotions all at once, but by establishing a slow and safe connection with them.
In daily life, attempting to label emotions with simple words, asking oneself “What did this make me feel?” after events, and keeping brief notes can serve as initial steps toward increasing emotional awareness. Paying attention to bodily sensations also provides important clues, as the body often carries emotions that have not yet been verbalized.
Supporting these steps, mindfulness—also known as conscious awareness—is based on intentionally and nonjudgmentally directing attention to the present moment. Mindfulness enables individuals to observe thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations as they are, without attempting to change them, and to approach the question “What is happening within me right now?” with open awareness rather than becoming stuck in the past or lost in future scenarios. In this way, emotions are noticed without force, and the ability to name them gradually strengthens.
Alongside these individual efforts, psychotherapy contributes to making these skills more enduring by allowing individuals to explore their emotional worlds within the safety of a therapeutic relationship. Small but consistent steps can gradually clarify the blurred map of emotions. Alexithymia is not a defect, but a developable area of skill; emotional awareness is a learnable process. Sometimes, the very first step in this process is simply pausing and allowing space to feel.
References / Kaynakça
Atasoy, A. S. (2002). Göz hareketleri ile duyarsızlaştırma ve yeniden işlemenin (EMDR) üniversite öğrencilerinin aleksitimik özellikleri üzerine etkisi (Yayımlanmamış doktora tezi). Ankara Üniversitesi, Eğitim Bilimleri Enstitüsü.
Dereboy, İ. F. (1990). Aleksitimi: Bir gözden geçirme. Türk Psikiyatri Dergisi, 1.
Erden, D. (2005). Farklı yetişme koşullarının aleksitimi, depresyon ve psikiyatrik belirtilerle ilişkisi. Klinik Psikiyatri Dergisi, 8(2), 60–66.
Sifneos, P. E. (1996). Alexithymia: Past and present. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 153(7), 137.
Stoudemire, A. (1991). Somatothymia: Parts I and II. Psychosomatics, 32(4), 365–381.