The Anxiety Generation And The New Loneliness: The Problem Of Inability To Establish Relationships In Young People In recent years, the difficulty in establishing relationships observed in young people is considered to be a result of the intense cognitive and emotional loads brought by the age, rather than an individual inadequacy. The new social environment, dominated by digitalization, performance culture and social comparison, weakens young people’s interpersonal bonds and leads them to a form of isolation that can be called new loneliness. This situation is not only a decrease in social relationships; it also creates significant changes in attachment patterns, self-perception and emotional regulation.
One of the main dynamics that makes it difficult for today’s youth to establish relationships is the fear of social evaluation. Self-presentation is already fragile during adolescence and young adulthood; however, the visibility and constant comparison environment created by social media further increases this fragility. Teenagers often overestimate interpersonal contacts cognitively based on the likelihood of being “misunderstood”, “overly eager to appear”, or “rejected”. This leads to the triggering of negative automatic thoughts, defined in Beck’s cognitive theory, and avoidance in relationships.
‘Microsocial traumas’ also have an important place in the background of relationship difficulties. Small experiences that are emotionally hurtful but often unnoticed—such as being late to respond to messages, feeling invisible in social settings, or not receiving a much-anticipated interest—nourish schemas of worthlessness and inadequacy in young people. Such micro-breaks are not traumatic on their own; however, when they become chronic, they strengthen withdrawal behaviors. This situation is also discussed in the literature as “repetitive social hurt”.
Attachment theory provides an important framework for understanding this process. Research shows that modern living conditions have increased the rates of insecure attachment.
‘Anxiously attached’ young people are extremely sensitive to the possibility of rejection; therefore, they oscillate between intense search for confirmation and withdrawal in relationships.
‘Avoidantly attached’ young people, on the other hand, try to maintain distance because they perceive emotional closeness as a threat.
Both attachment patterns weaken trust, predictability and mutual openness, which are the basic components of a healthy relationship.
The rapid spread of digital culture has transformed the way young people form relationships, replacing face-to-face communication skills with brief, superficial and performative online contacts. This change can hinder the development of emotional awareness and the capacity to establish interpersonal closeness. Young people are turning to this form of communication because online interaction is easily accessible, but this leads to a weakening of skills such as patience, flexibility and emotional labor required by real relationships. Thus, while young people experience the feeling of “being connected”, they simultaneously experience a deep loneliness.
Case Example
A brief case example may be useful to embody this context:
Case Example:
“17-year-old A. states that he exhibits a pronounced withdrawal behavior in peer relationships at school. He stated that he is afraid of being ‘misunderstood’ and ‘appearing unnecessary’ in social settings, so he avoids talking. During the consultation process it was observed that he did not receive the attention he expected from his friends in the past and that the low feedback he received on his social media posts triggered feelings of worthlessness in him. In cognitive studies, it was understood that A.’s automatic thought of ‘I am not interesting enough’ reinforced social avoidance. After the studies on initiating social contact with small steps, having short conversations and expressing his feelings, albeit limited, it has been observed that he experiences less anxiety in interpersonal relationships.”
This case shows that difficulties in forming relationships often develop not due to a single event, but due to the accumulation of minor injuries, dysfunctional automatic thinking, and anxiety about social evaluation.
Interventions And Relational Support
In order for young people to establish healthy relationships, first of all, the anxiety of being judged must be reduced, and then their social skills must be structured. Awareness studies, restructuring automatic thoughts, social skills training and creating safe relationship experiences are among the effective methods in psychological counseling processes.
Additionally, providing a more supportive, accepting and flexible social environment for young people by families and educators is critical for relational healing.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the inability to establish relationships in young people is a reflection of the psychosocial dynamics of the age rather than an individual inadequacy. The new loneliness experienced by the generation of anxiety is a process that can be changed when recognized and addressed with the right interventions. It is extremely valuable to encourage small but sustainable social steps, create emotional safe spaces and emphasize that relationships are a skill so that young people can establish healthy bonds. This approach will make a significant contribution to the future adults establishing stronger, more flexible and secure relationships.