Complex or Love?
When we look into the world of young children, we often observe that boys exhibit protective and affectionate behavior toward their mothers, while girls do the same toward their fathers. This behavior can sometimes escalate to a point where the child seems to “possess” the parent, not wanting anyone else around them.
Although these feelings are usually directed toward parents, they can also appear toward other family members or close figures. So, are these seemingly innocent and natural behaviors purely expressions of childlike love, or do they hint at the early signs of one of psychoanalysis’ most debated concepts: the Oedipus and Electra Complexes?
A Journey: Mythological Background
Sigmund Freud, one of the most prominent figures in psychology, defined the Oedipus Complex as the unconscious desires that boys aged 3–6 develop toward their mothers, while seeing their fathers as rivals for their affection. Following Freud, Carl Gustav Jung described a similar phenomenon in girls, naming it the Electra Complex.
Both complexes take their names from mythological stories. The Oedipus Complex is named after the Greek myth in which King Oedipus, trying to avoid a prophecy, unknowingly kills his father and marries his mother. This tragic tale serves as a powerful metaphor to explain a child’s interest in the opposite-sex parent and rivalry with the same-sex parent.
Similarly, the Electra Complex draws from the myth of Princess Electra, who harbored resentment toward her mother to avenge her father’s death, symbolizing the unconscious bond girls form with their fathers.
Today, these complexes are understood not only in terms of sexual desire but also in relation to a child’s sense of belonging, jealousy, and modeling behavior. This perspective helps recognize that these feelings are a normal part of development and provides parents with important cues for setting boundaries and fostering security. While children assert their emerging sense of authority, they gain feelings of confidence and power.
But how do these behaviors affect parents?
From a Parent’s Perspective
This process, which can serve as a source of new emotional discovery for children, can also trigger various feelings in parents. Guilt, anxiety, and sometimes unintended anger can lead to questions like, “Am I doing something wrong?” or “Is there something wrong with my child?”
Persistent or aggressive behaviors may also evoke frustration and emotional vulnerability in parents. This period requires a delicate balance as it involves setting—or not setting—boundaries and managing the child’s emerging autonomy.
Children may show jealousy through crying or tantrums when seeing the opposite-sex parent with the same-sex parent. However, it is important to understand that these behaviors often occur within normal developmental processes. Parents’ awareness, guidance, and boundary-setting facilitate the healthy resolution of the complex.
Where and How to Intervene
The first step is understanding the child’s feelings of jealousy or possessiveness and their underlying causes, as this is a natural developmental stage. The second step is, when behaviors intensify, to set gentle and understanding boundaries without harming the child.
These limits should reassure the child that their love is secure and that they are safe. Moreover, healthy bonds between parents and consistent, secure parent–child interactions contribute to the smooth progression of this process.
Parental responses during a child’s jealousy crises play a critical role in the process. For example, a three-year-old boy wants to sleep with his mother and expresses anger toward his father. In this case, the mother should acknowledge the child’s feelings while continuously reinforcing that the father is a good person and loves him.
The father should avoid overreacting to the child’s anger, maintaining a balanced and understanding stance. Planning a special playtime together can strengthen the child’s trust in the father.
Parents should manage these behaviors without shaming or mocking the child and communicate that this stage is temporary. Praising the child in other areas and providing affectionate support fosters a secure and healthy relationship for both child and parents.
Fathers, in particular, should avoid perpetuating the “love battle” initiated by the child toward the mother. The same methods apply when girls display jealousy toward their fathers, allowing this natural process to be navigated healthily for both genders.
Conclusion: Little Hearts Growing with Trust
All in all, the Oedipus and Electra Complexes, though often misunderstood or overlooked, represent a crucial developmental stage. During this time, the child experiences a developmental crisis, and parents’ observations and responses form the foundation for the child’s future relationships with parents, peers, and romantic partners.
Establishing trust and managing this stage properly can prevent future relational difficulties; otherwise, challenges such as difficulty separating from parents, relational problems, or even sexual issues may arise.
Parents’ awareness, understanding, and consistent approach allow children to safely explore their emotions while building a strong foundation for the parent–child relationship. In this way, intense emotional experiences in young hearts can become a safe learning and development space for both children and parents.