When we are born as a woman, we are given an invisible suitcase. A suitcase with labels such as good daughter, devoted mother, caring wife, quiet worker, beautiful woman, patient sister, understanding friend. Sometimes, there are people who force us to carry this suitcase of societal expectations, and sometimes, even if no one forces it, not carrying this suitcase or not wanting to carry it can make us feel wrong, incomplete, selfish, and guilty.
Over the years, these roles and responsibilities are internalized so much that the woman can actually get rid of these burdens if she leaves the suitcase in her hand or removes the excess in the suitcase. But the woman begins to act as if they are not a burden, but a part of herself. Over time, the woman becomes unable to distinguish which role belonged to her and which she learned later. Is it her own voice or the expectations of others that speak? After a while, she becomes so alienated from her own voice that even if she hears that voice, she cannot realize that it belongs to her.
Despite all this acceptance process, it is not easy to carry a suitcase of societal roles in your hand for a lifetime. One day, a voice awakens inside the woman. “Is this life really mine?”, “What made me happy?”, “Who am I really?” questions settle in her mind and heart. As she gets tired of her current duties while searching for herself, she begins to experience internal conflicts. If these conflicts are left unresolved, they can damage a person’s self-esteem and then their psychological well-being. Although the labels that society attaches to women seem similar from time to time, discovering one’s personality is actually quite different.
Where Do the Roles Begin and the Woman End?
Society has drawn a framework for women and does not want women to go out of this framework. Pressures such as “sit down like a woman,” “act like a woman” start with the family in which the woman grew up. It continues with the neighborhood, media, and culture. The common point is that the roles that women should have are imposed on all sides. The woman feels as if she is surrounded by roles and pressures inside a castle. These pressures, which seem innocent at first, turn into an identity on the woman over time.
At first, the person thinks that these are normal. She agrees, saying, “I am a woman, and I should act like this.” But over time, if her identity and essence do not coincide, these roles begin to become a sweater with a neck that tightens her throat. For example, a woman who everyone considers a very good mother may become unhappy over time if she does not have the time, energy, and, most of all, social support to meet her own emotional needs. At this point, realizing that the roles assigned do not belong to oneself, but are created by society, is the first step of change.
Finding Your Own Voice: Facing Your Fears
It is only possible for a woman to return to her essence by finding her own voice. To stand out from the expectations of society; it is not easy to question who you are, except for adjectives such as mother, wife, woman—it takes courage. At first, the woman may feel lost. It may seem that it is easier to continue with the usual patterns than to question their own identity, and they may be afraid of this questioning and run away. The question “Who am I?” can create a serious void for a person who has tried to live with the identities imposed by others for years and is used to it.
There is only one way to overcome all this: to dare. Courage is not the absence of fear; the real courage is to be willing to take a step even though you are afraid. In order to be liberated, it is necessary to face fears. Dare to ask yourself what you really feel, what you enjoy, and what you want. Only in this way can you break free from the stereotypes imposed by society.
In summary, not every woman has to carry a suitcase of societal expectations. Even if she wants to carry it, she should be able to create this suitcase herself. She should be able to decide for herself how much load to put in it and what loads to carry. First, ask yourself, “What do I want in this life?”, “What is my purpose?”. Then turn around and look at it.
If this woman is not you, there is definitely a woman around you who is tired of responsibilities. To lend a hand to her, to support her, to lighten her burden, even for a few hours, to say, “I’m here for you, what do you need; what can I do for you?”. She is a woman, yes, but she does not have to carry the suitcase—you can support her by taking her suitcase from time to time and carrying it. That way, she can at least have the time and energy to decide what she wants to pack in her suitcase.
I hope it will be a day when you lighten someone’s burden…