What does it feel like to experience two opposite emotions at once? Have you ever both hated and deeply loved someone? Or wanted to be close yet remain distant? Which emotion, then, is the “real” one?
These contradictory feelings lie at the heart of being human and reflect who we are. Yet we can’t help but wonder: why do we feel two emotions simultaneously? Often, we can’t make sense of it or even notice it.
The human psyche moves between two poles: it longs to attach but also to escape. This oscillation is known as ambivalence in psychodynamic literature and reveals how profoundly complex we are.
Now let’s explore ambivalence, our dilemmas, and contradictions more deeply.
The Origin Of Ambivalence
Ambivalence refers to the coexistence of incompatible feelings, thoughts, or motives such as love and hate, closeness and distance, dependence and freedom. The concept was first introduced by Eugen Bleuler, the Swiss psychiatrist who coined schizophrenia. According to Bleuler, ambivalence is one of schizophrenia’s primary features (Wikipedia, 2025).
However, Sigmund Freud’s view differed. For Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, ambivalence held crucial importance. Within psychoanalytic theory, it explains the roots of emotional conflict and neurotic symptoms.
Such conflicts reflect the psyche’s effort to balance the id, ego, and superego, while neurotic symptoms are indirect expressions of unconscious tension.
An unexplained pain or tic, for instance, may be a manifestation of repressed emotion such as fear, sadness, or anger. When one experiences two opposing emotions simultaneously, this inner strain can become intolerable, resulting in guilt, anxiety, or obsession—what we call neurotic symptoms (Troha, 2017).
Freud’s Psychosexual Theory And Ambivalence
Freud believed ambivalence first appears in childhood. Parents represent both love and security as well as prohibition and punishment, evoking dual emotions in the child.
The child begins to feel both affection and anger toward the same figure. This is the birth of ambivalence.
Here, Freud’s psychosexual theory and the phallic stage become essential. Ambivalence is closely linked to the Oedipus complex: between the ages of three and six, the boy loves and desires his mother but views his father as a rival, feeling jealousy and anger alongside admiration and fear. The female equivalent is the Electra complex. This period marks the peak of childhood ambivalence.
With time, these feelings are repressed, and identification with parents shapes identity. Thus, the superego—the moral foundation—is established.
For Freud, ambivalence is a natural experience, present to some degree in every healthy person. As the ego matures, these dual emotions balance, particularly in nurturing environments.
For example, thinking “My partner makes me angry, but I still love them” reflects a healthy ego. A mature individual can direct love and anger toward the same person without splitting.
Conversely, the inability to tolerate such conflict leads to inner tension and anxiety. The belief “If I love someone, I shouldn’t be angry at them” activates defence mechanisms.
In short, ambivalence creates inner conflict, which evokes anxiety; in response, the ego mobilizes defences to escape one of the emotions (Molloy, 2014).
Jung, The Shadow, And Ambivalence
Jung famously wrote, “The shadow is everything about oneself that one does not wish to know.”
According to Jung, the shadow represents the parts of the self that are repressed or denied, holding both destructive and transformative potential.
While Freud conceptualized ambivalence as conflicting feelings toward another person, Jung viewed such dualities as intrinsic to the psyche itself.
Human nature is fundamentally dual, like yin and yang. These opposites form the foundation of psychological wholeness. From Jung’s perspective, ambivalence is not pathology but a condition for growth.
If one rejects their shadow, inner tension arises between the conscious “good” self (persona) and the repressed “dark” self (shadow).
For example, someone who identifies as kind yet denies jealousy or anger is suppressing their shadow.
For Jung, maturity means neither repressing nor idealizing parts of the self, but accepting both. As he observed: “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious” (Boscaljon, 2024).
Ambivalence in Modern Life
Modern humans, as Freud described, live amid conflicting desires. Today, however, these tensions extend beyond family dynamics into broader social and cultural realms.
We experience ambivalence in relationships, identity, belonging, and decision-making—and this complexity is precisely what makes us human.
Ambivalence is inevitable. Everyone encounters it.
What matters is not escaping or denying these opposing emotions, but accepting them.
As Jung noted, acknowledging ambivalence is a step toward the integration of the self. When we deny our inner contradictions, we fragment; when we recognize them, we deepen.
Maturity is not light defeating shadow—it is the courage to hold both together.
References
Troha, T. (2017). On ambivalence. Problemi International, 1(1), 217–226.
Molloy, M. (2014). Mother–daughter ambivalence according to Sigmund Freud. PsyArt, 18, 386–395.
Boscaljon, D. (2024). Seeing Jung’s shadow in a new light: Decolonizing the undisciplined depths. Religions, 15(12), 1553.
Wikipedia contributors. (2025, October 31). Ambivalence. In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved October 31, 2025, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ambivalence