Introduction
Have you ever had a heated argument with someone shouting, “No, that’s exactly how it happened!” only to realize later that you were both wrong? Or wondered why you keep making those “familiar” mistakes that you know are not good for you? Actually, the foundation of these “memory wars” lies in the fact that our brain, rather than reflecting the world like an objective mirror, reconstructs it by passing it through its own filters. Understanding that our memory is not an impartial camera but an editing desk that loves repeating what it already knows, and discovering how questioning our perceptions calls us to responsibility, opens the doors to real change.
Memory Is An Editing Desk, Not A Video Recording
Most of us think of remembering the past as taking an old video tape off a dusty shelf and watching it. However, the scientific truth is much more surprising: Memory is not an impartial camera that records what happened exactly as it appeared. Every time we recall a memory, our brain reconstructs it based on our current emotions, new information, and even how well it fits with the people around us.
Our mind is a master at selecting the pieces it “wants to believe” and ignoring the others, a phenomenon known as confirmation bias. This is why we remember our past as a story adapted to our inner world rather than an objective reality. In short, our brain focuses more on creating a consistent and coherent story than on recording the absolute truth.
Why Do We Keep Knocking On The Same “Wrong” Door?
Why are we sometimes repeatedly drawn to relationships or situations that we know will cause us pain? The reason for this phenomenon, called repetition compulsion in psychology, is our brain’s tendency to save energy and find the familiar safe. The mind loves to repeat what it knows, even if it is painful. Because the unknown is perceived by the brain as a threat that makes survival difficult, while a familiar pain is at least a territory where “how to cope” is already known.
In this process, our memory and perception work with old maps shaped to protect us. These “old maps” are defense mechanisms learned in childhood or the past that protected us then but have lost their function today. To survive, our brain often prefers to disable rational, analytical thinking and instead make fast, automatic, and biased decisions based on what it has already memorized.
Take The Pen Of Your Own Story Into Your Hands
So, do we have to live with this “biased” brain? It is not possible for our brain to perceive the world in a completely objective way, separate from our experiences. But the good news is that the moment we realize these games of our mind, the rules of the game change. Growth begins when, instead of taking what we remember as absolute truth, we can ask, “Why do I see it this way?” This question saves us from our automatic reactions and moves us into a more conscious and deliberate living space.
We must remember that change is possible not by erasing the past, but by noticing how we interpret it. Our past mistakes or traumas do not have to be our destiny; understanding how we filter them through our biases is the key to rebuilding our future. In this process, awareness calls us to responsibility, not to passivity. Accepting our own cognitive biases turns us from being victims of our minds into the responsible managers of our own lives.