Love, with its intensity and variability, is a feeling that leaves deep marks on all of our lives. Yet defining such a multifaceted and person-specific emotion is no easy task. For centuries, writers, psychologists, sociologists, philosophers, and scientists have failed to agree on a single definition of love. That is because love is more than just a feeling—it is a complex, evolving experience that profoundly affects our lives. Intertwined with human nature and inseparable from it, love becomes even harder to fully grasp. Like an endless ocean, its boundaries are unclear.
To approach an understanding of it, today we will turn to the theories of psychologist Robert Sternberg. In his “Triangular Theory of Love,” Sternberg argues that love arises from various combinations of three basic components, resulting in eight different forms of love. Without understanding these three elements—intimacy, passion, and commitment—it is impossible to fully comprehend love.
Intimacy
Intimacy refers to open and judgment-free communication between two people. It creates a safe space where individuals can express themselves freely, with understanding and sincerity. There is often a degree of commitment felt in intimacy, but the bond is relatively weaker. Honest communication and mutual loyalty form its foundation. Loyalty should not be reduced merely to physical fidelity; emotional continuity and sincerity are equally vital aspects of it.
Passion
Passion is often difficult to put into words but deeply intense to feel. Emerging from the subconscious, it manifests in both physical and emotional reactions, representing the strongest form of physical and mental attraction toward another. Sexuality, chemistry, excitement, and desire feed passion. As Freud noted, sexuality is one of the most fundamental expressions of love, and what makes passion so powerful is its ability to give us courage.
Commitment
Commitment develops over time and is more complex than the other two components. It is built on continuity, responsibility, and mutual sacrifice. Commitment requires effort, long-term thinking, and the creation of emotional depth within a relationship. The sense of trust and the desire for mutual growth are what make it meaningful.
The Eight Forms of Love
Sternberg states that different proportions of these three elements lead to eight distinct forms of love. This diversity also explains why relationship experiences vary so greatly.
1) Non-Love
This describes relationships where none of the three elements (intimacy, passion, commitment) are present. These are casual, surface-level connections. Acquaintances, colleagues, or certain social ties often fall into this category, where there is no romantic or emotional depth.
2) Liking
Here, intimacy is the only component present. One feels warmth and genuine affection toward another, enjoying conversations and sharing experiences. However, there is no passion or long-term commitment involved yet. It often marks the first step toward a romantic bond.
3) Infatuated Love (Passionate Love)
This form is fueled solely by passion. It is intense, desire-driven, and often irrational, marked by strong physical attraction. But without intimacy or commitment to sustain it, such love tends to burn out quickly. It can be fiery but short-lived.
4) Empty Love
This type consists only of commitment. Intimacy and passion may have faded away or were absent from the start. It is often seen in “habitual relationships” or “marriages of convenience.” The relationship continues because the partners choose to remain committed, but there is a lack of vitality or emotional depth.
5) Romantic Love
A blend of intimacy and passion, this form embodies affection, closeness, and physical attraction. Partners admire both each other’s souls and bodies. Yet without commitment, such love may eventually drift apart despite its intensity. It is beautiful but fragile.
6) Companionate Love
This love combines intimacy and commitment, resembling a deep friendship more than a romantic relationship. It appears in bonds where passion has faded or never existed. Trust, loyalty, and sincerity are present, but physical attraction and excitement are missing. Many long-term relationships evolve into this form over time.
7) Fatuous Love
In this type, passion and commitment are strong, but intimacy is absent. Partners are physically drawn to each other and determined to maintain the relationship, but the emotional connection remains shallow. The foundation is unstable, and once passion fades, the bond may falter. Relationships that begin rapidly without emotional depth often fit this category.
8) Consummate Love (Perfect Love)
This is the ideal form of love, where intimacy, passion, and commitment coexist fully. It is both friendship and attraction, as well as a long-term partnership. Consummate love takes time and effort to build, and sustaining it is not easy—but when maintained, it becomes a true source of peace and happiness in life.
The Uniqueness of Love
Love is deeply personal, shaped by how we perceive the world. Our past and present experiences continuously influence the type of love we may live in the future. Beginning a relationship means encountering another person with all their baggage, beliefs, taboos, mindsets, and unique traits, and then shaping the bond with all these factors in play.
Every relationship thus forms a unique pattern, as unique as each human being. No matter how much we try to categorize love into definitions, each experience is so special and singular that some aspects will always elude us. Regardless of its form, love—like life itself—is filled with ups and downs.