What lies behind that polite, professional, and compliant mask we wear when stepping into society? Why do we sometimes find ourselves doing something we swore we never would? Or why do certain traits in some people bother us to no end? The answer lies in our shadow, hiding in the darkest and dustiest corner of our soul.
According to the famous psychiatrist Carl Jung, every individual carries a “Shadow.” This shadow is a subconscious reservoir where all feelings, desires, and impulses—rejected in childhood as shameful or wrong and disapproved of by society—are collected. Even if we ignore them, they are there, and as long as we remain unaware, they continue to direct our lives from behind the scenes.
The Stranger In The Mirror: Projection
The most concrete manifestation of our relationship with our shadow self is the mechanism of projection. That specific trait in someone else that disturbs you excessively, that you simply cannot tolerate, may actually be a reflection of a part of yourself that you have suppressed and refused to accept.
For instance, a person who overreacts to others’ selfishness may have completely suppressed their own need for healthy selfishness and forbidden this feeling to themselves. Until we recognize it, the Shadow uses the external world like a mirror to remind us of its existence.
The Return Of The Repressed: Outbursts And Sabotage
It is a mistake to view the shadow only as a bad place. The shadow is also the center of creativity, passion, and vital energy. However, constantly suppressing it is like forcibly holding down the lid of a pressure cooker. Anger outbursts that come at unexpected moments, panic attacks, or those moments when we sabotage our own success are actually the shadow’s screams saying, “I am here, and you need to see me!”
When the Shadow integration process is avoided, what is repressed does not disappear—it resurfaces in disguised forms.
The Silent Partner In The Therapy Room
I observe that my clients bring not only themselves to the session but also their shadows, which they have rejected for years. Often, a person comes to therapy asking, “Why do I always attract the same type of people?” or “Why am I in a state of meaningless unhappiness?” Yet, the real issue is not the people outside, but that unwanted guest inside.
In clinical practice, the shadow usually appears as resistance. The client clings so tightly to that idealized image of a “good person” regarding themselves that instead of accepting the anger or jealousy within, they imprison it in their body. This manifests as psychosomatic pains, sleep disorders, or chronic fatigue.
Working with the shadow in the therapy process is somewhat like groping your way through the dark. As the client gets to know their shadow—that is, when they can say, “Yes, I can be selfish sometimes too,” or “I also have great ambition inside me”—that immense tension begins to dissolve. This is not a surrender, but an integration. When we accept our shadow, it ceases to be a hidden hand controlling us and transforms into a source of energy that nourishes our personality.
It should not be forgotten that a person who loves only their bright sides is actually rejecting half of themselves. Mental health is not about being perfect, but about being whole.
In Pursuit Of Wholeness, Not Perfection
Facing our shadow may seem like descending into a dark well; however, at the bottom of that well lies not only our fears but also our untapped potential. As Jung insistently emphasized: perfection does not make a person lovable, wholeness does.
As long as we do not make peace with the parts we hide from ourselves, we live life as if trying to breathe with half a lung. Masks are heavy, and carrying them tires the soul. Perhaps true freedom is that silent moment when we put that heavy mask down and show the courage to say, “This is who I am,” with all the cracks, mistakes, and dark sides. Wherever there is light, shadow is inevitable, and a human becomes truly complete only when they embrace their shadow.