Autumn has arrived. For some, it means the end of the summer holidays; for others, the beginning of new goals. And for some, it simply means cooler weather and leaves changing colour. Autumn makes each of us feel something different.
For me, though, this year it carries a different meaning than usual: migration season. Just like migrating birds, thousands of students are setting off for new cities and new schools this year. Some are leaving their families for the first time, while others are opening an entirely new chapter in their lives.
This year, I am one of those migrating too. The suitcases are packed, and the goodbyes have begun. Excitement, uncertainty, a little sadness, but just as much hope… They are all intertwined.
Like every change, this one comes with complicated emotions. Because adjusting to a new place and beginning a new life is not simply about physically moving somewhere else. It also means emotionally finding your place all over again.
Every transformation in life asks us to find a new balance. This is one of those moments. Perhaps it will not be easy. Perhaps there will be times when I struggle. But I know that this, too, is part of growing.
Just like the leaves that fall in autumn, perhaps now is the time to leave certain things behind and make room for something new. If you are also one of those setting off during this migration season, know that you are not alone. We are all flying in different directions, but with the same courage. To new beginnings and new discoveries…
The Turning Point: First the Pain, Then the Joy
This September, I am moving abroad and will spend a year studying there. It will be the first time in my life that I have moved abroad for my education. I have never lived away from home before.
It sounds exciting, doesn’t it? It really is… But there are far more emotions and thoughts hidden behind that sentence than you might imagine.
First of all: joy, happiness, and pride. Because getting to this point was not easy. Around this time last year, there was one thought constantly eating away at me: the possibility that I would not get accepted anywhere.
Being rejected by every university… I was incredibly afraid of disappointing my family, of letting down the trust they had placed in me, and of wasting all the emotional and financial support they had given me.
It is difficult to describe the feeling that came over me with every rejection email. I felt completely crushed. I did not want to look anyone in the eye. I couldn’t. I wanted to bury my head somewhere and disappear, and I felt like a failure.
Every time someone asked, “How are the applications going?” I would freeze. It was as though my body turned to ice while, at the same time, an uncontrollable trembling took over. I wanted the subject to change immediately. More than anything, I wished no one would ask me that question at all.
I even started warning the people close to me not to ask, because the only answer I had was, “Fine.” I couldn’t give them an answer because I didn’t know either. I wasn’t the one deciding the outcome. I was constantly living with uncertainty, always on edge. I tried to forget about it as much as possible, and I hated being reminded of it.
Every time I was reminded, the same thoughts ran through my mind: “It’s not going to happen. You won’t make it. You’re going to be a disappointment.” But that wasn’t what happened. Even if they came later than I had hoped, my acceptance letters arrived. And when they did… Those moments felt incredibly precious. Each one was a turning point.
“I did this. I made it.” That thought released all the tension I had been carrying inside me. And that is why, now, I feel happy, proud, and a little more at peace. But with those acceptances came another reality I had to face: This time, leaving was going to be the difficult part.
The Fear of Letting Go and a New Journey
I struggled with many worries throughout this process, but the biggest—and perhaps the most difficult—appeared at the very end.
“How am I supposed to leave this place, my friends, and my family behind?”
I will have to build a life from scratch again, especially after creating a life here that feels almost exactly the way I want it to, apart from professional and financial independence. After all, professionally, I chose this year for a reason.
But the truth is, what worries me most is my social life. I never expected it to become this fulfilling. I never thought I would be able to build the social support network I have now. But I did. And I don’t want to leave it behind.
Part of me feels as though everything will fall apart once I leave. As though I am going to lose it all. But I also know that wherever I am, and wherever my friends are, the connection between us can continue. Still, how will I get used to not being able to take them with me? To not seeing their faces for such a long time? And, most importantly, to being physically so far away from my family when I need them?
I honestly don’t know. We have never been physically apart for this long. We have always lived in the same city. Even when we were on opposite sides of it, I could go to them whenever I wanted, or they could come to me. I will no longer have that luxury.
But perhaps growing up also means bleeding a little along the way. The thought of rebuilding everything and starting again from scratch scares me. Not knowing where to begin, having to build not only a social life but also a student life, and doing all of this in a foreign country only adds to that fear. All of it makes me want to hold even more tightly onto what I already have.
Maybe it sounds a little selfish or spoiled, but I am afraid of being alone. I am afraid of starting alone. As I set out on my own path, I know that this feeling of loneliness—and learning how to overcome it—will be one of the things I struggle with most. But perhaps this fear will also be my greatest challenge. And I believe I will come out of it stronger.
Starting From Scratch: A Dance Between Curiosity and Courage
On the other hand, there is another powerful feeling that has been growing inside me for some time—something I genuinely want to experience: To build myself freely in a place where nobody knows me, somewhere I can open a new chapter independent of my past and create my own rules.
Just imagine it. There, nobody knows me. There are no expectations, no prejudices, no moulds I am expected to fit into. I will have to do everything through my own strength and my own choices. While dealing with the challenges of university, I will also be trying to find my way in a place that is completely unfamiliar to me. And I am filled with curiosity and a desire to explore.
The idea of opening the door to new experiences, meeting new people, and discovering different cultures is exciting. Social life, culture, history… They are all waiting for me in this new world. There will be something to discover, learn, and experience around every corner. This uncertainty is both frightening and fascinating.
The uneasiness of stepping into a life I do not know and am not accustomed to exists alongside my desire to discover something new. But perhaps most importantly, there is the sense of freedom that comes with standing on my own two feet and shaping my own life.
I know this journey will not be easy. But I also know that, even during the hardest moments, my curiosity and desire for freedom will guide me. And somewhere among all these new experiences, I will rediscover myself. That is perhaps the most exciting and hopeful part of this new journey.
Final Thoughts Despite all the uncertainty and the challenges ahead, I am excited to begin this new journey. I want to create my own path, stand on my own two feet, and perhaps rediscover who I am along the way. My suitcase is packed. The paperwork is done. My plane ticket is in my hand. All that remains are the goodbyes.
It isn’t easy. But this, too, is part of life. And now, I am ready. I don’t know what it will be like, but I want to find out. So, let migration season begin. May it bring good fortune to all the birds already flying, preparing to fly, or simply dreaming of taking flight. May their hopes and wishes travel for miles on the winds that carry them. May news from those they love always reach them quickly. And may every landing mark the beginning of something new. May the skies remain open for everyone, and may the journey always lead forward.