Why Our Peaceful Primate Cousins Often Outshine Us in Empathy and Cooperation
Bonobos live in societies marked not by warfare but by reconciliation, not by domination but by sharing, and not by suspicion but by empathy. Their social norms rest on forgiveness and physical contact, with needs like hunger, sex, or grooming met directly and openly. Humans, by contrast, allow ambition, taboo, and the pursuit of power or property to overshadow solidarity and bonding, often restricting empathy to in-group members. Abstract thought has enabled remarkable cultural and technological advances, yet it has also weakened prosocial behavior: when feelings are redirected toward status and performance rather than genuine reciprocity, they create self-centered conflict. Against this backdrop, the straightforward, need-based dynamics of bonobos provide a valuable model for rethinking human connection and the capacity for compassion.
Conflict Resolution Without Violence
For humans, conflict often spirals into shouting matches, grudges, or outright violence. From domestic quarrels to international wars, aggression seems baked into our social repertoire. But bonobos show us another way.
When tensions rise in a bonobo group (over food, mates, or territory), the resolution is rarely violent. Instead, bonobos rely on social tools: physical affection, playful gestures, grooming, or sexual contact. What looks unusual through human eyes is actually deeply functional: these behaviors rapidly diffuse hostility and reestablish bonds. Aggression becomes an opportunity for reconnection. “Conflict transformation,” turning potential damage into a pathway for intimacy. Humans have the capacity for this too, visible in acts of forgiveness and reconciliation, but it is far from our default mode. More often, we escalate rather than soothe. Bonobos remind us that peace-making can be instinctive; if only we allow it to be.
Sharing and Empathy Beyond Kin
In the human world, sharing is often conditional. We give when social norms compel us, or when resources are abundant enough to feel safe. Scarcity breeds competition, hoarding, and sometimes cruelty.
Bonobos again deviate from this script. Experiments have shown that bonobos willingly share food, even with strangers outside their immediate group. They exhibit genuine empathy: consoling distressed companions, adjusting play to the comfort levels of partners, and showing concern when others are harmed.
This generosity challenges long-held evolutionary assumptions. If survival is about “every primate for themselves,” why would bonobos waste precious food on outsiders? The answer seems to lie in the social glue of empathy. By sharing, bonobos strengthen networks, reduce the risk of conflict, and ensure long-term reciprocity.
Humans are certainly capable of empathy; our charities, social movements, and spontaneous kindnesses attest to that. But our record is inconsistent. Too often, tribalism overrides compassion: we extend empathy to those who look, believe, or live like us, while withholding it from those we perceive as “other.” Bonobos, with their inclusive approach, reveal that generosity need not be so narrowly bounded.
Female Solidarity as Social Stabilizer
In many human societies, hierarchies tilt toward male dominance, often maintained through aggression. Bonobo societies, by contrast, are remarkable for the power of female alliances. Female bonobos form tight, enduring bonds, and these coalitions have a stabilizing effect. Together, they can check the aggression of males, prevent violent escalations, and guide the group’s collective decisions. In effect, female solidarity functions as a built-in safeguard against tyranny and unchecked violence.
Human history tells a different story. While women’s movements and feminist solidarity have achieved remarkable gains, the consistency and strength of these alliances are often undermined by cultural, political, or economic forces. Where bonobos achieve equilibrium through female cooperation, humans frequently stumble into patriarchal cycles of dominance and resistance.
Violence, Peace, and Human Potential
The starkest contrast between humans and bonobos lies in the realm of violence. While bonobos almost never kill one another, human history is marked by wars, genocides, and murders, with systemic violence persisting even in relatively peaceful times. Scholars suggest that ecological abundance in bonobo habitats reduced competition, allowing cooperative strategies to thrive, while cultural traditions reinforced nonviolent norms. Yet the implications extend beyond biology. Bonobos remind us that aggression need not define social life; hostility can be transformed into reconciliation, and competition need not culminate in bloodshed. For humans, this offers a crucial lesson: conflict, greed, and hierarchy are not inevitable outcomes of nature but choices shaped by culture and psychology. We often rationalize domination as “natural,” overlooking the fact that empathy, forgiveness, and işbirliği are equally natural capacities. The challenge, then, is not to mimic every bonobo behavior but to cultivate the latent resources within our own species. Just as bonobos safeguard group stability through solidarity and işbirliği, humans, too, can foster cultures where compassion outweighs cruelty. These are not utopian luxuries but essential survival skills. The question is whether we have the will to practice them consistently, individually and collectively.
Bonobo’s Can, Mankind Can’t—Yet
The title of this reflection—Bonobo’s Can and Mankind Can’t—is intentionally provocative. It does not mean humans are doomed to fail. Rather, it highlights a paradox: the very traits that make us so advanced intellectually coexist with social habits that keep us trapped in cycles of violence and mistrust.
The truth is that mankind can, if we choose. Bonobos prove that a primate lineage can thrive without constant bloodshed, domination, and exclusion. They are living, breathing counterarguments to the pessimistic view that humans are destined for conflict.
So the challenge before us is not whether peaceful cooperation is possible, but whether we are willing to prioritize it. The psychological tools exist within us; evolution has equipped us with empathy circuits, bonding hormones, and moral intuitions. What remains is to practice them: habitually, collectively, and with the courage to believe that compassion is not weakness but strength.
Bonobos have already shown the way. The question is whether mankind can finally follow.
References
Brooker, J. S., Webb, C. E., de Waal, F. B. M., & Clay, Z. (2024). The expression of empathy in human’s closest relatives, bonobos and chimpanzees: Current and future directions. Biological Reviews. https://doi.org/10.1111/brv.13152
Kret, M. E., Prochazkova, E., Sterck, E. H. M., & Clay, Z. (2016). Bonobos (Pan paniscus) show an attentional bias toward conspecifics’ emotions. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 113(14), 3761–3766. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1522060113
Samuni, L., Surbeck, M., & Crockford, C. (2023, November 20). Bonobos offer insight into evolution of cooperation. Harvard Gazette. https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2023/11/bonobos-offer-insight-into-evolution-of-cooperation
Tan, J., Ariely, D., & Hare, B. (2017). Bonobos respond prosocially toward members of other social groups. Scientific Reports, 7, 14733. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-017-15320-w
van Leeuwen, E. J. C., Clay, Z., Cronin, K. A., Haun, D. B. M., & Koski, S. E. (2025). Empathic comforting varies more within bonobo and chimpanzee species than between them. Royal Society Open Science, 12(4), 240939. https://doi.org/10.1098/rsos.240939