Although long-distance relationships are often associated with today’s globalized world, they are not a new phenomenon. In the past, factors such as military service and war were more influential, whereas today education and career opportunities have made them more common. Some relationships even begin as long-distance. Either way, the effective use of a relationship’s resources is crucial for sustainability. But especially for couples transitioning from a close-distance relationship to a long-distance one, how is it possible to keep the relationship strong when physical comfort is missing? Based on both my experiences and Arunya Psikoloji’s seminar, I will highlight important points.
Transitioning Into A Long-Distance Relationship
When a relationship shifts from close distance to long distance, the absence of physical closeness is often the most anxiety-provoking factor. Along with this, reduced sharing of daily life, changes in communication habits, and increased uncertainty may also arise. However, this transition can also strengthen the relationship by discovering alternative sources of connection such as frequent video calls, scheduled virtual dates, and exchanging gifts.
Meanwhile, individual agendas evolve. If we imagine partners as two interconnected circles, these circles gradually stretch, allowing more space for personal life events that require adaptation. Adjusting to a new environment, meeting new people, and increased work demands become part of daily life. When feelings such as jealousy, insecurity, and misunderstandings are added, the need for new resources emerges that can complement the comfort of physical contact. So how can these resources be diversified to keep the relationship strong?
Set Clear Routines
Due to time differences and varying daily schedules, real-time communication may not always be possible. This can lead to the feeling that one partner is not making enough effort. In text-based communication, the absence of tone and facial expressions can further increase misunderstandings. In such moments, pausing to consider whether the other person might need support is important.
Establishing clear routines and maintaining direct communication can be helpful. Planning shared time can reduce uncertainty. “Reading time” or “talk-before-sleep time” can provide a sense of continuity and emotional stability.
Create Shared Activities
Engaging in shared activities helps maintain a sense of togetherness. Watching a series, listening to a podcast, or playing online games can be effective. You can shop online together, record short daily vlogs for each other, or play trivia games. Planning online dates is another way to stay connected.
Updating each other about personal and relational changes can also be necessary. Recalling the first moments of meeting or expressing appreciation for each other’s qualities should not be avoided. Small gestures such as surprise good-morning messages, songs, humorous videos, or personalized content can help sustain emotional closeness.
Be Transparent
As partners become less involved in each other’s daily routines, the sense of control over the other’s life may decrease, which can increase feelings of insecurity and jealousy. Transparency can help reduce this anxiety by sharing daily plans, avoiding indirect communication, and keeping each other informed about important developments.
Trust-building, compassionate conversations should be maintained, and emotional sharing should be prioritized rather than limited. Clear statements such as “I wanted to message you today, but I was very busy” or “I need to focus on work right now, but you’re on my mind” can help prevent misunderstandings and strengthen relationship trust.
Increase Your Individual Resources
A relationship does not need to be the sole source of emotional fulfillment. Strengthening individual resources plays a significant role. The time spent together may decrease, and communication that once occurred daily may fluctuate, but this does not necessarily indicate a decrease in love.
Expectations regarding attention and availability may also change. The relationship is flexible, and this period is an opportunity to invest in oneself. The idea of “being independent while staying connected” can be key. Personal growth ultimately becomes a resource that also strengthens the relationship and supports emotional connection.
Support Each Other Emotionally
Physical distance does not mean emotional distance. It can be supported through voice messages, video calls, and small surprises. Expressing how much you miss each other, wishing to be together, and sharing desires for intimacy remain important needs.
Having a physical object that represents the partner can also be comforting, like a toy or a meaningful item. These objects convey the message, “I am with you.” During this time, expressions such as “I miss you” and “I love you” may be needed more frequently than before. Emotional reassurance becomes one of the strongest protective factors in long-distance relationships.
Set Clear Goals
One of the most important aspects of long-distance relationships is managing uncertainty. An unclear future can feel like an endless horizon. If the shared effort in the relationship is imagined as a sail, and the destination remains too distant or undefined, it may lead to emotional exhaustion.
Setting clear and concrete goals can help reduce this uncertainty. Statements such as “We will meet in this city in six months” or “We will travel here together during the holidays” can help disperse ambiguity and provide reassurance for both partners.
Conclusion
Even when a close-distance relationship turns into a long-distance one, fundamental needs remain the same. When communication is open, individual and relational resources are used effectively, partners remain open to learning new ways of connecting, and steps are taken together to reduce uncertainty, it becomes clear that relationships are shaped not only by distance but by the ways partners choose to bond.
Under these conditions, long-distance relationships are indeed possible.
Happy Valentine’s Day.