You are not alone.
And no one is meant to rise from their ashes entirely on their own.

The journey of the Anka—the Phoenix—who migrated to Canada, reminds us of a simple truth: Asking for help is not a weakness; it is the first spark of rebirth.

The most profound transformations often begin at the moment we finally say, “I don’t have to carry this by myself anymore.” Maybe it happens on a night when we can barely breathe, or on a morning when our patience finally runs out…

In everyday life, we can usually tolerate countless stimuli—noise, crowded spaces, family dynamics, the flow of relationships. But when a person is in pain, they become susceptible to the outside world. The mind, trying to preserve itself amid this intensity, activates a natural withdrawal reflex. This reflex has two main components.

Reducing Stimulation

Crowded environments, tasks, questions, explanations—even simple conversation—drain energy. A person in pain cannot carry that weight, so they retreat. They choose silence. They isolate themselves in their room. Silence is not an escape; it is a regulated space where the nervous system can finally breathe.

Seeking Internal Safety

When the external world feels demanding or unpredictable, it can feel threatening. So the person retreats into their inner cave—not into darkness, but into a protected space where feelings can reorganize, settle, and gather strength again. They may not answer messages. You may not reach them when you call. Their social capacity shrinks, and their ability to engage drops. These behaviours are often misunderstood. Yet each one is the psyche’s gentle attempt to protect itself and begin healing.

With pain comes withdrawal—not as a weakness, but as the biological and psychological doorway to healing. When the mind reduces its engagement with the outside world, it creates the quiet necessary to restore internal balance. This inward-turning reflex is the first step toward gathering strength and continuing forward.

Sometimes This Process Looks Like…

Crying silently for hours, staring at blank walls…
Leaving the TV on for days, listening to the same song on repeat…
Thinking about the meaning of what happened, walking through the pain, resisting, reconciling with yourself—trying to hear that faint inner voice asking, “What is this teaching me?”

The first step of growth is often turning inward—the phase between acceptance and denial. Research on trauma shows that post-traumatic withdrawal, emotional numbing, and loneliness are widespread. When the nervous system detects a threat, a person’s instinctive response is to shut down and limit connection (van der Kolk, 2014). Judith Herman (1992) emphasizes that trauma can weaken one’s capacity to connect, often leading to social retreat.

From a therapeutic perspective, all of these are natural components of emotional processing.

And sometimes rebirth begins with a single sentence: “I need help.”
Or with a compassionate voice from the other side: “You need help, and you don’t have to carry this alone.”

The Quiet Third Observer

During this process, a quiet “third observer” is present: our supporters, therapists, friends, the people with whom we share safe attachment… While we face our pain, they hold the invisible space that healing requires.

The Message Of The Phoenix

Healing does not grow in isolation; it grows in relationship, in support, in courage, and in self-compassion.

Research consistently shows that asking for help—whether professional, social, or emotional—is one of the most essential components of recovery. Social support is identified as one of the strongest protective factors for trauma healing and post-traumatic growth (Cohen & Wills, 1985; Tedeschi & Calhoun, 2004). Reaching out for help is an active coping strategy that reflects a person’s intention to change, motivation to heal, and sense of self-efficacy (Bandura, 1997).

For this reason, asking for help is not a weakness—it is a marker of psychological resilience that initiates the healing process. Clinical practice likewise shows that trauma recovery is rarely sustainable without safe relationships and social support (Herman, 1992; APA, 2017).

Dear Readers, Who Is This Phoenix?

Imagine a migrant woman: someone who has spent the last decade trying to grow new roots in an unfamiliar land; someone who believes that the ancient legacy of migration carried by her Turkish ancestry has echoed within her since childhood. A middle-aged woman who has internalized the stories of her ancestors—those who set out on countless journeys—learning to adapt to change early in life, with resilience woven almost instinctively into her being.

For her, migration is not merely a change of place; it is a reconstruction of identity, a resurfacing of buried memories, a series of unexpected trials, and a quiet yet profound process of inner transformation.

Gathering the courage she had accumulated over the years, this migrant woman embraced her children under her wings and brought them to Canada. Even in moments when life felt unbearably heavy, she learned to use humour as a shield, and when her strength ran out, she withdrew into herself, tending to her wounds in silence. She is a powerful Phoenix—one who knows how to rise, even from weightless ashes.

In times of hardship, she shines through her resourcefulness. On days when she feels depleted, she heals by returning to her inner sanctuary—a migrant Phoenix who carries resilience and vulnerability on the same delicate line.

You do not have to bury your voice.
Some weights become lighter when they are shared.
And some paths only open when they are walked together.

References

American Psychological Association. (2017). Clinical Practice Guideline For The Treatment Of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). APA.
Bandura, A. (1997). Self-Efficacy: The Exercise Of Control. Freeman.
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310–357.
Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma And Recovery. Basic Books.
Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1–18.
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps The Score. Viking.