Each of us holds in mind a set of desired abilities, traits, and an ideal representation of who we want to become. The ideal self refers to the collection of skills, attributes, and resources that an individual ideally wishes to acquire (Higgins, 1987; Markus & Nurius, 1986). To realize this ideal, individuals pursue a range of goals, from professional achievement to personal growth. Most psychological approaches focus on internal processes and treat the individual as operating largely on their own in the pursuit of these goals. However, this individual-centered perspective tends to overlook the decisive role of close partners in the process of attaining the ideal self.
Human beings are inherently social, and social interaction is not merely a source of emotional support but also a context in which the self is actively constructed. In other words, interpersonal interactions and experiences play a crucial role in the pursuit of the ideal self. It is precisely at this point that the Michelangelo phenomenon, developed by Drigotas, Caryl E. Rusbult, and colleagues, becomes relevant. The model proposes that close partners shape one another’s personalities, foster the development of each other’s skills and attributes, and either support or hinder one another’s goals (Rusbult, Finkel, & Kumashiro, 2009). The name of the model carries a metaphorical meaning. According to Michelangelo, sculpture is the process of liberating an ideal figure that already lies dormant within a block of stone; the sculptor’s task is to carve away the excess material to reveal the ideal form (Gombrich, 1995).
Similarly, individuals possess dormant ideal forms referred to as the ideal self. According to this perspective, interpersonal relationships and experiences play a vital role in shaping the self, and relational partners function as “sculptors of the self” (Drigotas et al., 1999). Importantly, the model does not imply recreating or imposing a new self onto the other person. Rather, it refers to recognizing the potential within one’s partner and encouraging them to move toward that potential. However, the Michelangelo phenomenon is sometimes confused with the Pygmalion phenomenon.
The Pygmalion Phenomenon
Whereas the Michelangelo phenomenon describes the process by which a partner shapes the other’s self in line with that person’s own ideal self (the ideal of the sculpture), the Pygmalion phenomenon refers to shaping the partner’s self according to the partner’s own ideals (the ideal of the sculptor) (Büyükşahin Sunal & Taluy, 2012). This process is symbolized by the myth of Pygmalion, who brings to life a statue created according to his own ideal.
In the Pygmalion phenomenon, guidance and expectations are central. The individual does not take the partner’s ideal self into account but instead attempts to mold the partner according to their own ideals, expecting the partner to conform to these expectations. Rather than fostering development, the Pygmalion phenomenon produces adaptation and conformity. Research suggests that such forms of shaping may be negatively associated with individual and relational well-being, particularly in the long term.
Partner Affirmation
Partner affirmation refers to the process by which one partner recognizes, takes seriously, and perceptually and behaviorally supports the other partner’s movement toward their ideal self. When a partner is affirming and the target individual moves closer to their ideals, the target experiences greater personal well-being, including higher life satisfaction and better psychological health (e.g., Drigotas, 2002).
Affirmation does not mean approving the person as they currently are, but rather creating space for who they aspire to become. It is an act of recognizing and strengthening the ideal self. Rusbult and colleagues (2009) define partner affirmation as the central mechanism of the Michelangelo phenomenon. Partner affirmation consists of two components:
Perceptual Affirmation
This component concerns how the partner perceives the individual. The partner recognizes the individual’s ideal self and reflects this potential back to them. Rather than saying, “This is who you are,” the partner conveys, “This is who you have the potential to become.” Rusbult et al. (2009) demonstrate that a partner’s perceptions directly influence how individuals perceive themselves.
Behavioral Affirmation
Behavioral affirmation refers to encouraging, facilitating, or at least not obstructing behaviors that serve the ideal self. Support is expressed not only verbally but also through actions that create or facilitate conditions aligned with the partner’s ideal goals. The partner provides support, allows space, and refrains from belittling or mocking. Analyses indicate that when partners behave more affirmatively during goal-related conversations, individuals are more likely to progress toward their ideal self goals (Rusbult, Coolsen et al., 2009).
In short, partner affirmation involves recognizing the partner’s ideal self and supporting it through perception and action. Perceptual affirmation entails seeing and acknowledging the partner’s potential, while behavioral affirmation translates this perspective into concrete actions that help the partner move toward that potential.
Partner Enhancement
Partner enhancement refers to situations in which a partner’s perceptions of and behaviors toward the target person are more positive than can be realistically justified (Rusbult, Finkel, & Kumashiro, 2009). Enhancement is generally based on a positive bias, whereby socially desirable traits are highlighted or amplified. Importantly, the target of enhancement does not necessarily align with the individual’s ideal self.
According to the literature, when partners perceive one another more positively than individuals perceive themselves, relationships tend to function more smoothly (e.g., Murray, Holmes, & Griffin, 1996). In this sense, enhancement can serve a short-term protective function. However, Rusbult and colleagues argue that not all forms of enhancement are equally effective.
From the perspective of an individual seeking to increase self-confidence, a partner’s general statements such as “You’re already perfect” may feel good in the short term but do not directly contribute to genuine personal growth. In contrast, feedback such as “I’ve noticed that you speak more confidently and comfortably in group settings,” which focuses on progress related to the individual’s ideal self, constitutes support for the ideal self. Research shows that the process that truly makes a difference for personal growth and psychological well-being is not general enhancement, but concrete, goal-consistent partner support directed toward the ideal self.
Conclusion
The Michelangelo phenomenon encourages us to view close relationships as more than mere sources of emotional support. Relationships can change us, foster our growth, or sometimes hinder us. Genuine transformation and development occur when a partner recognizes the other’s ideal self and creates space for that self to emerge. Communicating not only that a person is acceptable as they are, but also that they are capable of moving closer to who they want to become, is therefore critically important.
The Pygmalion phenomenon and general partner enhancement tend to produce adaptation rather than development. Imposing one’s own ideals on a partner or offering praise unrelated to the ideal self may feel reassuring in the short term but offers little long-term benefit for personal growth. The core contribution of the Michelangelo phenomenon lies precisely in this distinction.