Not long ago, smiling was a simple gesture of politeness. Today, it feels more like an obligation. Motivational quotes constantly shared on social media, messages like “think positive and life will smile at you,” and the pressure to always appear cheerful are pushing many people to suppress their genuine emotions. The unspoken rule seems to be: we must always be happy. We must stay positive. Life is perfect. Even when faced with hardship, we must appear strong and content. We must smile. We must not feel tired, sad, or overwhelmed.
Sharing feelings of sadness or emotional exhaustion is often met with disapproval, as if it means being a negative person. But emotions are not binary. Being human means experiencing a wide range of emotional states. Just as life includes many colors, so do our feelings. We must make space for them all. Like the colors of a rainbow, we are capable of carrying not only joy but also sorrow, fatigue, and vulnerability. Yet the culture of toxic positivity, reinforced heavily by social media, has started to pull us away from genuine wellness. It detaches us from what it truly means to feel good.
What Is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity refers to the insistence on remaining positive regardless of circumstances and the suppression of all negative emotions. Over time, this tendency to suppress pain, sadness, and disappointment renders these emotions invisible. Unacknowledged feelings remain trapped within us, waiting to resurface. This is where the difference between healthy positivity and toxic positivity becomes clear.
For example, the sentence “Yes, I feel sad right now, but I know this feeling will pass” represents healthy positivity. It acknowledges the reality of sadness while maintaining hope. In contrast, statements like “Just be strong,” “At least you’re alive,” “Don’t be sad,” or “Smile no matter what” attempt to override and invalidate emotional pain. These well-meaning but dismissive phrases can create a pressure that makes it harder to process real feelings.
Where Does This Pressure Come From?
Social media is one of the most powerful sources of this pressure. Some influencers who label themselves as life coaches or motivational figures promote the idea that suppressing emotions is a form of personal success. Even in times of grief or hardship, people are encouraged to conceal their feelings and appear strong. Vulnerability is framed as weakness.
Another source is the broader societal expectation to appear strong at all times. This is especially evident in the messages directed toward women and young people. Young people are told, “You are the future of the country; you must stay strong.” Women are expected to remain resilient under all circumstances, never show emotion, never appear broken. They are expected to stand tall no matter what.
Underlying all of this may be a discomfort with witnessing the pain of others. Seeing someone else’s sadness can force us to confront our own unresolved emotions, and that can be difficult. As a result, society often tries to make discomfort, grief, and emotional struggle invisible.
Psychological Consequences of Toxic Positivity
Suppressed emotions can gradually lead to burnout. When we attempt to suppress even our exhaustion, we enter an endless loop that distances us from our true selves. Constantly pretending to be happy makes it harder to recognize and validate what we actually feel. A person scrolling through countless smiling faces online might wonder, “Why don’t I feel this way?” Sharing a smiling photo while feeling miserable inside can create a painful sense of inadequacy.
This pressure can even lead to secondary traumas. For instance, people may feel obligated to appear strong even during periods of grief. Yet mourning is a natural response to loss. In such times, hearing statements like “Don’t dwell on it, everyone dies eventually” may prevent individuals from processing their grief in a healthy and healing way.
What Can We Do About It?
The first step is to allow space for emotions. Feelings such as sadness, anger, and anxiety are not weaknesses. They are part of the human experience. Instead of suppressing them, we need to notice and accept them. Building safe and trusting relationships where we can share our real emotions is essential. Raising awareness about toxic positivity and setting boundaries when necessary are also important. For example, saying “Please don’t tell me to be strong; I need to feel this emotion right now” is an act of self-respect.
Sometimes, being honest about our pain is braver than trying to appear strong. When a friend recently told me she had been crying a lot, I reassured her that it was completely natural. She was surprised when I said that crying is not a sign of weakness but an authentic form of emotional expression. Her reaction alone reflected how deeply the pressure to “look okay” has been internalized.
The path to real emotional well-being begins with self-connection and the willingness to embrace all our emotions. When we learn to distinguish between healthy and toxic positivity, we cultivate greater compassion — not only toward others, but toward ourselves. Sometimes a smile is a beautiful gesture. But at other times, the courage to sit with our sadness is the most powerful act of all.