“Am I a good enough mother?” This is a question many mothers quietly whisper to themselves in the stillness of the night a profound inner inquiry often shaped by guilt, feelings of inadequacy, or the relentless pressure to be perfect. The societal ideal of the “self-sacrificing,” “patient,” and “perfect mother” often overshadows women’s authentic maternal experiences, making it difficult for them to claim space for their own inner journeys. Yet motherhood is not a destination to be reached. Like every meaningful journey in life, motherhood is a processmarked by highs and lows, unmet needs, and moments of healing. In this article, I will explore the expectations around motherhood, the internal conflicts it brings, and what we truly mean when we speak of being “good enough” from a psychological perspective.
Selfhood and Motherhood: From Feeling Lost to Being Reborn
Motherhood is often experienced not so much as the acquisition of a new identity, but rather the suspension of all other identities. After becoming a mother, a woman finds herself not only attending to her child’s needs but also trying to fulfill the expectations of society, her family, and even the internalized voices shaped by her past. She strives to conform to her internalized image of what a “good mother” should be.
In this process, one of the most frequently asked and least answered questions becomes: “Who am I?”
The self can be defined as one’s perception of who they are. It is shaped by one’s ability to recognize and respond to their own emotions, boundaries, and needs. However, within the experience of motherhood, this self-perception often becomes secondary to the needs of the child. Especially in the early years of parenting, many women deprioritize their own needs and drift away from a sense of selfhood. While some mothers experience this as a form of loss, others describe it as a rebirth.
Though it is undoubtedly demanding, motherhoodlike all transitionsopens new doors within a woman’s inner world. She rediscovers her boundaries, learns to say no, and strengthens her emotional resilience. At its core, motherhood offers a profound opportunity for psychological growth.
But for this transformation to unfold in a healthy way, a woman must first remember that she is a personnot only a mother. Maintaining other identitiessuch as partner, friend, professional, or simply a human beingnourishes her sense of self. When existence becomes solely defined by a child’s needs, it can lead to emotional exhaustion and alienation. As a mother devotes all her energy to her child, she may begin to drift away from herself. Over time, she may even hold the child responsible for this detachment.
However, when a mother can make space for her own being, she can approach motherhood from a more compassionate and flexible place. We must remember: the bond a mother has with herself is the most enduring legacy she can pass on to her child.
Below is a suggested exercise you can turn to when you feel emotionally overwhelmed or disconnected. With practice, it may become more effective and supportive. Taking notes on your thoughts and feelings after the exercise may also help you track your progress and recognize your inner changes over time.
Self-Awareness Exercise for Mothers
This brief exercise is designed to foster awareness of your identity beyond motherhood. Take a few quiet moments to yourself in a calm setting:
- Close your eyes. Take a deep breath.
As you slowly exhale, remind yourself that you are here, in this moment. There is no need to push everything else aside being present with yourself is enough. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back. - Ask yourself:
“When was the last time I did something just for myself?”
Did you read something, take a solo walk, listen to a song you love, or simply act on a whim? - Now ask:
“If I were to care for myself today, what would that look like?”
Perhaps it’s enjoying a cup of coffee, sitting in silence, taking a warm shower, or simply resting. - Breathe into that feeling.
Try saying this sentence aloud:
“I existed before I became a mother. I exist now. My presence matters.”
This simple practice is a small but powerful step toward reconnecting with yourself and offering yourself compassion. The tenderness you cultivate toward yourself will inevitably resonate in your child’s world.
There may be times when you realize you’re not offering yourself the same care and gentleness you extend to your child. In such moments, a practical, ready-made “self-care checklist” can be helpful. Feel free to use the one below or customize your own version to suit your unique needs.
5 Compassionate Practices to Support Yourself on the Journey of Motherhood
- Recognize your own needs.
While you tend to your child’s needs, remember to notice your own. A brief pause, a favorite song, or a warm cup of tea can be enough to remind you that you are still here. - Acknowledge your inner voicewithout judgment.
When you hear yourself say, “I’m not enough. I’m not a good mother,” try to catch that voice. Instead of silencing it, speak to it gently. Perhaps it only wishes to be seen. Acknowledge it, and let it pass. - Choose authenticity over perfection.
Life does not require perfection. The bond you share with your child, and how they feel in your presence, is far more meaningful. Mistakes are a natural part of any relationship. - Share, speak, seek support.
Isolation can amplify the challenges of motherhood. Opening up to a close friend, a therapist, or another mother can ease the burden. Social support is essential in any process that demands adaptation. - Remember yourself.
You are not just a mother. You are a woman who dreams, who tires, who laughs, who hurts, who heals. Remembering who you are beyond motherhood is a gift to both yourself and your child.
Motherhood is an experience that transcends words and resists purely biological explanation. Knowing you are not alone that many mothers have felt what you feel can bring comfort. Your self-questioning and the guilt you sometimes carry may, in fact, be reflections of how deeply you care and how committed you are to being a good mother.
Continue growing, without blaming or forgetting yourself. Embrace motherhood with grace. With this opportunity, I extend my warmest wishes for Mother’s Dayespecially to my beloved mother and to all mothers everywhere. You are deeply appreciated.
With love,