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We Do Not Reach What We Want, But What We Believe We Deserve

At some point in our lives, we have all asked ourselves: “Can I really achieve everything I want?”
Some of us ask this question with hope, while others quietly think, “It’s not that simple.” Yet, the interesting part is that this question is not merely a wish — it touches the very core of the psychology of attraction, one of the deeper areas of psychological inquiry.

The psychology of attraction examines how people’s thoughts, emotions, and expectations shape their behaviors and, indirectly, the outcomes of their lives. The saying “You become what you think” may sound mystical, but it has a psychological basis. The human mind naturally tends to move toward what it believes in.

When we truly desire something, our brains begin to notice the paths that lead toward that goal. This process is guided by a mechanism called selective perception. For example, when you decide you want a red car, you suddenly start seeing red cars everywhere. They haven’t multiplied; your mind has simply become more attuned to them. The same process applies to goals — the clearer you are about what you want and the more emotionally connected you are to it, the more your mind begins to notice opportunities that lead you there.

Desire, Belief, and Action

However, there is an important distinction: wanting something is not enough. Psychology shows us that positive thinking alone is insufficient; it must be supported by consistent action. The human brain strengthens its beliefs through repeated behavior. In other words, each small step you take toward a goal convinces your brain that the goal is attainable — keeping your motivation alive.

The opposite is also true. If you desire something deeply but take no action, your brain gradually begins to classify that desire as a fantasy. Without realizing it, you start behaving as if the goal has already been lost. Here, the psychology of attraction reminds us of a crucial balance: desire, belief, and action cannot be separated.

The Role of Self-Efficacy

Many people attribute failure to bad luck or external conditions. However, one of the strongest psychological predictors of success is what we call self-efficacy — the belief that “I can do it.”
This belief influences both our decision-making processes and our resilience. Research shows that individuals with strong self-efficacy are more likely to reach their goals, even when facing the same challenges as others.

So, what is the answer to the question, “Can we achieve everything we want?” Let’s be realistic: life does not always unfold according to our plans. Sometimes external conditions, timing, or even our own inner limitations hold us back. Yet from a psychological perspective, even the things we cannot attain can transform us. Because walking toward a goal teaches us far more than reaching it. The human mind grows not from outcomes, but through the process itself.

The Question of Worthiness

Perhaps the real question is not about achieving everything, but about choosing what is truly worth pursuing. The psychology of attraction holds up a mirror: Do we really desire what we want, or what society expects us to desire?

Sometimes we learn concepts like “success,” “happiness,” or “abundance” so strongly from outer voices that we forget to hear our inner one. But the essence of attraction lies not in aligning the external world — it lies in aligning the inner world. To attract something is not merely to want it; it is to be ready for it.

Being ready means facing your fears, recognizing your limits, and knowing when to let go. Because sometimes, it’s not the universe that blocks us — it’s us. We claim to want something deeply, yet at the same time, we poison our minds with the thought, “What if it doesn’t happen?” Psychologically, such thoughts paralyze action.

The Path of Belief and Action

In conclusion, the psychology of attraction tells us this: If you want to reach something, first believe, then act, and most importantly, feel worthy of it. Because a person does not live what they believe — they live what they feel worthy of.

When a person truly believes in something, life gradually begins to shape itself around that belief. But this process is not magical; it requires patience, awareness, and determination. Life always includes factors beyond our control — sometimes plans fall apart, sometimes what we desire takes longer to arrive. That is when the real test of attraction begins. Because at that moment, the question is not “Why isn’t it happening?” but “Am I still on the path?”

Maybe we cannot reach everything we want. But each time, we can choose our direction and realize who we are becoming through our choices. Growth often begins not when we get what we want, but when we don’t. Every setback, every delay, every new attempt strengthens both the mind and the heart.

Transformation and Positive Psychology

And perhaps the things we strive for exist to bring us closer to ourselves. Walking toward a goal is not only about reaching an outcome, but also about reaching a state of awareness. It is about knowing yourself, recognizing your patience, and realizing how resilient you truly are.

At some point, we understand that what we were searching for was never the result — it was the version of ourselves that matured along the way. So, maybe we cannot achieve everything we desire — but in the end, we realize something profound:

What truly matters is not reaching what we want… but discovering who we become on the way there.

The journey itself is the essence of positive psychology — the growth, meaning, and self-understanding that emerge not from success, but from the process of striving.

Cansu Bekar
Cansu Bekar
Born in Trabzon, Cansu Bekar is an educational consultant and a graduate of the Social Work department at Eurasia University. By deeply examining human behavior, psychological processes, and personal development, she works to help individuals follow a healthier, more efficient, and sustainable path in their academic and personal lives. In her writings on personal development, she offers practical and scientifically supported content to help individuals discover their potential and guide their lives in a more balanced way. Her work on persuasion strategies and motivation techniques, rooted in strong psychological foundations, shows both individuals and organizations how to benefit from the power of psychology. She has received training in crisis management, storytelling in child development, brand communication in the digital age, creating differentiation with effective marketing communication, memory techniques, and educational consulting. Additionally, she regularly shares content related to psychology and personal development on her Instagram platform, @moviipsikoloji.

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