What is love? It is probably a question we hear everywhere, yet finding its answer is just as difficult. Of course, those who experience love sometimes answer it with expressions such as “being happy with them,” “having common traits,” or “matching the appearance I desire.” However, these are not definitions of love, but rather states of love. Love can be defined in many fields such as biological, psychological, physiological, evolutionary, and genetic. However, none of them provide a common definition. It is a highly individual process; although the dynamics are similar, the experiences it affects are different. In this article, while addressing love, we will try to understand the reasons why the emotional state of love reaches a pathological or obsessive dimension through the concept of addiction.
The Experience Of Love As A Milestone
Now let’s continue and return to love again. Remember your experience of love: that state in which you thought you could not breathe without them, where you divided your life into “before them” and “after them” as if it were a milestone, the feeling of your heart beating as if it would jump out of your ears when you saw them… When you were separated, the feeling that everything that gave meaning to you inside lost its meaning, that with their departure a part of you also left, and that you were left with an empty body… Yes, these are also states of love.
Parallels Between Love and Addiction
Now let’s look at the definition of addiction. Addiction, in the DSM-5 published by the American Psychiatric Association, is defined as the loss of control over a substance or behavior, continuation despite negative consequences, and the presence of intense craving and withdrawal symptoms. How parallel, isn’t it?
During the experience of love, a very high amount of dopamine is released in the brain. The brain is almost stunned in the face of such an intense and rapid pleasure. Because the brain actually uses this reward system for things important for survival. But love almost hacks this system. Now it is not food, reproduction, or security, but a person who becomes the brain’s source of dopamine. But you will say the source is different. How and why would the brain think at all about the dopamine source? It only cares about the level of dopamine. As dopamine increases, the brain wants to repeat that experience. The reward system becomes sensitized, attention becomes locked onto that person, and other things start to lose importance. At the same time, the effect of the prefrontal cortex (the area responsible for decision making and logical reasoning) relatively decreases, which is why the awareness of “I cannot think rationally” emerges.
The Neurobiological Attachment and Withdrawal
Why do we become addicted-like? Because the brain starts to take this high dopamine level as a “reference point.” Now, if that person is absent or that feeling does not come, normal life feels flat and meaningless. This creates a picture similar to withdrawal in addiction. The person becomes restless, constantly thinks, and cannot focus. For example, this is why insomnia may occur because the brain constantly seeks that stimulus and cannot shut itself down. Appetite may change because the reward system is directed toward a single source. The repetition of the same thoughts in the mind (rumination) increases. In other words, the person is not only emotionally but also neurobiologically attached to that experience. For the person in love, everything else in life becomes invisible. They have risen so high that why would they even need to see the ground?
The Transition From Passion To Sustainable Attachment
If they are lucky, the feeling is reciprocated and a relationship is formed. Research suggests that this intense state of love has a limited duration. For example, Helen Fisher’s studies show that the intense phase of romantic love generally lasts 12–18 months. After this period, the brain adapts to this dopamine level and gradually begins to decline. This is a natural process. If you are lucky, this fading is not a loss. It transforms into love, respect, and attachment. At this point, oxytocin comes into play and the relationship becomes more sustainable. This is what is described as “lifelong love.”
The Cycle Of Obsession In Unrequited Love
However, if you are not lucky (?) and the beloved does not reciprocate your experience of love or is not by your side, then love suddenly crashes to the ground. It does not fade gradually; on the contrary, it falls from the peak. This is very striking. Because the brain is still referencing that peak, but the pleasure is no longer there.
Here there is a cycle. The person will either completely detach or try to recreate that feeling through small stimuli. A smile, a piece of news, hearing that they passed by a road, the possibility of a message, or even just imagining them becomes a stimulus. These small stimuli raise dopamine again and bring the person closer to the peak. But if these small stimuli remain at the same level, dopamine cannot be sustained. Therefore, the person wants more, thinks more often, becomes more attached. Now it is no longer about the person, but about the feeling itself. I am talking about love of course. Sorry, was it addiction…
References
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American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). American Psychiatric Publishing.
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Fisher, H. E. (2004). Why we love: The nature and chemistry of romantic love (Neden severiz: Romantik aşkın doğası ve kimyası). Henry Holt and Company.
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Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2005). Romantic love: an fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice. The Journal of Comparative Neurology, 493(1), 58–62. https://doi.org/10.1002/cne.20772
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Volkow, N. D., & Morales, M. (2015). The brain on drugs: from reward to addiction. Cell, 162(4), 712–725. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cell.2015.07.046
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Koob, G. F., & Volkow, N. D. (2016). Neurobiology of addiction: a neurocircuitry analysis. The Lancet Psychiatry, 3(8), 760–773. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2215-0366(16)00104-8