Many of us grew up believing that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. From early childhood, we are socialized to suppress feelings, believing that emotional expression increases the risk of hurt or rejection. How we respond to our own vulnerability often mirrors the messages we received from caregivers and society: some of us learned to hide, some to perform strength, and some to pick and choose whom to trust. Yet research consistently shows that embracing vulnerability is not harmful, it is an essential part of authentic connection, emotional well-being, and resilience (Brown, 2021).
Childhood Experiences and Attachment
Beginning in infancy, the way caregivers respond to a child’s distress plays a significant role in shaping what the child comes to view as acceptable or unacceptable. When a child’s distress is met with dismissal, punishment, or indifference, the child learns to suppress emotional expression. On the contrary, when distress is met with soothing and comforting responses, the child learns that expressing emotion is safe. These early experiences do not disappear with time. Children who are comforted or dismissed grow into adults who continue to carry the emotional information they absorbed in infancy. A child who has been met with dismissal or punishment may struggle to express emotions and authentic thoughts even with those closest to them. In contrast, a child who was comforted when showing distress is more likely to develop a sense of emotional safety and express needs and emotions more naturally (Ainsworth & Bell, 1970).
Cultural Reinforcement Of Emotional Suppression
The internalized information about expressing emotion is reinforced by societal norms. Many societies equate strength with emotional inhibition, self-control, and the ability to endure distress without complaint or outward expression. Patriarchal systems, in particular, discourage women from expressing anger and assertiveness, while discouraging men from expressing sadness and fear (Brody & Hall, 2008). Living in cultures where emotional expression is scolded or punished fosters emotionally restrictive behaviors, limiting both self-expression and connection.
The Cost Of Avoiding Vulnerability
Many people adopt protective strategies, presenting a socially acceptable version of themselves because it feels safer than being fully seen (Leary & Kowalski, 1990). Vulnerability carries risk: the possibility of being hurt or rejected. However, avoiding openness can limit connection and emotional vitality. Emotional suppression can lead to distance, resentment, and a reduced capacity for meaningful relationships (Gross & John, 2003). As illustrated in Home Alone 2, when Kevin McAllister tells the pigeon lady, “If you aren’t going to use your heart, then what’s the difference if it gets broken?” he captures a psychological truth: emotional protection may reduce immediate pain, but it also limits one’s ability to connect deeply.
Research On Vulnerability and Well-being
Although being vulnerable can feel frightening, research consistently shows that it is essential for psychological well-being. People who embrace vulnerability tend to experience higher resilience during challenges, greater life satisfaction, and more authentic relationships (Brown, 2021). Vulnerability allows for authenticity and mutual understanding, making conflict easier to navigate and fostering a deeper connection. Hiding feelings and maintaining a strong, unaffected front may have been a learned survival strategy, but as adults, it is our responsibility to recognize that this strategy no longer serves us. Being human means experiencing the full range of emotions, and embracing vulnerability can lead to richer, more fulfilling relationships and a better quality of life. If quality of life is largely shaped by the quality of our relationships, why not do everything we can to cultivate healthy and authentic ones?
How To Be Vulnerable
Making the decision to be vulnerable means consciously setting aside the fear of being seen and loosening the need to control how others perceive us. It involves allowing imperfections, uncertainty, and flaws to be visible. It can be intimidating at first, so starting with less complex situations can help. This can be expressing a simple emotional truth, such as admitting that a comment someone made hurt you, asking for help when you feel overwhelmed, or calmly setting a boundary with a close friend.
Like any learned behavior, vulnerability is a practice. It is not a one-time act, but something developed gradually through repeated, intentional moments of openness. With time and experience, what once felt threatening can begin to feel more natural and less intimidating. In her work, Brené Brown (2021) emphasizes that vulnerability should not be equated with oversharing. It is a conscious choice that requires discernment, including deciding who to share with, how much to share, and what to share. Emotional exposure is not owed to those who have not earned our trust or who might use it against us.
Withholding true emotions, needs, and thoughts in relationships, often out of fear or self-protection, can create significant emotional distance and resentment. Practicing vulnerability allows for greater authenticity and opens space for mutual understanding, which can make conflict easier to navigate and deepen connection. Although the patterns of emotional restraint we learned from early childhood attachment experiences and cultural socialization can be difficult to unlearn, embracing vulnerability is a key step toward more fulfilling relationships and lasting psychological well-being. Showing up fully and allowing ourselves to be seen, even when it feels risky, is not a sign of weakness; it is one of the most courageous acts we can take as human beings.
References
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Ainsworth, M. D. S., & Bell, S. M. (1970). Attachment, exploration, and separation: Illustrated by the behavior of one-year-olds in a strange situation. Child Development, 41(1), 49–67. https://doi.org/10.2307/1127388
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Brody, L. R., & Hall, J. A. (2008). Gender and emotion in context. In M. Lewis, J. M. Haviland-Jones, & L. Feldman Barrett (Eds.), Handbook of emotions (3rd ed., pp. 395–408). Guilford Press.
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Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience. Random House.
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Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348–362. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.2.348
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Leary, M. R., & Kowalski, R. M. (1990). Impression management: A literature review and two-component model. Psychological Bulletin, 107(1), 34–47. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.107.1.34