The preschool period (children aged 3–6) is a crucial stage for emotional development. Throughout these years, children begin to label feelings, manage frustration, and navigate early peer relationships. These foundational skills—collectively referred to as emotional intelligence (EI)—predict later mental health, academic adjustment, and social competence. Parents, as primary attachment figures, play a central role in shaping these abilities.
In my clinical practice, I often remind parents that every moment of emotional connection, whether soothing a tantrum or celebrating a small success, is an opportunity to teach lifelong emotional skills.
What Emotional Intelligence Looks Like at Ages 3–6
Preschoolers’ emotional intelligence typically includes:
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Recognizing emotions: noticing when they or others are happy, sad, angry, or scared.
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Expressing feelings appropriately: using words or gestures rather than only crying or hitting.
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Regulating emotions: beginning to calm down after frustration or disappointment.
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Using emotions socially: showing empathy, helping friends, and repairing after conflict.
These milestones are supported by cognitive leaps that occur during this age, particularly the development of theory of mind and improved language (Xia et al., 2023). However, the most effective guidance is still parental approaches and responses.
Parental Emotional Modeling
Children learn emotional skills largely by watching their parents. Studies show that parents who handle their own emotions calmly and express feelings constructively raise children with stronger self-regulation and empathy (Xia et al., 2023; Wang et al., 2024). Conversely, frequent parental anger or emotional suppression predicts emotional lability in young children.
I notice that when caregivers pause to breathe before addressing a child’s anger, they teach far more than words alone could. Modeling calm shows a child what regulation actually looks like.
Emotion Socialization Styles
Psychological research identifies four common parental approaches to children’s feelings:
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Emotion coaching — validating and guiding feelings (“You’re sad because your toy broke; let’s fix it together”).
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Dismissing — minimizing or ignoring emotions (“You’re fine, don’t cry”).
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Punitive — scolding children for strong feelings (“Stop crying or I’ll get angry”).
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Overprotective — rescuing immediately, preventing the child from learning self-soothing.
Emotion coaching consistently predicts higher emotional competence in preschoolers (Silkenbeumer et al., 2024). Dismissing and punitive styles, by contrast, correlate with alexithymia and later social difficulties.
I often tell parents: you don’t have to “fix” the feeling—just name it, stay calm, and help your child tolerate it safely.
Reflective Functioning: Seeing the Child’s Inner World
An essential parental skill is reflective functioning—the ability to imagine and interpret the child’s mental states. Research shows that parents with higher reflective functioning are more attuned and supportive, leading to better child EI (Frontiers Authors, 2025). Parenting stress can undermine this ability; overwhelmed parents may default to dismissing or harsh responses.
In therapy, I sometimes use video feedback: we watch a short clip of a parent–child interaction and pause to wonder, “What might your child be feeling here?” This shift often transforms daily conflicts into moments of understanding.
Building Emotional Skills Through Everyday Routines
Simple, consistent strategies matter more than elaborate lessons:
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Label emotions: “You’re frustrated that the block tower fell.”
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Normalize feelings: “It’s okay to feel disappointed; everyone does sometimes.”
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Model coping: show breathing, problem-solving, or asking for help.
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Use play: role-play emotions with dolls or drawings.
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Embed emotion talk into routines: during bedtime stories or after preschool.
Programs that combine preschool classroom activities with parent training (e.g., emotion coaching workshops) show the strongest gains in children’s emotional intelligence and reduce later behavioral problems (Lafay et al., 2023).
Practical Guidance for Psychologists and Caregivers
For mental health professionals supporting families:
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Assess parental style: brief observation or self-report can reveal whether parents dismiss, overreact, or coach emotions.
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Teach small scripts: “Name the feeling + offer comfort + suggest one coping step.”
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Support stress management: help parents regulate their own emotions so they can respond thoughtfully.
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Normalize exploration: explain that tantrums are not failures but practice for self-regulation.
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Collaborate with schools: encourage consistent emotional language between teachers and parents.
I often reassure parents that perfection is not the goal—being “good enough” and coming back to repair after tough moments matters most.
Future Directions in Research and Practice
Emerging studies suggest integrating digital supports (apps, video coaching) to make emotion training accessible to busy families. More research is also needed to understand cultural differences in parental approaches and to adapt interventions accordingly. Longitudinal work will clarify how early EI skills translate into later resilience and mental health.
Conclusion
Ages 3–6 form the emotional blueprint for life. Children learn to name, regulate, and use emotions within the parent–child relationship. Psychologists can empower caregivers to model calm, validate feelings, and coach regulation—simple yet transformative practices that strengthen a child’s emotional intelligence and psychological well-being.
When parents realize that their everyday reactions teach resilience, they often feel hopeful: even small shifts—like pausing to name an emotion—can change a child’s lifelong relationship with feelings.
References
Frontiers Authors. (2025). The chain mediating role of parental reflective functioning and parenting stress on preschoolers’ social–emotional competence. Frontiers in Psychology, 16, Article 1679084.
Lafay, A., et al. (2023). Impact of innovative emotion training in preschool and early childhood settings. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 10670040.
Silkenbeumer, J., et al. (2024). Emotion socialization in early childhood education and care: Principles and outcomes. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 62, 101–114.
Wang, S. M., et al. (2024). Association of parenting behaviors and preschool children’s emotional and behavioral outcomes. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 21, 10921310.
Xia, R., et al. (2023). Parental emotionality and preschool children’s emotion regulation: A developmental perspective. Developmental Psychology, 59(7), 1124–1139.