This article aims to psychologically examine the behavior of some men who engage in romantic/emotional communication with more than one woman at the same time, through the lens of attachment styles, the need for self-worth regulation, and the dynamics of avoiding emotional intimacy.
The main question addressed in our article is why some men tend to engage with multiple women simultaneously rather than focusing romantically on a single person. Furthermore, the focus of our article is not so much on “Why do they do it?” but rather on “What psychological needs does this behavior stem from?”
How Is Multiple Romantic Interaction Behavior Defined In Psychology?
Multiple romantic interaction behavior is when an individual maintains flirtatious, emotional, or romantic communication with more than one person at the same time while in the process of forming a romantic bond. This behavior may not always fall into the explicit category of “cheating”; however, when evaluated psychologically, it is associated with attachment uncertainty, divided emotional investment, and intimacy regulation strategies.
In other words, this situation does not simply mean “talking to more than one person”; it means that emotional energy is not directed toward a single bond.
Psychological Characteristics
This behavior is generally linked to three fundamental psychological processes:
1. Attachment Avoidance
The individual consciously or unconsciously avoids making a deep emotional investment in a single person. Communicating with multiple people reduces vulnerability by spreading emotional intensity.
2. Regulating Self-Worth Through External Approval
Receiving attention from multiple people temporarily boosts the individual’s self-worth. This reflects a search for external validation rather than internal confidence.
3. Keeping Options Open Strategy
Rather than viewing romantic attachment as a “definitive choice,” the person tries to manage uncertainty by keeping alternatives open. This may serve as a subconscious precaution against the risk of abandonment.
What Is Self-Worth And Why Is It Important?
Self-worth relates to how valuable, adequate, and deserving of love a person perceives themselves to be. Healthy self-worth is nourished by internal sources; however, in some individuals, this structure is fragile and requires constant external feedback.
This is where romantic interest becomes a powerful psychological reinforcement.
Multiple Romantic Interactions = External Validation Regulation
Establishing romantic communication with more than one woman at the same time can be an unconscious self-worth regulation strategy for some men.
This process works as follows:
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Receiving attention = Feeling “I am wanted”
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Receiving messages = Feeling “I am not forgotten”
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Multiple options = Perception of “I am highly valued”
So, what is often sought here is not the person, but the sense of self that the person creates. This situation is defined in psychology as seeking external validation.
Why Is One Person Not Enough?
If self-worth is fragile, the attention of a single partner does not provide sufficient security.
Because:
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If attention decreases, the feeling of worth also decreases
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If there is distance, the fear of abandonment is triggered
Therefore, multiple romantic interactions subconsciously work like this:
“If attention from one person decreases, I’ll get it from another.”
This functions like an emotional backup power source.
Connection To Attachment
The need for self-worth regulation is most commonly seen in different attachment styles:
Anxious Attachment
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Constant need for approval
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Measuring whether one is loved or not through external reactions
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Multiple communication = constant emotional nourishment
Avoidant Attachment
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Appears confident on the outside
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But because deep bonds are not formed, true emotional security does not develop
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Receiving attention = superficial but quick increase in self-worth
Could This Behavior Be A Strategy For Avoiding Emotional Intimacy?
Yes, in most cases it could be.
Why Is Emotional Intimacy Challenging?
True romantic intimacy means:
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Being vulnerable
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Taking the risk of rejection
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Becoming emotionally dependent on someone
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Losing some control
For some individuals, these experiences feel unsafe and threatening. Especially for those with a history of insecure attachment, intimacy can create anxiety rather than peace.
Is Multiple Romantic Involvement A Defense?
Maintaining romantic communication with more than one woman simultaneously can prevent a single bond from deepening by dispersing emotional intensity.
This works as follows:
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Focus is not placed on a single person
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Emotional investment is divided
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Attention is diverted before the bond strengthens
Ultimately, the person unconsciously provides the following protection:
“If I don’t get too attached to anyone, I won’t get hurt too much.”
From a psychodynamic perspective, this can be interpreted as an avoidant defense mechanism.
Avoidant Attachment And Strong Connection
In individuals with an avoidant attachment style:
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Withdrawal is seen as closeness increases
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Deep emotional conversations are avoided
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As the relationship becomes serious, there may be a tendency to look for alternatives
Can It Also Be Seen In Anxious Attachment?
Yes, but in a different way.
Anxiously attached individuals desire closeness but also fear abandonment. Therefore:
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Becoming overly attached to one person can feel risky
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Keeping alternatives available can serve as an “emotional safety net”
Here, avoidance is not of intimacy itself, but of the destruction that abandonment would cause.
Conclusion
This study examines the psychological foundations of concurrent multiple romantic involvement behavior observed in men within the framework of attachment theory. This behavior is approached not merely as moral weakness or excessive romantic interest, but as a pattern potentially related to insecure attachment styles, the need for external validation, and difficulties in tolerating emotional intimacy.
From an attachment perspective, it is observed that individuals with an anxious attachment style may seek attention and reassurance from multiple partners in order to regulate their fragile self-worth, while individuals with an avoidant attachment style may spread their romantic investments across multiple people to avoid emotional vulnerability.
The study also emphasizes that the concept of infidelity is not limited to physical contact. Simultaneous emotional investment in multiple people, maintaining secret romantic communication, and dividing emotional attachment can also be considered emotional infidelity. From this perspective, even if there is no physical relationship, multiple romantic interactions can lead to psychological consequences that undermine trust in the relationship and weaken emotional attachment.
In conclusion, this study suggests that this behavior is not merely a pleasure-seeking preference but is often related to attachment styles and attachment-based emotional regulation strategies. Understanding these dynamics can help individuals develop healthier emotional regulation skills in relationships, recognize attachment patterns, and build more secure romantic bonds.