Intimate partner violence (IPV) is often framed in society through a one-sided lens: women as victims, men as perpetrators. While this narrative brings necessary attention to the very real and widespread issue of violence against women, it also oversimplifies the complex dynamics of abuse. In many parts of the world, the majority of research and public discourse has focused almost exclusively on female victimhood, often overlooking the reality of male victims. This gendered assumption creates a blind spot that obscures the experiences of men who suffer physical or emotional abuse from their partners.
Social stigmas, traditional masculinity norms, and legal shortcomings further complicate their ability to seek help or even articulate their trauma. Globally, male victimhood remains largely invisible—a problem exacerbated by entrenched gender norms and legal systems that fail to address abuse in a gender-neutral way.
A striking cultural example that exposes this disparity is the British series Baby Reindeer, based on a true story. The show portrays a male protagonist who is relentlessly stalked and emotionally abused by a woman—forcing viewers to confront an uncomfortable truth: male victims are often dismissed, disbelieved, or outright ignored. The emotional manipulation depicted in the series underscores how abuse is not limited to physical violence and how male suffering is frequently rationalized or minimized.
The Gender Paradigm of Violence
Academic literature has traditionally framed IPV as a gendered issue, with men cast as aggressors and women as victims. While this has helped raise awareness about violence against women, it has also created a narrative gap. Research highlights how male victims face systemic challenges in accessing support services and fair legal treatment.
Baby Reindeer compellingly illustrates how societal perceptions shape our understanding of violence. The male character’s psychological and emotional suffering is trivialized, and his attempts to be heard are met with skepticism. This reveals a secondary form of victimization—when the trauma is not only inflicted by the abuser but also invalidated by society.
This gender polarization perpetuates a dangerous cycle. Men are socialized to identify with aggression or stoicism, while women are exclusively positioned as vulnerable. Yet studies show that women, too, can engage in emotional and physical violence against their partners. These findings, however, often clash with prevailing social narratives and are therefore marginalized.
The Invisible Male Victim
Focusing exclusively on female victimhood has rendered male victimization a societal taboo. Men who endure emotional, physical, or economic abuse often struggle to voice their experiences due to the cultural expectations surrounding masculinity. Scholar Michael Johnson’s concept of “common couple violence” argues that both men and women can perpetrate violence—not always in self-defense, but as part of mutual conflict. Still, such perspectives rarely gain traction in public discourse.
Emotional abuse is particularly difficult to document and easy for outsiders to rationalize or dismiss. Baby Reindeer shines a light on how gender biases influence the perception of abuse. The protagonist’s emotional turmoil is continually downplayed by those around him, making it difficult for him to claim his victimhood.
These dynamics help explain why male experiences with IPV are underreported and under-acknowledged. Legal systems are less likely to take male claims seriously, especially in the absence of physical evidence. Moreover, there is a significant lack of social service networks designed to support male victims—further discouraging men from coming forward.
Toward a New Understanding of Abuse
To fully grasp the nature of intimate partner violence, we must move beyond gender-based dichotomies and adopt a perspective that recognizes the potential for both men and women to be victims or perpetrators. Acknowledging this complexity does not diminish the importance of addressing violence against women—it simply broadens the lens, allowing for a more accurate and effective response to all forms of abuse.
Gender polarization not only misrepresents the true nature of IPV but also hampers our ability to develop holistic interventions. By ignoring male victims and female perpetrators, we create a lopsided narrative that is both incomplete and unjust.
The path forward requires breaking down these binary assumptions and investing in research, resources, and cultural narratives that reflect the full scope of the problem.
Breaking the Taboo: Steps Toward Awareness
To build a more inclusive understanding of partner violence, several steps are essential:
● Support and fund research that acknowledges the bidirectional nature of IPV.
● Establish legal and psychological support systems tailored to male victims.
● Encourage media and pop culture to move beyond one-dimensional portrayals of abuse.
While Baby Reindeer offers a crucial glimpse into male victimhood, lasting change will only come through sustained efforts in education, policy, and cultural transformation.
Violence Is Not a Gender Issue
Intimate partner violence is a multifaceted, context-dependent phenomenon that transcends gender. Ignoring male victimhood undermines not only justice and equality but also the validity of research and intervention strategies. By allowing outdated gender roles to dictate who can be a victim or a perpetrator, we limit our ability to address the issue comprehensively.
A truly effective response to IPV must be inclusive, evidence-based, and free from gender bias. The bold storytelling of Baby Reindeer may spark awareness, but true progress demands that this conversation extend beyond a single series or isolated academic studies—it must become a societal commitment.