There are people who should be crying, but their tears don’t flow. They should be happy, but they feel no joy inside. When you ask someone, “How do you feel?” they pause, think, and then say, “I don’t know.” At that moment, a silence emerges — a silence where the bridge between the person and their emotions has been destroyed.
This silence is called alexithymia. Simply put, alexithymia means “inability to access emotions.” The person feels, but cannot describe what they feel. Anger, sadness, love, fear… all these emotions get stuck somewhere inside, mix together, blur, and become impossible to put into words. It is as if the language of emotions has been silenced.
Yet emotions are the most fundamental part of being human. We heal and find our way by expressing them. But for those with alexithymia, this expression is like speaking a foreign language; they know the words but cannot feel their meaning.
This condition is often mistakenly interpreted as coldness or insensitivity. But these people are not insensitive; they simply cannot perceive their emotions. Something stirs in their hearts, but their minds cannot grasp it. It is like sitting in a windowless house — the seasons change outside, but inside, everything remains the same.
The Roots of Alexithymia
The causes of alexithymia can be quite varied. Family environments where emotions are suppressed during childhood are among the most common causes. Phrases such as “Don’t cry,” “Don’t exaggerate,” or “Don’t get angry,” along with statements like “You’re a big kid now,” instill in the child the belief that emotions are off-limits. Over time, people suppress their emotions and gradually lose touch with them.
Scientific research shows that there are functional differences in the brain regions that process emotions. However, it is not only biology that leads to alexithymia — psychological learning patterns and emotional conditioning throughout life also play a significant role.
Emotional Consequences in Daily Life
This condition creates many difficulties in everyday life. People with alexithymia often experience problems in their close relationships. Their partners expect an emotional response but do not receive it. They ask, “Don’t you love me?” — when in fact, the person is not unloving; they simply do not know how to show love.
Because they don’t understand what they feel when under stress, their bodies begin to speak on their behalf. The emotions they repress find new ways to be heard — through psychosomatic symptoms such as stomach aches, dizziness, or fatigue. The repressed emotions start to speak the language of the body.
In a way, alexithymia is like a silent epidemic of modern times. Behind our screens and within the chaos of everyday life, we forget to put our feelings into words. On social media, appearing happy has become more important than staying connected to our inner selves. Perhaps that’s why more and more people are left alone with their inner emptiness — feeling it, but unable to describe or understand it.
So What Can Be Done?
Alexithymia can be improved through awareness and practice. It is possible to relearn the language of emotions. The key is not to suppress emotions, but to allow them to exist.
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When you feel empty, ask yourself: “What am I experiencing right now?”
Recognizing emotions gives them shape, and naming them brings you back to yourself. -
Keep in mind that emotions liberate us not when they are suppressed, but when they are accepted.
Alexithymia is not the absence of emotions — it is a lack of contact with them.
Every contact is a step toward healing.
Practical Tools for Emotional Awareness
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Keep an Emotion Journal – Write down moments of emotional confusion. Even single words matter.
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Listen to Your Body – Observe physical symptoms as emotional signals.
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Analyze Emotions Through Movies and Books – Use art as a mirror for your inner world.
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Seek Professional Support – A therapist can guide emotional awareness in a safe and structured way.
Ask Yourself
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Do you usually describe your thoughts instead of your emotions?
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Do you think your physical pain or discomfort could have emotional roots?
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Do you find it difficult to answer the question, “How do you feel?”
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Does it bother you when someone close to you asks, “Why do you feel that way?”
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Do you think suppressing your emotions protects you or distances you?
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How do you feel when you watch an emotionally intense movie?
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After an argument, what stays with you more: the words that were said, or how you felt?
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When you want to share your feelings, who do you talk to?
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Do you ever find it difficult to empathize?
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Do you find it easy to put your feelings into words?
How to Approach Someone with Alexithymia
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Accept their feelings without pressuring them.
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Create a safe emotional space.
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Be patient and don’t fear silence.
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Pay attention to body language — it often speaks when words cannot.
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Show empathy without forcing emotional expression.
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Encourage gentle, nonjudgmental psychological support.
Remember:
They are not emotionless — they are simply hard to reach.