A person with ADHD is constantly in a state of seeking—like trying to redraw a map in a landscape that changes every day. Research shows that beyond its general traits, ADHD also has a unique structure that varies from person to person. This individual pattern is what makes ADHD highly personal and uniquely experienced by each individual.
We may have come to understand the general characteristics of a diagnosed ADHD and taken confident steps toward self-regulation. Each trait of ADHD we’ve come to accept might have brought us closer to our unique experience of it. It may feel like we’re finding our place—and our way—within the neurodiversity spectrum. We might even be actively managing it, fulfilling our daily responsibilities. This can help us build a personal framework for navigating life. Everything may seem to be going well, and we may feel as if we’re approaching a sense of “normal.” But suddenly, things can shift. The balance we’ve tried to establish among events, tasks, situations, and people may begin to falter. The familiar fog of chaos may remind us of its presence.
The Result-Oriented Mind and Its Consequences
A person with ADHD is often result-oriented, which can lead them to skip steps while completing tasks or responsibilities. When trying to establish cause-and-effect relationships, they may overlook the order of importance or priority.
Forgotten bill due dates, missed medications, overdue assignments, meetings promised but never attended, gifts forgotten to buy—or bought but never given—unopened packages, luggage left unpacked in the car after a trip… they can all pile up. And when they do, the map we’ve carefully drawn to find order can suddenly start to feel like a maze.
The way we experience ADHD is an area that requires careful self-observation. Without understanding how we experience our ADHD, forming a cooperative relationship with ourselves becomes difficult. The tangible consequences of the daily challenges faced by individuals with ADHD in self-regulation are often accepted—reluctantly and unexpectedly—like an uninvited guest waiting at the door, bringing with it chaos and confusion.
Overstimulation and Self-Regulation Challenges
In our process of coping with these challenges, there are moments when we become overly stimulated. There are sharp turns where we must learn to slow down as we navigate our living spaces. As we move through events and interactions, there are times when we must hold on more firmly to our own inner guidance. Those moments exist — and we know they do. Yet, despite all this awareness and understanding, we sometimes fail to act with sufficient attention. Collisions, conflicts, and breakages become inevitable. We panic. We withdraw. The image of what has been broken or lost often appears before our eyes days or even months later. The missing piece in the larger picture makes itself known. And when, as a person with ADHD, we finally recognize that overlooked piece of ourselves, it may already be too late.
The Personal Experience of Living with ADHD
I live with ADHD, and I have realized that the missing piece was sometimes a punctuation mistake, sometimes not fully hearing the words of the person I was speaking with, or unknowingly eating foods I was allergic to. I often found myself in situations whose meaning and significance I understood only much later. Making sense of others’ behaviors within these situations was often difficult, and I struggled with that difficulty.
I often declared — loudly, to myself and to those around me — my diversity and difference, yet I could not prevent the stigmatization that came with it. Through these experiences, I have come to understand that a person with ADHD can be stigmatized in many different ways. Moreover, such stigmatization can be legitimized by others — however, this important matter is the subject of another article.
It is worth briefly stating here that stigma brings me to a need for isolation. In order to regain my focus, I feel the urge to retreat quickly into my own space and camouflage myself. Situations of conflict heighten my anxiety — one of my close companions in ADHD. My forgetfulness, irregular sleep, loss or increase of appetite also emerge. And of course, the misplaced objects come as a bonus.
Isolation as a Self-Protection Mechanism
Perhaps all of this is a state I enter to protect myself against internal and external criticism. As such situations repeat, I realize that I feel a strong need to reflect on my experiences. I want to rediscover myself and build a new version of me from what I have discovered. As a person with ADHD, I hide myself from the outside world as much as I can in my ADHD state.
The need for isolation in a person with ADHD fundamentally arises from the need to catch what has been overlooked, regain focus, and return to the center. To meet this need as quickly as possible, we must approach ourselves with compassion. Before expecting others to recognize our needs, we should first become aware of them ourselves. Rather than waiting for others to see and attend to us, we should give ourselves the opportunity to observe ourselves more closely. As I notice what I have overlooked, my efforts to repair the broken parts of myself and address the challenges I have faced are activated. I become aware of how repeatedly I have been labeled “fickle as the wind” by others. The ensuing feelings of shame then cause my emotions to scatter once again.
Healing Through Self-Understanding
Do you, too, find your life consumed by the effort to hide your symptoms? You are not alone. It is possible to move forward from the effort that follows disappointment — by starting from the attempt to understand yourself more deeply. With these lines, I share this belief with you, my dear reader.
I want you to know that I am wholeheartedly with everyone exploring new paths on the ADHD map.