Control and manipulation behaviors are frequently observed in interpersonal relationships, yet their roots often lie in unconscious processes that remain unnoticed. The psychodynamic approach suggests that these tendencies are shaped by repressed emotions, feelings of inadequacy, and the shadow self (Jung, 1953; Fromm, 2015).
The Shadow Self And Feelings Of Inadequacy
According to Carl Jung, the shadow self represents aspects of an individual that are socially unacceptable or disowned due to cultural and societal norms (Jung, 1953). These repressed traits can manifest in manipulative behaviors unconsciously. For instance, feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy may translate into tendencies to control or influence others as a way of protecting the ego.
Erich Fromm argues that individuals with an underdeveloped capacity to love often attempt to compensate for their inner deficiencies by directing or influencing others (Fromm, 2015). When these unconscious motivations combine with unmet emotional needs, they create fertile ground for manipulative patterns in relationships.
Feelings of inadequacy can trigger a need to control the partner’s behavior as a means of maintaining self-protection and emotional balance.
Attachment theory further supports this notion. Individuals with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may exhibit controlling behaviors in relationships (Bowlby, 1969). Cultural norms also reinforce these tendencies — societies that reward power and dominance often bring manipulative traits of the shadow self to the surface (Lammers & Galinsky, 2009).
Developing awareness of the shadow self allows individuals to enhance empathy and consciously regulate manipulative impulses. Psychotherapy plays a crucial role in helping people recognize their shadow aspects and establish healthy emotional boundaries, promoting relational and psychological well-being.
Psychodynamic Foundations Of Manipulation
From a psychodynamic perspective, manipulation is understood as a set of behavioral strategies used to resolve unconscious conflicts and satisfy emotional needs (Fromm, 2015; Jung, 1953).
These behaviors are often driven by needs for power, control, and security, serving as a defense against inner feelings of vulnerability or inferiority.
Manipulative behaviors may appear in subtle or overt forms, such as:
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Inducing guilt or shame to guide emotional responses.
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Alternating between attention and withdrawal to test attachment.
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Projecting repressed anger, jealousy, or fear onto others.
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Controlling or regulating a partner’s behavior to maintain predictability.
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Adjusting communication based on relational feedback, both consciously and unconsciously.
More destructive forms include gaslighting, emotional blackmail, isolation, passive-aggressive behaviors, and selective information sharing.
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Emotional blackmail manipulates through guilt, shame, or fear to elicit compliance.
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Isolation limits access to social support, increasing dependency.
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Passive-aggressive behavior subtly directs the partner without open confrontation.
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Withholding or distorting information erodes trust and alters perception.
Although these actions may provide short-term relief or control, they lead to long-term relational damage, such as loss of trust, emotional exhaustion, and chronic tension.
Psychodynamic insight and therapy enable individuals to uncover these unconscious motivations, transform manipulative dynamics, and cultivate authentic communication (Paulhus & Williams, 2002).
Conclusion
Control and manipulation are common in human relationships, but they often originate from repressed emotions, shadow aspects, and feelings of inadequacy.
Healthy relationships depend on self-awareness, empathy, and mutual respect. Recognizing one’s shadow self and emotional vulnerabilities is the first step toward reducing manipulative patterns and building authentic connection.
Such awareness allows individuals to consciously manage their behaviors and nurture relationships grounded in trust, equality, and emotional integrity (Fromm, 2015; Jung, 1953).
References
Fromm, E. (2015). The art of loving. Altın Kitaplar.
Jung, C. G. (1953). Psychological aspects of the persona. Princeton University Press.
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.
Paulhus, D., & Williams, K. (2002). The dark triad of personality: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. Journal of Research in Personality.
Lammers, J., & Galinsky, A. (2009). Power and moral hypocrisy. Current Opinion in Psychology.
Stern, R. (2007). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. Harmony.