Introduction: Existing Only When Useful
For some people, life is a constant state of “being on the go”. There is always something to be done, someone to help, a crisis to resolve, a deficiency to fill. Stillness becomes almost unbearable for these individuals. They only feel they exist when they are active, when they are useful. Yet beneath this visible dynamism often lies a deep fragility — a fear of rejection, worthlessness, and emptiness.
Engin Geçtan defines this situation in his book Dersaadet’te Dans (Dancing in Istanbul) with the concept of chronic functionality. According to him, chronic functionality is when a person distances themselves from their own emotional reality by constantly responding to the needs of others. Geçtan states:
“People who have never experienced acceptance in their lives, when they are truly accepted, do not know what to do with the reality of acceptance, and therefore cannot know that they cannot accept being accepted.”
These lines encapsulate the essence of chronic functionality: the suppression of one’s own lack of acceptance by clinging to the role of “helper”.
The Dynamics Of Chronic Functionality
Chronically functional individuals are typically those who shine in times of crisis, who are “always there” in relationships, and who constantly generate solutions. They are the first people called upon when a loved one is in trouble; when a problem arises, they quickly organise, provide support, and take responsibility.
However, this activity is not a virtue, but often a defence mechanism. Because while “helping,” control remains with them; passivity, waiting, or expressing their own needs are foreign to them.
From the outside, these individuals appear selfless, reliable, and mature. Yet, internally, they constantly battle the feeling of “not being good enough.” That is why, when they help someone, they gain a temporary sense of “existence.” However, this feeling does not last long; just like a drug, once its effect wears off, the need to “help” someone else arises again.
Psychodynamic Origin: Conditional Acceptance And Childhood Traces
From a psychoanalytic perspective, chronic functionality is based on experiences of conditional acceptance in early childhood. In order to receive love and approval from their parents, children adopt the roles of the “good child,” the “helpful child,” or the “successful child.”
These roles become an internalised way of life in adulthood. The person believes they are only valuable by responding to the needs of others. They suppress their own feelings, anger, or vulnerability because “a helpful person does not get angry, tired, or selfish.”
This situation can also be explained by what Freud called reaction formation: the individual develops an identity that is the opposite of the feelings of inadequacy and lovelessness they actually experience — “I am strong and useful”. In this way, they mask their emotional pain with functionality.
Chronic Functionality In Relationships
The most obvious consequences of chronic functionality are seen in romantic and family relationships. These individuals often play the role of “caregiver” in their relationships with their partners or family members. When the other person experiences emotional or physical distress, they quickly step in; they make it their duty to help, repair, and rescue.
However, in this process, they unknowingly undermine emotional equality. This is because an invisible hierarchy develops between the “helper” and the “helped.” One side is constantly giving, the other constantly receiving.
In the long term, this dynamic weakens both relationship satisfaction and emotional closeness. The helper gradually becomes exhausted internally because they do not receive the gratitude or love they desire in return for their efforts. The recipient, meanwhile, feels uncomfortable because they have unknowingly settled into a position of “inadequacy.” Therefore, chronic functionality can be one of the fundamental causes of the dependent–independent conflict in relationships.
External Appearance And Internal Conflict
Chronically functional individuals are often admired by those around them. They frequently hear comments such as, “What a strong, self-sacrificing person!” However, this admiration amplifies their inner loneliness. This is because no one notices their fatigue, their fears, or their own needs.
As Geçtan points out, these people sometimes distance themselves from selfishness to such an extent that they can even give those around them the impression that they are selfish. This is because they constantly define their existence in terms of other people’s lives; stopping, taking a breath, doing nothing for themselves makes them feel guilty.
In some cases, even the passivity or silence of others makes them uncomfortable. This is because they fear being left alone with their own feelings in a motionless environment. Therefore, the act of “helping” actually becomes a noise that drowns out their inner silence.
Recovery: The Courage To Pause
Recovering from chronic functionality is more about learning to listen to oneself than about stopping movement. The first step in this process is the realisation that “I don’t have to fix everything.” As the person sees that the desire to help often stems from their own need for acceptance, they can redefine their role in relationships.
During psychotherapy, chronically functional individuals develop the following three skills in particular:
1. Setting Emotional Boundaries
Realising that saying “yes” to every request for help is not healthy, and learning to protect one’s own emotional limits.
2. Redefining Passivity
Waiting, pausing, or doing nothing is not passivity; sometimes it is compassion.
3. Turning Inward
Learning to direct one’s energy towards one’s own needs rather than constantly towards helping others.
This awareness enables the individual to approach both themselves and their relationships in a more balanced way. Now, “being” takes precedence over “being useful”.
The state Engin Geçtan refers to as “not knowing what to do with the reality of being accepted” begins to resolve at this point: the person first learns to accept themselves, then learns that they can be valuable even without being accepted.
Conclusion: Existing Without Being Useful
Chronic functionality is a strength when viewed from the outside, but an escape when viewed from within. The person constantly tries to cover up their own emotional wounds by solving other people’s problems. However, over time, this effort creates inner exhaustion, relationship imbalance, and deep loneliness.
True healing begins not in movement, but in stillness. Because only when a person realises that they can exist even when they are silent and of no use to anyone else do they become free.
The antidote to chronic functionality is believing that one can be loved even when doing nothing.
Sometimes the greatest help is not helping anyone — simply being there, silently.
Bibliography
Bradshaw, J. (2005). Healing the shame that binds you. Health Communications.
Geçtan, E. (2016). Dersaadet’te Dans. Metis Publishing.
Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment theory in practice: Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with individuals, couples, and families. Guilford Press.
Nichols, M. P., & Schwartz, R. C. (2020). Family therapy: Concepts and methods (11th ed.). Pearson.
Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The maturational processes and the facilitating environment: Studies in the theory of emotional development. International Universities Press.