Today, preparing for an exam year resembles getting ready for an endless marathon for parents. Both parents and students are now expected to prepare for this process long beforehand. Parents may feel that, in addition to their parental roles, they must also take on the roles of coach, therapist, teacher, and critic.
The courses attended, the books purchased, the seminars followed, and the expert advice received often do not seem sufficient; it may feel as if more is always needed. The competition has become much more complex, and everyone can access many resources at the same time. At this point, a particular anxiety begins to emerge among parents: “What if we miss something?”
Parents’ FOMO
The concept known as FOMO, or fear of missing out, refers to the intense worry a person feels about missing the experiences others are having or being deprived of opportunities. This sense of falling behind may push parents to search for more resources and combine several of them at once. Between mock exam clubs, digital learning platforms, and coaching systems, parents may feel the need to closely monitor everything. When the student participates in these courses, parents may feel a sense of relief, believing that opportunities are not being missed.
During this process, parents often exchange ideas with one another and try to become highly involved in the educational process. Over time, they may find themselves evaluating the quality of questions in test books or even analyzing mock exam results. However, these are not among the fundamental responsibilities of parenting.
At this point, the FOMO experienced by parents may sometimes lead to a role confusion. The unconditional love and trust that students need most may begin to fade into the background when the parental role becomes weakened.
Intensive Parenting
Behind this picture often lies what is called intensive parenting. In this approach, parents may closely link their child’s success with their own sense of achievement. When the child is perceived as “unsuccessful,” the parent may begin to feel unsuccessful as well.
This confusion can sometimes lead children to perceive their parents almost like a “guard.” When the parent constantly takes on the role of the one who directs and controls, it can also damage the relationship with the child.
If we think of the exam preparation process as a tightly knotted ball of stress, that stress can sometimes turn into a tension standing between the family and the child. This situation reminds me of the concepts described by Doğan Cüceloğlu as “exam-oriented families” and “child-oriented families.” In exam-oriented families, the process tends to revolve around results and performance, whereas in child-oriented families, the relationship and the child’s development take priority.
When all responsibility during the exam process is taken on by the parent, the child may gradually become the person with the least responsibility in the process. As a result, the ability to manage one’s own learning process may not develop sufficiently for the next stage of education.
The Impact Of FOMO On Students
A student who has not had the opportunity to discover their own study methods may enter high school or university without feeling fully prepared in terms of social and emotional skills. At this point, parental FOMO may unintentionally make it more difficult for the student to develop responsibility and remain focused on the learning process.
At the same time, the student may begin to move away from the role of being a “child.” Students who constantly follow structured schedules, have little time to be bored, and feel compelled to give up their personal interests may gradually experience a decline in creativity and sense of responsibility.
However, when encouraged, students can learn to evaluate their own performance and better analyze their strengths and areas that need improvement. External support can also be beneficial in this process. When students are evaluated only through results, their self-discipline and self-confidence may decrease.
Learning should ideally bring joy to the student. When a student studies not merely to present results to parents or teachers, but to observe their own progress, they develop a much more lasting skill. Taking responsibility for their own learning process becomes an important ability they can carry throughout life.
What Can Be Done?
Be a companion, not a controller
Moving from a position of carrying and managing the entire process to one of accompanying the student can be highly supportive. Instead of using a questioning tone such as “Did you do this?” or “Why didn’t you do it?”, asking questions like “How can I support you during this process?” can help create more constructive communication.
Rather than trying to take on many different roles, being simply a sufficiently supportive parent can often be more reassuring for the student. During the exam process, what students need most is the preservation of unconditional love. When they feel that love is not dependent on exam performance, their sense of security grows stronger.
Expressing that your love will not change at the end of this process is therefore an important message. At the same time, creating moments within the family when exams are not discussed is also very valuable. When the agenda constantly revolves around exams, it can become overwhelming for both parents and students.
Warm moments spent together can make a significant difference. In this way, the child remembers that they are not only a “student,” but also a “child” who is still loved and valued.
Recognize effort
Students put considerable effort into the exam preparation process and spend their time trying to improve. Recognizing and appreciating this effort is very valuable for their motivation. Instead of focusing only on what is lacking, it is important to notice what is developing and going well. Seeing small improvements and celebrating them strengthens the student’s intrinsic motivation.
This approach also brings families closer to the child-oriented family perspective described by Doğan Cüceloğlu. When effort is recognized, the previously mentioned knotted ball of stress moves out from between the parent and the child; the family and the child stand on the same side, while the stress stands on the other. In this way, the family becomes a team, and the exam process turns into an experience faced together.
Set boundaries
It is very important for parents to maintain both their own boundaries and the boundaries they have with their children. The exam process can sometimes become exhausting for both parents and students.
Loosening control slightly and giving the student space can help them discover their own learning process. In this way, the student can develop responsibility and become aware of their own competencies.
Setting boundaries does not mean establishing rigid rules. Nor does it mean leaving the child completely on their own. Rather, it means maintaining balance and protecting the presence of different areas of life. For example, instead of completely eliminating activities such as sports, arts, and hobbies during the exam period, allowing them to continue in a balanced way supports the student’s well-being.
Conclusion
Parents’ FOMO may negatively affect a student’s social and emotional development. For this reason, it is important to remain process-oriented, to accompany rather than control, to recognize effort, and to establish healthy boundaries. For further insight, you may take a look at the episode titled “How can we better support students during the exam year?” from the Okul Zili Podcast, which I also found helpful.
The exam preparation process requires not only learning how to study, but also learning how to rest.
Best wishes to all parents and students preparing for exams.