As women, we often try to find our true selves within the system created by others. The rules implanted in us by society, family, and sometimes belief systems do not tell us who we are but rather who we are supposed to be. A woman is pushed into a place where she is both invisible and silent. Moreover, this invisibility becomes internalized over time and turns unquestionable (Arat, 1994). But perhaps transformation begins precisely in this silence. In this article, I want to discuss the roles imposed on women by society, the fear of the unknown, and how we can reconstruct our identity from both my professional and personal perspective.
In the dominant system of society, the leading role has always been assigned to men. Even God is male, the head of the household is male, and decision-makers are male. A woman, on the other hand, is like a silent supporter of this order. Whenever a woman seeks knowledge or speaks, she is either declared insane or too much (Erasmus, 2003). That is, women are either too much or not enough; they are either too visible and therefore dangerous, or not conforming enough and thus excluded. As a result, many women, despite knowing a lot, do not speak; despite feeling much, they do not show it. Silence sometimes becomes a form of protection.
For centuries, our invisible side has shown that what we call identity is not just an individual matter. Our identity is shaped not only by what comes from within but also by the roles imposed on us from the outside. Every individual forced to wear the roles dictated by society, especially women, begins to alienate themselves (Kağıtçıbaşı, 2010). We are expected to obey, remain silent, and be self-sacrificial. The woman who wants to fulfill herself, who wants to be different, who does not fit into molds, becomes a threat in the eyes of this system.
And the cost of this is often paid through guilt, loneliness, or exclusion. However, forming our identity should be nourished by choice, not fear.
The Fear of the Unknown and Reconstructing Identity
And yes, the unknown… Death, identity, orientation, the future… Not knowing what will happen is one of our greatest fears. Uncertainty creates endless scenarios in our minds, and we often cling to the darkest one. But sometimes, knowing the certainty of something gives courage. This way, one begins to see more clearly what they want and who they want to be (Kağıtçıbaşı, 2010). When suppressed desires come to the surface, it is not the desires themselves that hurt us, but the fact that we have suppressed them. The constructs of masculinity and femininity dissolve, and emotions and roles become purely human (Berktay, 2003). And at this point, the individual can finally start to breathe.
It is often said that the patriarchal order brings structure, but most of the time, we suffocate within that order. Amid rules, boundaries, and expectations, while living the life expected of us, we miss out on our own lives. A system where women lead could be more compassionate, more empathetic, and more humane. Because women grow not only by carrying their own wounds but also by carrying the wounds of others. A woman is not only a bearer of life but also a transformer. She should write this order with her voice, not her silence (Arat, 1994).
Finding Your Voice in a Patriarchal Society
Being is not just about breathing. Truly living means finding your voice, making your own decisions, and drawing your own path. Patriarchy continuously narrows this space. But we women open a new door with every question we ask. Perhaps it starts with a small crack, but over time, our sky blooms. Sometimes a tiny awareness can change an entire life. Sometimes, simply saying “this is not mine” can be a revolution.
Making the invisibility of women visible is a path to liberation not only for women but for everyone. Because when women are silenced, society as a whole remains incomplete. Our identity gains meaning not with the roles assigned to us but with our own choices. And every one of us has the right to live our own truth.
A Personal and Professional Reflection on Women’s Identity
What I have written here comes not only from the perspective of a psychologist but also from my experiences as a woman who has grown up within this system, sought her voice, and tried to find her own path. In this small world offered to us, where we are forced to fit into male hegemony, I see that women, while living the life others want them to live, forget their own desires, dreams, and voices. Our inner voice is not weak; it is suppressed. This is why I wrote this article. Perhaps somewhere, a woman will read it and say, “I too can have a sky that blooms.”
Lastly, I know that every step outside the boundaries drawn for us is like a flower sprouting through the cracks of concrete. And we women are no longer just flowers; we are taking root.